A Glass Half Full
by xxObsessedxx
Summary: Rin is a bright, optimistic young woman who sees the world in her own special way. But a serious health problem turns that world around, especially when she meets her doctor...AU, SessxRin, rating may go up in future chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Hello people! this story I posted first on adult ff dot net and I thought of trying it out here. Some scenes will be edited out for some obvious lemony purposes but anyone who wants to see the unedited version can visit me at adultfanfiction, my penname there is Scarlett-sama . This my first proper, long (ish) Rin and Sesshoumaru story and I really tried hard to keep Rin in character, even though it's a little difficult because she's an adult here, but anyway…

I was inspired to write this last October after hearing it was Breast Cancer Awareness month, imagining how it must be like for those poor women to lose what signifies for them femininity, it's a terrible thing. Anyway, this chapter will be rather short because I like to 'test' my stories out on the sites, waiting to see what responses I get from people before really getting into it. (something I learnt from my my good friend who's also on the site: Kyuuketsuki-san)

Most of this story will be in Rin's point of view but some parts will be written in the third person to describe things when Rin isn't there. But that's in future chapters.

Enjoy!

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi……**

**A Lump**

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi……**

Hi. My name's Rin, my surname doesn't really matter but I'll say it anyway, it's Ayase. That's me, Rin Ayase. The only thing I can say about myself is that I'm a normal person, one of those that you pass by on the street and not notice. But I don't want to bore you with my life story because honestly, it's not award-winning biography material, and believe me, I think I'll fall asleep myself if I had to tell it. Drool and all. Heh, see that? How I make fun of myself? I do that a lot, it makes things less embarrassing when I tell them and Kami knows how many awkward situations I've been through.

I'm a pretty positive person though, and I always have been, ever since I was eight years old and my parents and brother were killed in a car accident as they drove to attend a school play I was acting in. I know what you're thinking, how the hell can anyone stay positive after that catastrophe? Well, it wasn't easy. I was only eight then and months passed as I huddled in corners and refused to speak to anyone. So one day I thought; hey, even though my family's gone, I'm still here. They must have cared about me a lot to rush to see my play, so why can't I repay them?

Like Shakespeare said 'All the world's a stage', so that must mean that life is just a play, isn't it? I think I'll keep on acting, just for them. I suppose you noticed the Shakespeare part, am I right? I _love_ reading, and I'll devour any good book I can get my hands on and I won't put it down until I'm through. My aunt used to nag to me a lot about that and she would make me pause in my reading occasionally so that I could do more important things like eat and sleep. When my family passed away, I lived with my aunt Kumiko until I was old enough to move out. Don't get the wrong idea about her because of the 'nag' part, she's a great person really, an incredible source of inspiration. She's a strong woman and she knew how to raise me, being not too strict or too lenient when it came to handling me during my teenage years. She fussed over me a lot though, up to the point where it almost got annoying but I didn't mind, she's the only family I have and I'm grateful to her.

So where was I? Oh right. So I've been a positive person since I was born and that's really helped me survive. I can't even remember all the times I've embarrassed myself (in public especially), mostly during my awkward teenage years when I seemed to be the floor's wife wherever I went. Always tripping up and toppling over in front of people who would think it absolutely hilarious and say 'Oh look, what a surprise, Rin's on the ground.' I made it a rule to always laugh with them despite my embarrassment and it helped the situation become less humiliating should a time come when I were to look back on it.

I don't have many friends. When I was in school, kids thought that if something bad happened to your family it would somehow make you contagious, so they usually stayed away from me. I learnt to become accustomed to it though, and like they say; it's better to be alone than in bad company. See? The glass is always half full in my world.

My awkwardness as a teenager seemed to scare people away so naturally I went around in a group of one, and when I grew out of this up-and-down period of my life people gradually approached me. I have two good friends now, the kind of girls that offer advice unasked and force you to put down the book you're reading so that they can take you to a brilliant new night club. Reika-chan and Yue-chan, I don't know what I would do without them. They've helped me through quite a few rough patches of my life, when even my optimism wasn't enough to pull me through. I've always had my fair share of unfortunate events, I think more than an average person has but whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? Jeez, I have to stop with these sayings or I'll drive people crazy.

So…uh…what…? Oh yes. Like I said before, my life isn't all that interesting or enlightening. I'm twenty two and in the advertising business. How I got the job, I have absolutely no idea, as soon as I graduated from university I applied for a position at a company called 'Sekai Incorporated'. I dressed myself very carefully for my interview, a freshly ironed white blouse and a neatly pressed navy skirt, my hair pulled back into what I hoped was a sophisticated bun and I showed up clutching my portfolio. Yes, I draw too. After half an hour of answering the personnel manager's probing questions he finally told me that he was willing to accept me. He also said that he liked my charisma. I was so unbelievably happy! It was one good thing that stood out against the dull hardship of my life. I almost hugged him on the way out but it wouldn't have looked very professional, so I didn't.

My 'office' (more like a cubicle surrounded by thin, detachable walls) is on the fifth floor and that is where I met my friends Reika and Yue. They were the ones to welcome me and show me around and point out all of the attractive male co-workers from other departments. Both their boyfriends work in the same building but on the second floor in Management. Believe it or not, I am single and to Reika-chan and Yue-chan it's something of a black cloud hanging over my head, that's why they're forever trying to hook me up with every good looking guy they meet because they can't stand me being alone and partner-less. I don't really mind their matchmaking endeavours as long as they don't go too far and actually try to make me go out on a date with someone. I enjoy my freedom but yes, it does get a bit lonely on some days but I try not to dwell too much on it otherwise I won't be able to produce good work.

I don't want to be disgustingly boastful or anything but I have a reputation for my high-quality prints and ideas, and many of my co-workers refer their own clients to me meaning a lot more work to get done but more recognition and pay. I don't complain though, I chat to my clients and ask them what they have in mind and so forth, and they tell me how pleased they are with my attitude and disposition and how I'm so easy to talk to.

A lot of people say that I talk a lot and I think it's true…no wait, I _know_ it's true, I mean, listen to me now! I'm going on and on and not arriving at my main destination.

All the things that have happened to me; my parents and brother dying, my lack of friends in the past, all the negative things that usually make people break down and cry, it happens because it's been planned. This isn't me saying it, my aunt told me that everyone has a destiny, a path that's leads on in a straight line and it's impossible to stray from it because there's a wall on each side, you can't do anything except walk that path and wait till you reach the end. She believes that some people's paths are considerably shorter than others or a few simply walk faster to get to the end.

I disagree with the straightness and resoluteness of the path, I think that yes, there _is_ a path that we walk but there aren't any walls, instead there are twists and turns and detours, landscapes that force you to stop a while and gaze at them. But that's just me.

I'm rambling on again, jeez, I never learn. This may be hard to believe but there have been times when I've become completely silent or been in a situation when my never ceasing chatter…ceases. But I'll get to that later; right now I'll start from the beginning. As if all of my troubles weren't enough, I had one more that brought my bright world crashing down to my feet and not even my optimism sufficed to reassure me that everything would be okay.

One day, I found a lump in my breast.

It happened on a Tuesday. I was arriving home from work, my arms laden with prints and designs that I had to finish before Friday. My left breast was hurting and it had been for a few days and it wasn't an ache or a twinge, it was more like a sharp pang or stab of pain. I had ignored it, believing it was my bra being to tight or that maybe I had slept in an unsuitable position. The thought of it being something serious never crossed my mind.

I entered my apartment and immediately dumped all my stuff on the cream coloured sofa. I plonked myself down on the part not littered with papers and prints and I kicked off my heels with a sigh. That's probably the only thing I dislike about work, its dress policy. We're forced to wear smart, presentable clothes everyday and I do see sense in this since it's extremely important to create a good first impression when meeting with a client. This is all very well but the policy takes its toll at the end of a long and tiring day.

I took out my long, dark hair from its bun (which had gotten messy anyway) and I shook my head lightly to free all of the twisted locks. I leaned my head against the couch and sighed, closing my eyes and resting for a while.

I felt another sharp prick of pain under my left breast, making me wince slightly. I sat up and reached down to adjust my bra for the millionth time, still thinking that was what was causing it but I was beginning to feel slightly worried. That's another of my problems, as soon as something is wrong with my body; I always assume the worst which is stupid seeing as I'm supposed to be an optimistic person, but my body is the only thing that has been through all my misfortunes with me and any problem with it concerns me. Sitting there on the couch, I began to recall those women on TV who recommended checking yourself regularly for any abnormalities, something I never found time to do, and I had OBVIOUSLY heard of breast cancer but like every other woman I was convinced such a thing wouldn't happen to me. But feeling the continuous pains in my left breast weren't doing anything to reassure me.

I stood up from the couch and went down the narrow corridor that led to my room. Kicking a shoe from the doorway, I entered and dropped to my knees before my desk, opening the large bottom drawer and rummaging through all the magazines I kept there. I'm not the kind of girl who purchases fashion magazines for the sake of flicking through them and merely admiring all the stuff I wish I could have, I only think that lots of them have great material that I can use as reference when I'm with a picky, indecisive client.

I pulled out a women's health magazine that was a couple of months old and I turned the pages, scanning them quickly until I found what I was searching for. I got to my feet slowly, reading the step by step guide of how to examine yourself properly and I moved to stand in front of the full length mirror I had on the wall. The mirror made my room seem larger than it was, not that the room itself was tiny or anything, I could fit a double-sized bed, a work desk and a small but comfortable armchair and still have space to lie full length on the floor. I love my room, I painted it myself, picking out the colours carefully; a beautiful lavender for the walls and delicate white floral patterns running horizontally along them. The curtains I chose were of a light material and of a blackberry colour, but not so dark. My room is so cool and fresh and it's a lovely place to relax and read a book or catch up on work, with the curtains fluttering in the breeze.

Putting the magazine on the bed but not so far away as to lose sight of the article, I took a step closer to the mirror and began unbuttoning my pale yellow blouse, removing it completely and letting it fall to the floor. I then reached behind my back and fumbled with the hooks on my bra, finally releasing them and tossing the item of clothing on the bed. I stared at my bare breasts in the mirror, trying to find anything unusual about them in their appearance, but I noticed nothing. I glanced at the next step in the article. Raising my hand, I very gently pressed my fingers against the underside of my right breast, prodding at it delicately to find a hard mass if there was one but all I could feel was soft flesh and the nervous pounding of my heart. I then lifted my arm the way it was explained in the magazine and continued to press against the flesh. A great wave of relief passed through me when I discovered nothing unusual and went on to repeat the process with my left breast, feeling, prodding and pressing. I raised my arm and my fingers moved along the underside and lingered at the soft fleshy area near my armpit. There. A lump. I felt my stomach jump to my throat as I applied more pressure to that same spot, wildly thinking that it could be something perfectly normal. But it wasn't, and it wasn't my imagination either, there was something hard in my left breast and it was scaring me. With my heart beating rapidly I changed into my low cut (but comfortable) jeans and a black blouse that fit my torso snugly. I rushed out into the corridor and grabbed the cordless phone that was charging on the little table I keep there for my keys and phonebooks. I immediately dialled my aunt's number and after a few rings, she answered.

"Hello?"

I tried to calm by breathing before I spoke to her, she was a worrier too and I didn't want her to panic if she noticed how scared my voice sounded. "Hi, aunt Kumiko, it's me, Rin."

"Oh, hello Rin! How's things? Is work alright?"

"Mmm…" I wanted to see her, and ask her what to do but not over the phone. "Can I come over?"

"What? Why? Is something wrong?"

Again, I didn't want to tell her over the phone. "I'll tell you when I get there, so can I?" I asked, and I think she might have noticed the agitation in my voice because she agreed straight away.

"Of course, of course! Come!"

I thanked her and told her I'd be there in ten minutes and I put down the phone. I practically ran to the front door, snatched my jacket from the hook, grabbed my black sports handbag and left the apartment.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to **Tamakia'gss**,**Days to Remember**,**VcChick**, and all of you for the comments and I deeply apologise for the eternal wait. I lacked inspiration for this story but now I think it's returning. Yay! This chapter was originally going to contain a meeting between Rin ad Sesshoumaru but I decided to leave it for the next one. Enjoy!

I do not own Inuyasha.

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**Appointment**

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I could almost taste my aunt's worry as soon as she opened the front door. Her eyes had that wide anxious look that was so characteristic of her, and I recalled the years when I thought of nothing more than rebellion, arriving at one or two in the morning and there she would be, waiting for me with those wide, worried eyes.

She urged me inside and we both went to the sitting room, and I noticed she hadn't changed it at all since my last visit a few months ago. Despite my nervousness, I lightly inhaled comfortingly familiar scent of the house I had grown up in and I released the breath softly and reminiscently, the memories of my childhood lingering in my mind and then slowly dissolving as I remembered the reason of my visit. Aunt Kumiko invited me to sit beside her on the beige sofa and I complied, taking my time as if it would somehow make what I had to say completely avoidable. Unfortunately, it didn't.

I cleared my throat. "The house looks so clean. You should come over to my apartment and shine it up for me one of these days." I said, hoping my aunt wouldn't notice the slight nervous tremor in my voice. She didn't seem too, since she gave a soft laugh at my little joke. But I knew she was worried about me, I mean, I had phoned her and asked her if I could come without giving her a reason.

I took a deep breath, feeling my aunt's worried eye on me, waiting for my explanation. Seeing how uncertainly my lips were sealed, and the way I fiddled with the strap of my sports handbag, she placed an encouraging hand on my uneasy ones. My eyes met hers.

"Rin? What's wrong?" She asked me softly, recognising the nature of my nervous fidgets as a way to prepare myself, or rather evade, awkward news. But I hadn't the faintest idea where to _begin_, I mean, how exactly was I supposed to tell my aunt something like this? 'I think I have breast cancer', was hardly the appropriate sentence to start a conversation with. And yet, _was_ it breast cancer? Could I allow such a horrifying thought? At best, it was probably just me making a big deal over nothing as usual, and maybe it wasn't anything serious, yeah that was it. I had blown this way out of proportion.

"I found a lump…in my breast." I finally said, watching my aunt's expression carefully. As I predicted, her eyes became wide with worry and she instantly started asking questions: 'Where?', 'Are you sure?' and 'When was this?'

That was when doubt crept its way in and pushed out my previous reasoning. All of this was definitely serious. Hadn't I seen those medical shows on TV? Where people were given their survival rates in percentages, like some stock market on Wall Street? A tingly fear invaded my body and I swallowed, sensing the rising panic in my aunt's voice, realising that she was the one needing to be calmed down and not vice versa.

"Look, aunt Kumiko, it's just a lump…" I reassured her and somewhere in my subconscious a voice laughed. 'yeah, just a lump, like Mount Vesuvius was just a fireworks display in someone's backyard.'

"It's probably nothing." I said. But my aunt was having none of that.

"Probably nothing?" she asked, her voice high with incredulity. "Rin, you need to see a doctor, and the sooner we get an appointment the better because what you have could only get worse the longer we wait." She babbled, getting up and then sitting back down again, as if she were at a loss of what to do.

"Why don't you show me where it is?"

I jumped at her hysteria brought on suggestion. No matter how many times she had bathed me as a child, no matter how many times she had seen me naked years ago, I was a grown woman now and the mere thought of such a thing made me feel extremely awkward. I tried to convey this to her through uncomfortable fidgeting and chewing of my lower lip. Despite her anxiety she apparently got the message, but she still refused to do nothing about my situation.

"I'm going to call my doctor right now and ask for an appointment."

I nodded. I couldn't argue with what was necessary. Aunt Kumiko got up and moved around the couch I was sitting on to reach the phone.

"I'll get her to admit seeing as you're my niece, and maybe I could tell that it's an emergency." She mumbled, dialling the number. I rested back on the cushions, releasing the death-grip I was currently strangling my bag with. I heard my aunt speak with the secretary or whoever handled appointments at the clinic. I sighed. Well, now I would examined professionally, and receiving an medical opinion, which would help clear away my nerves and worries. Or it could be devastating news. No! I wasn't supposed to think like that! Everything was going to be fine and so was the breast that would hopefully feed a child in the future. Not that I thought about having kids though.

My aunt hung up the phone and returned to her armchair, explaining that the soonest appointment she could get was in an hour's time and that it would be better if we arrived at least fifteen minutes before, 'just in case they can see us earlier'. Our doctor's appointments had always been like that in the past, with aunt Kumiko nagging me to be ready half an hour ahead of time, given the chance someone would get to us sooner. God, that had seemed so long ago. I'd noticed, on the way into her house, how my aunt had obtained a few more grey hairs, decorating the usual black mane that she always managed to tame into a bun. She looked a lot like my father, her brother. It was the same way in which she wrinkled her forehead when she spoke of troubling matters…like now. And she cared about me like no one else did and the reason being because there was no one else. I had her and she had me. I was afraid that this simple detail was in danger of altering because of something small and seemingly insignificant lingering in my left breast.

"…And I recommend that you take a quick shower too, since she's going to examine you."

Huh? Quick-shower-who-what is going to examine me? I blinked, trying to return from my wandering thoughts and attempting to put that last sentence into context. Oh, right, shower…examine…me. Got it.

I nodded and smiled gratefully when she gestured towards the bathroom. I left my sports handbag on a nearby cushion and stood, thanking my aunt with my eyes and she nodded once, fully understanding the look.

When I got there, I closed the door of the bathroom behind me but not locking it, my aunt and I were too close for that. I gazed around briefly, noticing the subtle changes she had made. The shower curtain was new… I remembered the old one, decorated with seashells and crabs and stuff. This one was dotted with boats and cute little sailors…mermaids too. I used to be so obsessed with mermaids when I was little, and I used to pretend I was one by cramming both legs into one pyjama pant leg (those were the best because they stretched more), and literally flop around in my bed until my aunt heard me and forced me to put on my pyjamas properly. I smiled at the memory. The tiles on the bathroom walls were different too, matching the shower curtain's theme. It all felt very fresh and ocean-like, and I even sniffed the air. Mmmm…nice.

I pushed back the curtain and fiddled with the knobs, keeping a tentative hand beneath the gush of water that cascaded from the shower head. Too cold…too hot. I fumbled a bit more with the 'H' knob. Aaah…warm. Perfect. I undressed quickly, laying the clothes over the closed lid of the toilet and I grabbed one of my aunt's flowery shower caps that hung from a hook beside the towels. I didn't want to have wet, dripping hair for the tests and I knew I didn't have enough time to blow dry. I caught sight of myself in the mirror and burst out laughing, I looked so ridiculous in that cap! Like an old lady…or some kind of alien. I shook my head with amusement and hopped into the water. It felt so wonderful! Unlike some people, I enjoyed the pleasures of a warm shower immensely. I would relax me, unwind me and infinitely please me, with the fast droplets tickling my skin and the soothing warmth washing away the stress as well as the dirt. I stretched my head back to allow the water to fall on my neck and chest, closing my eyes at the smooth sensation. I loved the way the steam rose and wrapped around my body like a fleeting, vaporous blanket, soft and gentle, swirling and caressing. I found the whole bathing process extremely sensual but I didn't know if I was sensual myself since I appeared so childlike in ways when I was with people. And, of course, I had gotten so accustomed to being awkward and embarrassed. I wasn't even sure I knew how to be sexy, or whether I would succeed at pulling it off. Plus, there was no one to prove myself to, being free and single. And just try and look sexy with a flowery shower cap over your head.

I realised that I was standing under the water and staring off into the distance like an idiot. I chuckled at myself and reached for my aunt's shower gel. I was more inclined to use bars of soap, mostly lavender scented because I loved, loved, loved that smell, but my aunt was more of a liquid soap person. I flicked open the small lid to catch a whiff (smell is ultra important to me) and I was unable to identify it. But what a wonderful fragrance it was! Reading the bottle I discovered it was a peculiar mix of Lavender and Eucalyptus. I squirted a blob on my right hand and replaced the gel. God, that smelt divine! Sweet, yet fresh like minutes after it's rained. Goodbye bars of soap, hello shower gel!

I began to lather the gel onto my body with my palms, and I would have used my aunt's sponge but I thought it wouldn't be right…or that hygienic. I ran my soapy hands over my breasts gently and froze. During all the shower business I had forgotten all about the lump.

As the water pounded on the shower cap, I felt my way around my left breast, near the armpit, somehow foolishly hoping I had imagined the whole thing. A hardness made itself known under my fingers and my heart lurched. Yep…it was still there. Sighing, I rinsed the soap from my body and turned off the water. I stepped out and wrapped a towel around myself, picking up my clothes, though I had a hard time finding them in the mist of the bathroom.

After I dried myself I pulled my jeans on and sniffed at the armpit area of my black top. It still smelt okay, I'd had a shower that morning before work so my clothes weren't that stinky. When I was dressed, I removed the silly cap from my head and my hair tumbled down past my shoulders, humid despite everything. I tied it up into a ponytail, then I grabbed the damp towel and headed out, feeling clean but increasingly nervous.

I wished there was some perfume or at least deodorant I could use but I was running out of time and I knew how impatient my aunt could get at times. She was already on her feet and by the door when I reached the living room to get my handbag. She glanced quickly at her watch and it was obvious she was anxious to get going.

When we left the house she tutted at my hair, trailing her fingers through it. "Why do you always keep it like that? You have such beautiful hair, if you leave it down you'd look so lovely."

I smiled. She always, always, always had a problem with my ever present ponytail.

"Remember that little side ponytail you used to have when you were little?" she asked. The image of it popped into my head and I groaned aloud.

"Oh, don't even remind me!"

Kumiko laughed. "You wore it every day, I remember that…every single day and you looked so adorable like that, especially during the year you had that missing front tooth!"

I slapped my forehead with a hand. My God, I had so many photos like that, my little ponytail and a huge, toothy (or rather toothless) grin. My aunt was laughing heartily now.

"And the way your 's's whistled every time you talked!"

This time I joined in the laughter. For a moment, it felt like I had gone back in time, and I was a little girl again, a little girl with a missing tooth and a silly hairstyle. Then the moment faded and I was an adult again. Our giggles died down and aunt Kumiko sighed reminiscently. We crossed a busy main road and continued walking on. It was a good thing the clinic was just a few blocks away from my aunt's house. We were already able to see the top of it peeking out from behind other buildings and who of course could miss the huge monster of the General Hospital towering over everything else.

"So, Rin, tell me about work…how's that new project coming along?" Kumiko asked me. Yes, I started a project with an important client who owned an entire chain of fast food restaurants in various cities of Japan, and they had wanted a brand new image. I stepped up to the challenge at once and I think I may have been just the teensiest bit overeager at the time because my desk was now swamped with work and research.

"Oh, it's going great but things could be a little easier if my client didn't change his mind so often. But yeah, I'm making real progress."

"Really? How wonderful!"

"Yep!"

We walked and walked, taking side streets as shortcuts occasionally. Almost there!

"So, are you seeing anyone?" Aunt Kumiko asked casually. Aha! Onto that subject, were we? I decided to humour her.

"Hm?"

"Have you met a nice young man yet?" She persisted. I sighed inwardly. My aunt was as bad as my friends when it came to discussing my love life. What was wrong with being single? I was fine the way I was…I could act childishly and no one would be there to stop me, I could go wherever I wanted without making plans with boyfriends all the time and I could watch my cartoons everyday without someone changing the channel to catch the game. What was wrong with that? I noticed that my aunt wanted her question answered.

"No, aunt Kumiko. No one yet."

"But why?" She said, genuinely shocked. "You're such a beautiful girl!"

Awww, thanks auntie, you always make me smile. But looks aren't everything and anyway, men want a woman who acts accordingly, a woman who is sensible and mature, not chatty and explosive. I was about to reply to my aunt that I was perfectly fine with my bachelorettic state but I didn't get to, as we arrived at the glass doors of the clinic.

"Ah, here we are." Said Kumiko. I accompanied her to the front desk where we were told to go to the waiting room on the second floor, that the doctor would see us shortly. As we got there, we took our seats next to a man a woman trying to control an explorative toddler. They both looked extremely tired, perhaps even hilariously so.

The waiting room was unusually welcoming, cosy despite the air conditioning and somewhat peaceful. Even the plastic red seats were comfy. I watched a man in a white coat stride past, seemingly undisturbed and even winking at the young secretary. My stomach gave a nervous wrench as I remembered what I was here for, so I sat up a little straighter and did the only thing I normally do in these kinds of situations. Talk my butt off. Trying to keep my tone light and animated, I chatted to my aunt non-stop about work, about my friends, about what I watched last night and did she watch the news? Because there was a terrible storm on the other side of the country with four dead, yes four dead and how awful it seemed, and I mentioned the day Reika-chan almost ruined her sketches for an important client because her cat had jumped on the table and knocked over the glass of water that was there and soaked everything but luckily Reika had made about a million copies of the same thing which was good because otherwise she would never have made the deadline.

I paused occasionally for breath and my aunt did nothing but nod and drop a few 'hm's and 'really?'s and 'Is that so?'s. I wasn't even sure she was paying attention to anything I said but I was unable to stop, my mouth was moving as fast as my heartbeat and the conversation was becoming mindless and maybe a little nervous, yet I ploughed on saying how much I missed her cooking because the only food that actually tasted good was the Ramen that I bought almost everyday, prawn flavour, always prawn flavour, but I liked chicken too although the soup looked more yellow and more artificial than the prawn and I loved leaving the little prawns for last, remember, aunt Kumiko? Every time she made anything with prawns I would always, always, always leave them for last, and on those Friday nights she would prepare her specialty which was a large seafood dish all boiled in a pot with small bowls of sauce for dipping and we would eat it outside just after the sun had set and I loved seeing the glimmer of the fireflies at that hour, yes fireflies, which were my favourite, favourite, favourite animals because they looked so beautiful flittering in and out of the trees, making the night sparkle as if…as if the heavens had sprinkled down handfuls of glitter on the earth and given it life, and I wished I were fast enough to be able to catch one but I never could, ever since I was a child I would chase them around and around until bedtime but I always entered the house empty handed and…

I suddenly heard my name buzz out from the intercom, calling me to room six and thus cutting my 'little' monologue short. Both me and my aunt jumped to our feet instantly and hurried along a lengthy corridor and we kept going until we reached our destination. Aunt Kumiko opened the door. The doctor sitting at the desk smiled at us as we came in ad gestured to the seats opposite her. My aunt greeted her warmly and the doctor returned it similarly, asking how she was doing lately.

"Oh, fine, fine thank you." Kumiko replied, taking her seat as I took mine. I gazed at the woman in the white coat sitting before me. She had short brown hair, a wise look in her eyes and the beginnings of those little creases on the corners of them. She removed the reading glasses and gave us her complete attention.

"Now, what seems to be the emergency?"

I could see my aunt glance at me through the corner of my eye. That was my cue. I began to explain in much detail the pains I had been experiencing and where I was feeling them. I noticed the doctor's eyes on me, studious and focused. I swallowed, feeling the teeniest bit uncomfortable. I gestured towards the area of my chest that worried me, saying that I'd found the lump there and the doctor nodded in understanding. She reached for one of the drawers in her desk and pulled out a new file. Picking up a pen, she held it poised over the paper. She started to ask me questions, normal questions, things that doctors usually probed for in case there was any history of disease in the family…like cancer. But as far as I knew, no one in my family had suffered such a thing. After the entire exchange, the doctor stood and gestured for me to do the same. Aunt Kumiko remained seated while I was led behind a pale green curtain. The examination zone.

The doctor politely asked me to remove my blouse, so I did. I shivered a little with cold, and felt goose bumps form on my arms, and thank heavens I was in the company of a woman because I wouldn't have been able to live through the embarrassment of my nipples hardening in a male doctor's presence. I shuddered at the thought.

She was extremely gentle, only making contact when necessary but the frown on her face didn't seem very reassuring. I hoped, hoped, hoped it wouldn't be what I though it was. She asked me to raise my left arm for a better inspection, and she felt the area nearest to my armpit. Her frown deepened somewhat. She straightened and gestured for me to put my bra and blouse back on.

Sitting down at her desk she slipped her glasses on and jotted down a couple of things in my file. Aunt Kumiko patted my hand reassuringly when I took my seat.

"Alright, Rin…" began the doctor, removing her glasses. "I don't really feel sure enough to diagnose you with anything just yet. I believe a few more tests are in order."

I nodded and did my best to try and smile.

"What kind of tests?" Asked my worried aunt.

"Oh, for these cases a mammography is in order, unfortunately in this clinic we are rather short of equipment."

"So what do we…?" my aunt began anxiously.

"It's perfectly alright. The General Hospital will provide you with the equipment, all I have to do is write a brief letter recommending you there. You can use it to get the test." She explained and opened a drawer, taking out a sheet of paper with the logo of the clinic on it. She scribbled a few word on it, I couldn't really understand her writing but I think I noticed the word 'urgent' somewhere. She signed it and stamped it before handing it to me. It was a good thing the General Hospital was only a few streets away and wouldn't be that much of a walk. Aunt Kumiko thanked the doctor profusely and the two of us got up and left. I let out a long breathe, not of relief though. I was still scared, what was the lump? What was going to happen to me? And what was a mammography like? Did it hurt? All these questions going around and around in my head and the only way I could drown them out was by chatting incessantly to my aunt about stupid, trivial things. But I could see she wasn't really paying attention. She was worried about me. Damnit, _I_ was worried about me.

What was I going to do?


	3. Chapter 3

Hi everyone, sorry for taking so long. I have a little problem with my pc, it says it can't find Jscript or something like that and there was a problem with Java and nothing would show up on the internet. Meaning I couldn't view my messages or submit anything. Wah.

Many thanks go to **HawkAngel XD**, **Tamakia'gss**, **Let-The-Darkness-Take-Me** **Days to Remember**, **kagome7304**, **Nyamo-chan**, **VcChick** and **LordOfTheWest**. Thanks for the reviews and support!

Anyway, part of this chapter will be written in third person, and our beloved Sesshoumaru will finally be making his appearance!

Inuyasha doesn't belong to me.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi**

**General Hospital**

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi**

The General Hospital was a scary place. And I mean really scary. I couldn't come up with anything nice to think about it, all I saw were cold, pale blue walls and excessively clean floors. And the smell. Ew, the smell of disinfectant and bleach was simply overwhelming. It was all so very sterile. I unconsciously edged closer to my aunt as we approached the front desk, behind which stood a middle aged nurse with a pinched face and a permanent frown.

As my aunt explained our reason for being there, I stared around the main waiting room. It was nothing like what I had seen on TV, there was no adrenaline, no rush, and no handsome doctors barking out instructions as a patient bled to death. The people I saw slumped in their seats looked like zombies, and I occasionally glimpsed some patients in hospital gowns pacing mournfully along the corridors.

I tried very hard to stay positive and for a split second I did…until my left breast received a sharp pang. Then I remembered why I was here.

My aunt was now handing over the letter signed by the doctor who had examined me. The nurse read it and her mouth formed a thin line as if she disagreed with our presence. She instructed us to go to the third floor's waiting room and there, my name would be called out as soon as the signed letter reached the doctor who would see me, that is, the one actually mentioned in said letter.

My hands were terribly cold and clammy and I'm sure it had nothing to do with the cool hospital air. I noticed aunt Kumiko glance at me in concern, so I forced a smile on my face and marched towards one of the staircases, leaving her to comically hurry up behind me. As I climbed the steps I mentioned how hospitals should use better decoration to mask at least some of that horrible gloom, make it more a place of healing than of dying. I carried on with some other mindless chatter to help me take my mind off what was soon to come. We reached the third floor panting, (well, me mostly because I had talked so much I'd gotten a dreadful stitch in my side…serves me right I guess), and I'm not a big fan of elevators, I don't really know why but I suppose it had something to do with the swooping motion.

We took our seats at the waiting room and caught our breath. I glanced at my watch, seeing it was ten to four in the afternoon and I realised that I hadn't eaten anything since lunchtime, at work. I wasn't feeling hungry or anything though, I was too anxious to feel hungry.

So we waited. And this time in silence. I could tell my aunt was worried about this, because she usually can't shut me up. But I really couldn't think of anything to say right then, nor did I feel like talking. The pains in my breast were preventing me from thinking of anything else.

The minutes ticked by slowly. When was this doctor going to call me in? Had she received the signed letter yet? Did the letter mention my examination? I hoped it did, I didn't want to go through the awkwardness of removing my blouse a second time.

'_Ayase Rin to room Nine please, Ayase Rin to room Nine.' _Said a clear feminine voice belonging to the nurse at the desk, bent towards a microphone.

This was it. I had to go on alone from here. My aunt caught my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. I smiled nervously at her and stood up, only just realizing I had no idea where room nine was. I looked back at my aunt but she was only nodding her head at me, telling me to hurry up. I decided to go and ask the nurse who had called me. I reached the desk.

"Um excuse me…"

The young nurse looked up and gave me an expectant smile, the kind you would normally give a small child. "Yes?"

"Could you direct me to room nine please? I'm Ayase Rin."

The nurse nodded. "Yes, it's through those doors, the fourth room on the right, with Doctor Saotome."

I smiled appreciatively. "Thanks a lot, I've never been here before and it's a little scary." Great, there goes my mouth again, starting up conversations with strangers. "I just hope this Doctor Saotome is friendly. She is friendly, right? Or is she like that old nurse downstairs at the main reception?" I asked, and I think the nurse laughed at how genuinely serious my question was, more than at the question itself.

"The nurse downstairs just needs to retire, that's all." She said, amused. "And by the way, Doctor Saotome is a he, not a she…Saotome Sesshoumaru. I can't guarantee his friendliness though, but he's one of the best in this hospital so you needn't worry too much."

I was so shocked from hearing that my doctor was male that I scarcely heard the last few words of her sentence.

"He's a he?" I asked stupidly.

"Yes…is there a problem?"

I shook my head quickly. "No, no problem." I thanked her and hurried off. No problem!? Yes problem! A _**MAN**_ was going to touch my breasts! Me! Innocent, never before touched by a male (well apart from that time back in kindergarten and the kid ended up with a bloody nose), little Rin! I ploughed through the swinging doors the nurse had indicated to me and I trekked towards room nine. My hands were sweaty and I was panicky, oh my God, oh my God oh my God…

I suddenly stifled a gasp, pausing in midstep for a moment. What if it was some disgusting old guy with nimble fingers!?

No! I thought to myself. Must stay positive! I continued on down the corridor. The door reading 'Room 9' loomed closer and I took quick but deep breaths that did absolutely nothing to calm me down. Plus, my stomach was making it hard to get air since it was residing somewhere in my throat.

Okay. There was the door. Right in front of me. All I had to do was open it. So why wasn't I moving? I forced my hand to grasp the knob, turn it and push it so that the door would open. Millions of different ways to say 'Hi' raced around my brain.

I felt so unbelievably stupid as soon as I realized that there was no one in the room. I simply stood there idiotically, staring at the empty seat at the desk where Doctor Saotome should be.

What was I supposed to do now? Wait outside or go in and sit down? I looked around. The corridor was practically deserted. Yep, inside was good. I sat down in a chair opposite the desk and placed my hands in my lap. How I wished I hadn't left my sports handbag with aunt Kumiko, I would have found something interesting in there to play with in the meantime. But there was nothing I could do about that now, so I simply waited. I fidgeted and I waited.

Aaaaand I waited some more.

I looked around, stifling a yawn, feeling the initial anxiousness subside a little. I saw behind me, that a corner of the cool blue room was sectioned off with curtains, half drawn and of a shade of navy. That was where I would inevitably be examined, and that particular thought sent an involuntary shudder through my body, not to mention a fresh wave of nerves attack my insides.

I stared at the plain blue walls, and I began to imagine what they would look like if someone gave me cans of paint and freedom to do whatever I wanted with them. Maybe multicoloured butterflies or spirals, maybe cute personalized fireflies, patterns, leaves or even the same floral decorations I had used in my bedroom. Or wait, maybe a mural, yes a mural with mermaids and nice little fishies and seashells…that would go so wonderfully with the blue of the walls and cheer the whole room up and make it cosier and all the more welcoming and-

The sudden opening of the door scared me out of my wits and I would have fallen right off my chair if I wasn't so stiff with anxiety. My head snapped towards the direction of the entrance, heart jumping to my throat and beating wildly.

He came in, swiftly closing the door behind him and sitting down at the desk, all the while concentrating on the file in his hands.

He was beautiful.

My eyes were glued to him like gummy bears to a child's fingers, and I couldn't look away, not that I wanted to. My heart did a little jump when he shifted slightly, allowing me a better view of his face.

His hair was perfect, so silvery, so soft looking and oh so long! He had these wonderful eyelashes, eyelashes a girl would kill for and his _skin_, dear God, it looked so smooth and clean, I've never ever, ever, ever seen skin like that on a man before and I was _dying _to know what products he used, maybe Nivea or some other moisturiser for men…

Oh my God, was he gay?! Oh please don't let him be gay! Please please please please please please please-

"Name?"

I jumped for the hundredth time that day but I was pleasantly surprised (or better, delighted) all the same by his rich, deep voice. It didn't stop me from feeling all nervous and jittery though.

"A-Ayase, Ayase Rin." I spluttered, feeling my cheeks burn.

He nodded, confirming that my name was the same one on the file. He put the papers down and looked up at me.

Holy crap, his eyes! I was positively fanning myself. What an intense colour…

He leaned forward, resting his chin on his hands in a doctorly fashion, his face unreadable yet looking as cool as the blue hospital walls.

"Explain why you're here."

Wow. That was…very straight forward. I swallowed nervously. This was going to be so uncomfortable for me, since usually in these situations I would be chatting someone's ear off but now…No, not with him. He seemed way too professional for mindless banter. And anyway, his gaze was so penetrating it was like he could see right through me no matter what I said.

Or maybe I was just overwhelmed. By him. It was a possibility, I mean, I don't see this kind of thing everyday.

"Um…" I began, hands all fidgety. "I was sent here because I have something…"

His cool amber stare was unwavering, unnerving and unfeeling.

"…In my left breast." I finished. Yes I said it! One point for Rin!

He nodded seriously, in that way doctors do, never taking his eyes off me. He then picked up a pen and moved my file closer to him, his gaze (thankfully) lowering towards the paper.

"When was your last menstruation?"

"H-huh?" the question took me by surprise.

He didn't look up. "Your period."

I knew what he meant, I just wasn't expecting it.

"Um, on the ninth."

He wrote something down. "Pregnant?"

My cheeks flushed. "No." I quickly answered. Stupid Rin! The speed of my reply earned a glance from the man sitting opposite me.

"Allergies?"

"Er…cats." I love 'em but I can't pet 'em

"Recent illnesses?"

"No." does indigestion count?

"When did you find this lump in your breast?"

"Uh, today."

He finally put his pen down and got to his feet. He was surprisingly graceful for a guy, the way he moved. Me likie. And oh my God, he was so tall.

"Go behind those curtains please." He said curtly, the 'please' more out of duty than politeness. I felt my stomach swoop uneasily.

I stood and forced myself to move. I got behind the curtains and Doctor…Saotome, was it? He drew them together and waited on the other side of them for me to remove my black blouse. Which I did, along with my bra. I noticed a bed, one of those strange doctor beds that needed a stool to get on to in order to sit on it. I self-consciously crossed my arms over my now bare breasts, feeling with a surge of humiliation how the nipples gradually hardened from the air conditioning.

I think Doctor Saotome assumed I was done because the curtains were pulled to one side and he stepped in.

"Sit on the bed please."

Without removing my arms from my chest, I did what he said. I could feel goose bumps on my skin and the tickle of my hair on my back as it dangled from my ponytail.

He moved closer, ignoring my obvious discomfort and he firmly pulled my arms away from my chest. I was exposed. But thank heavens he was so indifferent about it, not one flicker of an expression passed over his face as he scrutinized my breasts. He didn't even blink.

But then…he must see this kind of thing everyday.

I watched his amber eyes (what an amazing colour!) travel from one breast to the other. I must add that his face was level with them, because I was sitting on the bed and he on a chair right in front of me. My heart was pounding.

Then, he raised a hand and gently but expertly pressed his surprisingly warm fingers against the underside of my left breast. I admit, it didn't feel as horrible as I had first imagined but I was still mortified about the hard nipples.

He slowly made his way across my breast and reached the part where the lump supposedly resided, I saw him crease his brow ever so slightly as he applied more pressure to the area. I winced a little at the spasm that passed through my breast as he did so.

Did he find it? Was it serious?

He told me to raise my left arm, so I did, and he continued to press that part, frowning. He allowed me to lower my arm. He checked my right breast just in case but he didn't find anything there. He stood abruptly.

"You may get dressed." He said, in that sexy (oh gosh, I just said sexy!) masculine voice, and he went to his desk, drawing the curtains behind him.

I released a breath that I didn't know I was holding and quickly put my bra and blouse back on, conscious that my face was as red as a tomato and had been throughout the whole examination. I could still feel a lingering warmth where his hands had been but I shook the thought off instantly, ashamed.

I kept my gaze lowered as I went to sit down, hoping my face wasn't flushed anymore, though I could still feel my cheeks burning. I was unable to look up and I was unable to speak which was so incredibly strange for me.

Doctor Saotome wrote a few things down and then he spoke.

"You will go and have a mammography taken. The nurse in the waiting room will direct you there."

"A mammography?" I asked, feeling anxious all over again. Wait, wasn't one of those painful? I wasn't that good with pain.

He ignored my previous words and continued, "Your results will be given to you tomorrow." He glanced at his watch.

Tomorrow? But I wanted to know if what I had was life threatening!

"Why not today?" I blurted out. His eyes flickered upwards and I blushed deeply. He must have so many patients to deal with and here was me…rushing him.

"Sorry." I quickly apologised. "Tomorrow's fine."

He held my embarrassed gaze for a while. He stood up, gathering the papers from his desk.

"In this same room at ten o'clock tomorrow morning." He said, and he left.

I sat motionless for a few minutes. Then I slapped my forehead and growled in frustration.

"Stupid, stupid, _stupid_!" I whispered, furious at myself. Why had I acted like such an idiot? Like such a silly little girl? How moronic I must have seemed to him, God! Why was I weird like that? I couldn't be my normal self or something? Noooo, I had to get all blushy and swoony and shy and nervous and stuttery. Gah! No wonder he wanted to leave!

I felt like bashing my head against a wall but I remembered I had more important though equally as painful things to do, such as that mammography.

And I knew I wasn't going to like that one bit.

IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi…

"Good afternoon, Doctor Saotome. Ready to scrub in?"

Sesshoumaru found himself ignoring the nurse's comment and heading straight for the wash room. He removed his white coat and moved to the large sinks and using an elbow he turned on the water, his hands pausing for a moment before the steady gush.

Doctor Sesshoumaru Saotome had done thousands of breast examinations, amongst many other things and had inclusively performed five that very day. His morning patient had been a sixty five year old woman who had returned a mere week after her first examination insisting that he check her over again with his, as she put it, 'Young, skilled hands.'

How perfectly vile. How completely repulsive. But Sesshoumaru was used to it; he had to be, because he was a handsome and outrageously capable surgeon so naturally he was desired. What he did on the operating table wasn't medicine, it was art, it was magic…it was power. And many people lusted after that power, people lusted after his _hands_.

His female counterparts worshipped him, his male co-workers envied him and the chief of medicine took pride in him greedily. Sesshoumaru was a popular man, but that didn't mean he liked it. He was getting fed up with foolish women finding excuses to throw themselves at him and he was fed up of being chased and wanted.

And for some unknown reason he thought back to Ayase Rin's exam. He recalled her face, young and fresh and innocent, doe brown eyes as large as saucers with anxiety. It was strange that she was the only woman he had examined who didn't actually seem to want him to.

He remembered her breasts, so different from those saggy bags of flesh he'd handled on previous occasions. This girl's breasts were soft, perky and perfect, a little smaller than normal but otherwise beautifully formed. I wouldn't do to have to alter them in any way.

But he didn't care about things like that. At all.

Sesshoumaru realized that he was staring at his hands and letting litres of water go down the drain. He placed his hands under the flow, scrubbing them with soap, frowning as he did.

A nurse assisted him with his surgical mask as he placed his hands into creamy white gloves, then he pushed through the swinging doors of the OR with his shoulder, both hands elevated to avoid contact with any surface.

"Ah, it's about time you arrived Doctor Saotome. I was beginning to worry that the old lady in a wheelchair from room 105 had finally caught up with you."

All chuckles were silenced as soon as Sesshoumaru's commanding voice filled the room. "And I can see someone leaving this surgery and joining the ranks of the unemployed. I want professionals in my OR, not clowns, _Doctor_." He finished coldly. The man who had first spoken nodded, his angry gaze fixed upon Sesshoumaru.

Everyone gathered around the prostrate figure on the table.

"Hard day, Doctor Saotome?" One of the nurses dared to ask. Sesshoumaru's eyes, the only part of him fully visible, narrowed dangerously at her.

"Silence." He said, his tone icy.

She didn't speak up again.


	4. Chapter 4

IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi…

I'm so sorry for the eternal hiatus! I was inspired once more to continue this story, because I had planned so much for it….I couldn't let it just lie there…

Thanks so much to all who continued to send me their comments, I read each and every one of them!

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi…**

**Benign or Malignant?**

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi…**

This was my very first mammogram. My aunt had told me about how the whole thing went, and hearing about it didn't really do much to relax me or reassure me in any way. I tried to swallow my nerves as I went on my way to the x-ray rooms. I avoided the elevator of course and took the stairwell, using the maps on the walls as reference to reach X- ray. I got completely lost, which was nothing new to me and I was forced to stop and ask a harassed looking nurse for directions. I finally reached the floor I was searching for, gasping like a fish from the stitch in my side (cause by dashing up and down the stairs) and I pushed through the blue swinging doors.

There was no reception desk in this waiting room, just a little window behind which a nurse sat, isolated by that pane of glass. I meekly approached her and showed her a little note from Doctor Saotome referring me for a mammography. The nurse smiled at me as she finished reading it and asked me to pass through, opening a door beside the glass window. Where had that door been? How come I hadn't seen it before? Anyway, I walked through and was greeted by another nurse, an older one and less friendly. She firmly prompted me into a small and the first thing I noticed was the machine that would provide me with answers. It stood in middle of room, cold hard, impersonal and as I stared at it, I was reminded of a certain doctor I'd met. But this machine seemed ominous and it made me feel uncomfortable, since I was more at ease with warmth and light. I glanced at the steely haired nurse, who adjusting buttons and cables. How could anyone work in a place like this? How could anyone not want people to feel secure in hospital? Why did always have to be cool blues and sterile whites? Why not warm greens yellows or oranges? There was no happiness here, no feeling, everyone was as cool as the walls and the impersonal as the equipment, with hard calculating gazes and stoic expression and beautiful long white hair-

Whoa! Where had that come from? I shook my head lightly to rid myself of images of Doctor Saotome and paid attention to the nurse who was currently repeating herself impatiently.

"I said, please remove your blouse and bra."

I jumped to it and pulled my blouse over my head, and handing over to her. Her face looked sour as she glanced at my breasts when took off my bra. I flushed, wondering if she was envious of my firm, perky mounds and I unwilling stared at her chest, horrid images of saggy boobies entering my head. Ew! Yuck! Get out of my head!

She ordered me to stand in front of the scary contraption and before I knew what was happening she had grabbed left breast and placed it on a freezing cold metal plate. I squealed at icy contact but it was quickly reprimanded, and told to stay completely still. The nurse pushed a few buttons, which made beeping noises. The plaques were pressed upon my breast and the pressure was absolutely excruciating! All of the nerves in my breast were screaming with pain but I fought to keep still to avoid another telling off. I heard the door close behind me and I felt unnecessarily frantic when I realized I was alone and…er…trapped.

The machine whirred frightfully and my little breast was horribly squashed but thankfully it was over in a few minutes. I closed my eyes with relief when the nurse returned to remove the metallic plates. I blinked away tears and cupped my poor breast, wondering amusedly if it should need CPR, but I merely resolved to giving it warmth from my hand. I got dressed and was told that my results would be sent to my doctor. I nodded in understanding and caught the old nurse by surprise by thanking her kindly. She said nothing, but her sour expression softened just the teensiest bit. I was glad to have been able to brighten up her day (not that I want to sound conceited or anything), she must have felt so gloomy stuck in that dark x-ray room every day.

I made my way back to the waiting room where my aunt sat I got lost on the way there, and while wandering down some random corridor, I failed to notice and elderly man in a wheelchair until he came up behind and pinched me on the rear. I was so shocked and oddly tickled by the action that I burst through the first door I could find and ended up at a stairwell, which eventually led me to the very destination I had originally intended for.

My Aunt got to her feet immediately and grabbed my hands as I came near. Her eyes were wide with worry.

"Rin! How was it? What did the doctor say?"

"My doctor was a man." I found myself saying. I knew my aunt had been expecting a more important reply concerning my condition and wore a surprised expression. She was unsure of what to say.

"Um…and did he perform an examination on you?"

I nodded. I noticed my handbag on the seat beside her and I bent to pick it up. Oh how I missed you, dear handbag!

"Did it…go alright?" My aunt persisted. I smiled.

"He was very…" Good? Handsome? Scrumptious? "…Professional." Nice one Rin! Woohoo! "He said that I need to see him again tomorrow morning to find out if it's…" I found myself unable to pronounce the word 'cancer'. "…find out what's wrong with me."

Thoughts of Doctor Saotome were replaced by an impending feeling of doom. It wasn't possible for me to know if the lump in my breast was cancerous or not and I didn't know if my time on earth was shortening, all I was certain of was that I would never let anything depress me or hold me back. I would be the same Rin, the same chatty, optimistic girl I always was and that would be my legacy to the world. Along with my ability to have annoyed the hell out of everyone. But even though I was all those things and more, that didn't mean I wasn't feeling scared about considering death. But I was being ridiculous, I wasn't going to die, I had gotten my breast checked early and if it turned out to be a malignant, the lump could be removed. Couldn't it? So I shouldn't have to worrying about dying. Not yet. Right?

My aunt Kumiko and me left hospital, just when the sun was sinking below the horizon. I loved this time of day, well, dusk, since it wasn't really day…or night for that matter. It's mostly because I don't which time I like best, day, when the sun is bright and warm, when the birds grace the ambience with their song, when everyone is out and about; or night, when the moon is shining, when the stars flicker against a dark velvet sky, when the cool breeze blows and fireflies flitter and flutter in and out of the trees. I like day and night but I prefer dusk because it both yet it's neither. Okay, I'm going on and on with this, trying to distract myself.

Aunt Kumiko nudged me and I looked in the direction she was gesturing at and spotted my favourite café, 'Nee-chan's' across the street. It was tradition, after a day out together to go to Nee-chan's for coffee and a slice of Blackforest Gateau for me, while aunt Kumiko would choose her usual lemon cheesecake.

But not today. We were definitely not in the mood for coffee and cakes, my stomach was flopping around like a trout with worry so I doubted it would hold anything solid, let alone sweet and sticky.

I breathed in the sweet smell of the evening breeze, feeling it rustle the hair in my ponytail. The sun had gone to sleep and the sky was a beautiful blackberry colour, tinted with lilacs and blues. My aunt asked me if I wished to stay at her house for the night. She didn't want me to be alone, well I didn't want to be alone tonight either because I knew what I would think about while lying in bed. But I didn't want her to worry about me, so I declined warmly, telling her that I was fine.

"Do you want me to go with you tomorrow? To your appointment?" She asked, placing a warm hand on my shoulder in a motherly fashion. I shook my head.

"No, its okay, thanks aunt Kumiko. And thanks for coming with me today, I really appreciate it."

My aunt gave me a long hug and we parted ways, and I looked back at her, thanking the heavens that she was my family. She would always support me and shelter me and I was so, so, so grateful to her.

My pace was relatively calm but my attention was not focused on the evening scenery. I was scared…scared about the results, scared of tomorrow's appointment. I didn't know whether I had ever felt this way before, the threat of illness or, Heaven forbid it, death lingering like a dark cloud over my head. I closed my eyes briefly and tried to get rid of these negative thoughts, allowing myself to think of Dr Saotome instead. I sighed and smiled, feeling silly, but I managed to dissipate my worry as I pictured him.

Bah. I was being stupid. I arrived at my apartment and kicked off my shoes as soon as I got through the front door. I dropped onto the sofa and breathed deeply. I stood up and moved to my fireplace. Okay, it's not a real fireplace, merely a block of fake coals set in a dark mantelpiece ( a mantelpiece littered with photos, china ornaments and even little plastic toys from Happy Meals) but it did provide warmth and the 'coals' even glowed a nice cosy orange. I raised the temperature a little because I was feeling the chill of goose bumps on my arms. I doubt it was from the cold.

I noticed the litter of prints on the table. I realized I'd have to notify my boss about my appointment tomorrow, let him know of my absence. I went over to the cordless phone to check my messages. There was just one, from my friend Reika-chan, her calm voice expressing a little worry. I knew I would have to call her back afterwards but I decided to leave it for tomorrow, after the diagnosis…

I moved to the kitchen. I loved my kitchen, decorated in tones of orange and yellow, completely washed in warm and so bright! Despite my lack of appetite, I made myself a quick bowl of shrimp flavoured ramen, but I didn't enjoy it as I normally would have. I didn't even finish it all.

This depressing behaviour was so unlike me! I wanted to shake myself but all I could do was sigh pathetically and think of my appointment tomorrow. At least one positive thing came out of it….I would see my oh so gorgeous doctor again and that particular thought put a silly smile on my face. God, I felt like such a schoolgirl.

I decide to go to bed early because I failed to find anything else to do. I undressed in front of the mirror, gazing at my breasts with a frown before pulling on some teddy bear pyjamas. I snuggled into the pillows, trying to think happy thoughts and clutching my beloved stuffed co called…Moo. Yes, dead original.

I didn't fall asleep straight away.

iIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi

I opened my eyes immediately the next morning. I remembered what day it was and my stomach seemed to fold itself. I reluctantly slid out of my comfortable den of duvets to get washed and dressed. My mind was curiously blank and I found myself performing my morning routine like a second nature, but I paid little attention to that. I phoned my boss, explaining everything (except what the appointment was about) and he understood completely, telling me to take as much time as I needed. That's what happens when you've never taken sick leave or if you're a superb worker…Bonus points with your employer!!

I only had a yoghurt for breakfast (strawberry flavour!) and I regretted it as soon as I left the apartment when a wave of nerves caused my stomach to burn and coil from the dairy product I had just consumed. I gave a hilarious little squeaky burp and I couldn't help giggling.

I walked down the streets. The air was sharp and fresh and I breathed it all in. When I was little, I always thought morning air was new air and that by night time it would have gotten old. Still, I liked the idea of morning air being new, and I liked how there were less people around, how the blue skies were clear of clouds and tinged with the pinks that had lingered from dawn.

I spotted the massive building of the General Hospital towering over the houses, and my heart sped up with fear. In a few hours I would know what was wrong with me. I made a promise, if I were cancer free, not only would I hug Dr Saotome to death (and soooooo marry him), I would donate a _copious_ amountof my own money to the Breast Cancer Foundation. What's more, I promised even more solemnly that if there was ever a person wanting to run a campaign on breast cancer, I'd be the first to volunteer to work on the whole design. Cross my heart and hope to d…cry.

I arrived at the hospital and I stepped determinedly through the automatic glass doors, briefly seeing myself as a child running through them again and again, telling my brother that there was nothing to be afraid of. I felt a small prickle of grief at the memory, and I tried to think of something else as I climbed the stairs. The smell of bleach and disinfectant was quite overwhelming, making my nose hurt. I reached the waiting room of the third floor and I took a seat, glancing at my watch. I was twenty minutes early. Bah! That's what's weird about me, when I'm nervous about going somewhere, I'm usually there first, extremely early, making the wait even more torturous.

I sighed, brushing away a lock of dark hair that had come out of my ponytail. I hope I looked nice. I'd chosen my clothes carefully, all the while telling myself that I shouldn't put so much thought into fashion when all I'd be doing is seeing a doctor. But I found myself wondering if I'd chosen the right blouse, since it was the only one that matched my shoes. Pale blue, if you're asking.

My hands were cold and sweaty and my right leg was twitchy, further exhibiting my anxiousness. I hoped my mammogram was clear, I hoped nothing was wrong, and I hoped I would be called to my appointment soon!

I tried thinking of other things, of happier things. My mind wandered to places filled with silver haired doctors with piercing amber eyes, I let myself dwell on these images, they were harmless after all. And how many women have fantasized about men they've only met once? A lot, I think, but it didn't matter, at this point I was so nervous I gladly accepted any distracting thoughts.

"_Ayase Rin to room nine please."_

I winced at the sound of my name. I shakily got up and made my way to the room. It was ten o'clock sharp. I opened the door and was surprised to find Dr Saotome sitting at his desk, concentrated on the papers from an open file. My file…? I stared at him, at his focused expression, I marvelled at his long lashes and the way he touched a finger to his lips as he read the information.

"You may come in." He said, without lifting his gaze. I jumped, apologising hurriedly and stepping in. My face burned with embarrassment and I felt stupid for simply standing in the doorway and staring. I sat down and quietly waited for him to speak. He looked up at me and I found his cool gaze unnerving. He pushed the mammogram towards me and elegantly linked his hands together, as though in prayer, placing his chin upon them.

I glanced at the mammogram before me, but I didn't understating it as well as a medically instructed person would. Dr Saotome, of course, understood my silence.

"A mass has been found."

I bit my lip. "A mass? Is it…? I mean-"

"It is benign."

His voice was so calm I didn't capture the meaning of his words, but as soon as my brain processed them my whole being swelled with relief and I squeezed my bag so tightly I hurt my fingers. My heart was beating so loud with the sentiment that I was sure Dr Saotome would hear it.

I noticed him watch me carefully. Now, for some reason, I found words filling my head, images bubbling up and my usual disposition had fully returned. He didn't appear so scary or cold anymore and even the smell of the air seemed sweeter and breathable. And I found my voice! Halleluiah!

"So if it's benign, what will happen to the mass?" I asked, still feeling a bit dazed.

"You can leave it as it is or have it surgically removed." He told me simply. Hm. I liked how he spoke, clear and to the point. Sooooo unlike me.

I considered the options. I'd never had surgery before, so that option seemed unlikely. But I needed to make sure. "If I decide to leave it in there, is there a chance of it turning…malignant?"

He didn't blink as he gave me a firm "Yes."

I nodded and I unconsciously chewed my bottom lip, stopping only when I notice Dr Saotome's eyes flicker towards my mouth. The action flustered me for a second, but I soon pulled myself together, ready with a decision.

"What if I want to have it removed?"

"It can be done." He said briskly, lowering his gaze to the papers and scribbling something.

I cleared my throat. This guy was very confusing. "I would like the surgery then please." I said, with a little nervous smile.

"Yes. I gathered as much."

I blushed, and nodded foolishly. I slowly got to my feet and politely asked when the surgery would happen.

"In five days. You must be here at eight in the morning and I will explain the procedure. You may leave now."

What an efficient man. Making my way around to his side of the desk, I stretched out my hand to him in a warm gesture of gratitude. He looked up and observed my hand stoically. He rose from his seat (my God he was so tall!) and gracefully took it, as cool and as unconcerned as he was during the first appointment. But I was so overjoyed at the good news, so elated was I that I did the stupidest thing, feeling confident about that physical contact, I practically threw myself on him in a hug, he was my saviour after all…sort of.

He stiffened terribly and I hurriedly let go, blurting out my thanks and practically tossing myself out of that room without a backwards glance.

I left the hospital after further blood test and all that preliminary stuff that's necessary for a surgery and I was so happy I almost skipped all the way home. I wanted to tell everyone I was fine, I wanted to laugh, dance, do cartwheels on the street! The prospect of my first operation didn't even bother or frighten me, all I wanted to do was go home listen to music, phone my aunt and friends (and of course, my boss!) and savour the rest of the day.

I then remembered my promise of the donation. Tonight I would go online for information and give a whole load of money. I also recalled my other promise involving Dr Saotome and a hug…fulfilled! Well apart from the marriage bit, that is. He was so gorgeous, I'm surprised I didn't drool buckets during my appointment. But I had enough of that. What was important was that I was back! I was normal!

And I didn't have cancer!


	5. Chapter 5

Yes! I know it's been exactly ONE YEAR TODAY since I've last updated…but I remembered that October was Breast Cancer Awareness month and my conscious niggled at me until I grabbed a notebook and started scribbling away…. I _have_ read all the comments despite my absence and it was mostly because of those that I was inspired once again to continue Rin's story…

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi……**

**Surgery**

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi……**

I was ecstatic, over the moon, dancing in the rain! No cancer! NO CANCER!

Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating…..But yes, I was delighted on the outcome on my tests, and this feeling overcame my nerves on the operation I would undergo in less than a week. I was probably acting paranoid, but I thought it was better to be safe than sorry. Besides, I wouldn't feel very comfortable knowing I had a little timebomb ticking away in my breast.

I began to see the world around me with fresh eyes…Okay, I was probably never in danger of dying anyway, but I wanted to use this as a wakeup call, to try and make the most of my life and appreciate the little things more.

Aunt Kumiko almost fainted with relief of course, once she heard my good news. She invited me to our favourite café, Nee-Chan's, for a slice of yummy Blackforest Gateau for me and lemon cheesecake for her.

After that, I phoned my superiors at work to let them know all was well and notifying them of my operation in advance. Lastly I called my friends Reika-chan and Yue-chan who both positively squealed with a mixture of shock, worry and relief as I relayed the entire course of events to them. I promised a wild night out as soon as my operation was over and done with. I oddly omitted the Dr Saotome bit, though I'm unsure why. I always tell them everything, yet this particular occurrence I chose to keep to myself, perhaps out of a feeling of foolishness, thinking my friends would look too deeply into the matter….But that was stupid because there wasn't even ANY depth in the matter. God, Dr. Saotome had made me so jittery and silly!

So, after all those things were done I turned my mind to more important issues. I moved to my lovely, messy desk and began organizing my abandoned papers and prints, untouched since the day I found the lump. I was so full of positive energy that I tidied everything and got down to my research on a new image I was supposed to create for a branch of restaurants.

I continued working straight on until midnight, when my body practically begged me to shut down. Tomorrow I had to show my face at work and update my boss so sleep was highly necessary. I undressed and put on my colourful pajamas and snuggled up in my den of duvets, at peace, delightfully tired and optimistic about the days to come.

IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi

For the most part, the week floated by without major happenings and I found myself getting ready for surgery. The night before, I could barely sleep, and my eyes ached and burned from the lack of it.

Aunt Kumiko noticed how terrible I looked as she accompanied me to the hospital at eight in the morning. EIGHT IN THE MORNING!!!! Tooooooo early for Rin, especially when she hasn't slept a wink all night.

I positively dragged my feet on the way there in silence, which was really uncharacteristic of me. Aunt Kumiko knew I was nervous so all she did was give my soothing pats and squeezes occasionally.

My heart was beating a mile a minute, yet strangely my lips remained stuck together which I believe scared my aunt more.

Arriving at the hospital, I was then separated from her and taken to Dr. Saotome's surgery. I suddenly panicked, having lost the comfort of my aunt's presence and feeling the operation looming ever closer. I glanced down at my boobies, promising them nice and expensive bras and tops for after the ordeal.

A wave of nerves overtook me as I entered Room 9, the oh so familiar Room 9, Dr. Saotome's lair. I then realized how near I was to having my breast sliced open. I was handed a pale clinical blue hospital gown and was told to remove all my clothes and jewellery by a tired looking nurse, who after about fifteen minutes, received my stuff and placed it in a locker.

She left the room and I hugged myself, feeling a little shivery due to the air-conditioning and the flimsy material of the gown that did little to grant me warmth or indeed decency. It reached just above the knee and was parted right at the front with nothing but a couple of strings to tie it together. I held it together additionally with my hands, trying to calm the twisting of my stomach.

Despite it all, I took the time to delicately sniff the cool air, appreciating the slight fragrance of what I assumed was Dr. Saotome's aftershave that lingered about the room.

Aaaaah…it smelt so MANLY. But what was I doing!? No time for that, no time for that!

Dr. Saotome strode into the room and immediately began prepping me for the surgery. I clutched the front of my gown nervously, so hard my knuckled turned white.

His face was blank and professional when he asked me to open the gown in order to inspect me. I swallowed and nodded, pulling apart the garment with trembling hands. I was sooooo glad I'd left my panties on because he would have officially seen me naked…and that would have killed me. He ran over my left breast with a blue marker, indicating the spot that had caused me so much stress. He explained the entire procedure in his wonderful baritone and gestured with his flat palm the incisions he would make, lightly touching my skin as he did so, sending shivers throughout my entire body. He finally put some distance between us and settled his cool gaze upon me. I unconsciously covered myself with the gown and held it together firmly.

Then he left the room. Just like that! Leaving me simply standing there gawping after him!

And God, he smelt HEAVENLY! I savoured the fading wafts of scented air like a lovesick teenager and giggled foolishly as I caught myself. At least it was distracting me from my nerves!

I waited only a few moments, humming to myself and thinking nice, happy things (or tried to anyway), before someone came to fetch me. This time it was a male nurse, who would have looked really cute had it not been for the dark circles under his eyes and the shadow of whiskers dusting his jaw.

I was laid on a wheelie bed and then left alone. I experimented a while with it, wiggling my butt and moving the whole thing from side to side until the squeaks from the wheels got too noisy, making me stop.

"Full of energy today, are we?" Came a cheerful voice from…somewhere.

A male doctor approached my bed, grinning and introducing himself as my anesthesiologist. He was middle-aged and had funny looking grey hair that stuck up naturally in every direction, and kind brown eyes. I felt very much at ease and managed a grin myself, feeling the chatter start bubbling up inside me.

He began fumbling with his implements and introduced a small needle that in turn was attached to a drip, into my pale arm. He chatted to me all the while to help take my mind off what he was doing.

"Are you still in college?"

"No, I'm working for Sekai Incorporated. It's a large company and I'm currently creating an image for a big chain of restaurants opening in the city, I haven't met the owner yet because he always sends his agents but I hope I'll speak to him personally very soon-"

"That's great! And any boyfriends?" He asked, adding a liquid to the drip using a syringe.

"Nope! No boyfriends! Well not yet anyway, I haven't had time for those, hahaha! With all this work I'm doing it's hard enough finding time to sleep let alone date…"

"Aw, that's a shame"

"It isn't really, I prefer seeing the positive side of things, I dedicate my time to work and myself, go out whenever I feel like it and not worry about calling anyone…"

As I continued to natter incessantly on, under this doctor's warm gaze, I felt myself getting droopier and droopier, an incredibly strange feeling, since I was unable to control anything, I just wanted to give in to the warm, fuzzy sleepiness that washed over me, like a journey through a fluffy tunnel…or resting in someone's…embrace…or…something…like…

IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi

Sesshoumaru scrubbed in and approached the operating table, hands raised before him to avoid any contact with a possibly contaminated surface. His team was waiting for his first command, which was the way he wanted it, preferring to be respected and even feared a little, rather than liked. His calculating gaze swept over the room to confirm that everything was in order, that his team was complete and his patient stable.

He pulled back the square of clinical material covering the area of incision, and one of the other surgeons gave a low whistle.

"Sheesh, taking this morning shift actually paid off."

Sesshoumaru shot him an cold, reproving glare. "Be a professional or get out of my O.R"

The man who had spoken lowered his head and nodded submissively and the tension in the room was suddenly palpable. Someone gave a nervous cough.

Sesshoumaru maintained his eyes on him for a moment longer and then slowly lowered towards the young woman asleep on the cold, hard table.

"Scalpel."

IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi

_Silver hair….so much silver hair…__smouldering__ amber eyes, sensual lips, warm hands and light caresses that quicken heartbeats…that soft mouth opens, a gleam of white teeth, the fingers constantly touching skin…a voice, a sound…!_

'_Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!'_

I opened my eyes gradually…only to find that they closed soon after…

_Breaths come in pants, skin upon skin…those intense eyes…beautiful eyes..so much silver hair…and the voice!_

'_Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!'_

I put more effort into this time, making my eyes open all the way… feeling unnaturally groggy…and…so…SORE!

Owwwwwwwwwwww! Hurts! And that annoying beeping sound! My boob hurts, and my nose hurts for some reason and now my head hurts from the stupid beeping…what the hell….?

And then I remember. I'm in a hospital bed, surrounded by machines! One that measured my heartbeat and blood pressure and another feeding me oxygen through my nose. I slowly looked down and checked myself, finding I couldn't see anything because I was covered by a blanket, but I sure as hell could FEEL IT! Owwwwwww!

I had to blink several times because my vision was a little cloudy, before finally adjusting to my surroundings. A nurse bustled in and smiled asking me how I was feeling, but all I managed was an eloquent gurgle. She nodded sympathetically and checked my chart, hurrying out as quick as she had come in.

My head pounded brutally, and my chest was so sore it made breathing painful, but I tried to take calming breaths and to think positive. At that moment aunt Kumiko came in clutching a cup of coffee and looking a little paler than normal. She rushed to my side as soon as she noticed I was away and hugged me, releasing me immediately as I gasped with pain.

"Oh Rin, I'm sorry! I was just so worried is all!" she exclaimed, her eyebrows knitted in concern.

"S'okay…" I slurred, not having shaken off the effects of the anesthetic in its entirety.

Aunt Kumiko pulled up a chair and sat beside me, taking a sip from her cup.

"It…hurts…a lot" I whispered, grimacing. My aunt sighed and was about to say something comforting when someone familiar strode in.

"Miss Ayase, your operation was a success. I was able to remove the mass completely."

Aaaah, beautiful Dr. Saotome! Instead of a white coat he was wearing pale blue scrubs, and his hair had been pulled back into a ponytail. Red hot!

I croaked my thanks, to my embarrassment, not having fully recuperated my voice. Dr Sexy Saotome said nothing, only flipping through my chart.

"You will be discharged later today. This is your prescription for antibiotics. One with every meal. No alcohol, no heavy lifting and no sports."

He handed a small slip of paper to my aunt and he left. Wow, what a man. I'd always fancied the strong and silent type. But enough of that nonsense, I had some serious recovering to do!

His presence had jolted something in my memory though, preventing me from pushing him out of my mind. Did I dream about him!? No, impossible…AN EROTIC DREAM!? Oh God it was coming back to me now, and I felt my face go tomato red with shame. Aunt Kumiko stood up in alarm, convinced I was choking and I was forced to calm her down with a smile in order to not get my back violently thumped.

I closed my eyes in order to rest for the few hours that remained of my stay. I heard my Aunt rustle in her chair, and felt her hand pat my head. I felt relief. It was all over now!


	6. Chapter 6

Hello! I'm back with another chapter…I didn't want to put another year between updates! I realize that the previous chapter seemed a bit rushed, and to tell the truth…it was ….*sheepish*

But don't worry, It'll get better from here, there's a lot of good stuff on the way…

Thank you so much to all the reviewers, your comments are comforting and motivating, I read every one of them!

**...**

**Recovery**

**...  
**

I was kept under observation for a while, accompanied by my aunt and at times by a nurse. I just stared up at the pale blue ceiling and then out the window, sighing as I noticed that it was a beautiful day. It was frustrating to be stuck here on a hospital bed with my left breast stitched together, I would never voluntarily stay still for too long. I felt a sharp stab of pain and bit my lip, and forcing my hand to not fly up and grab myself. That would definitely hurt.

I sighed. I hated being so still! What was the point of being alive if you couldn't move? Well, the upside to this day was that in just a few hours I would be out and more or less about, restricted by a few strips of gauze and Dr Saotome's orders. I turned to gaze at my prescription. Such neat handwriting! I was feeling slightly reluctant to give that slip of paper to the pharmacist, since it would cease to be the only thing of Dr Saotome's that I could keep.

Pffft….what stupidity! Must be the drugs.

I don't know exactly when I dozed off, or for how long, but the nurse was gently shaking me awake, telling me with a smile that my time here was up. I felt a new surge of energy through my body and on my face a large smile broke out. I sat still enough to let the nurse remove tubes, patches and other fiddly things from my body. I could barely contain my excitement! My aunt bustled in carrying a bag with my clothes and set it on the foot of my bed. The nurse left to give me a little privacy so I could change. I lifted myself extremely carefully from the bed, wincing only slightly from the twinges of pain in my chest. I gingerly lifted the hospital gown and removed it from my body, my back turned to aunt Kumiko, who made herself busy packing little things that were scattered around the room, making noise on purpose so I would know she wasn't looking.

I stared down at my chest. It was wrapped in bandages down to the waste and the smell wafting from it was all clinical and…'mediciny'. I lifted a hand to touch, but thought better of it. I began to dress, being ever so delicate…maybe overly so but I always preferred being on the safe side. I had a little trouble bending over to put my shoes on so I asked for my aunt's help and she gladly obliged.

With a happy sigh, I straightened, gazing around at the room. I picked up my handbag and at my aunt's insistence left the larger bag with my stuff to her for carrying. A last glance out the window told me the sun was still shining and the skies were still blue, lifting my spirits even higher. I grabbed my prescription from off the plain bedside table and walked out with my aunt, avoiding my urge to skip keeping in mind my condition.

Aah! It felt so good to breathe in fresh air! I loved being alive…the warm afternoon sun enveloped me and the delicious breeze played with my loose hair. I looked at aunt Kumiko, who smiled back at me, apparently glad that I was my old self again. I chattered to her non-stop all the way to my apartment, leaving nothing out (except for my erotic dream with a certain doctor). On the way we popped into a pharmacy for my drugs, and I mournfully watched on as my prescription was taken from me and stored away. Dang it. Ah well….

We arrived at my apartment and before my front door, aunt Kumiko gave me a long (yet careful) hug.

"I'm so glad you're okay Rin…you don't know how these past few weeks have been. Not knowing…." Her voice faltered.

"It's okay auntie! Look at me, I'm as good as new and now you won't have to worry about me." I smiled. She nodded, eyes shining with an emotion I couldn't quite place.

"Yes. I was…afraid. We only have each other in this world and, well, that's why I worry so. I'm your only family, as you are to me." She gave a long sniff and blinked her eyes a few times. I swallowed a lump, my eyes stinging.

I hugged her again, ignoring the pangs in my left breast. "I love you auntie, I'm glad I still have you." I whispered, breathing in her familiar flowery perfume. I felt her nod against me. After that, we parted. She reminded me to take my antibiotics and ordered me to call her if anything was wrong. I promised her I would and waved goodbye as she descended the stairs.

I stood there for a further five minutes until I realized where I was. I rummaged for my keyes, and opened the door, kicking in the large bag that aunt Kumiko had carried for me. I felt something warm wash over me as I entered. It had only been a day since I'd gone but coming home made me discover how much I loved and missed this place. I had converted it into an extension of myself, awash with colour and brightness, with feeling and warmth. It was a place where I felt truly comfortable, and it provided me with the energy I needed to enjoy life. I sighed happily as I gently sat myself down on the sofa, tossing my shoes off and wiggling my toes.

I let my head fall back, turning it slightly to the left. I spotted the phone and decided to call my friends to let them know I was alright.

**...**

Nightfall, but the work was never over for doctor Saotome. He had two more surgeries left and a mountain of paperwork to fill in, something he looked forward to with as much enthusiasm as a snail faced with a marathon.

He entered his office and immediately noticed the flashing red light on his phone. Missed calls. Risa, no doubt. But he had little time for her, or anything trivial for that matter, which is why he always switched off his mobile during his shifts, leaving only his beeper functioning. Well, if Risa needed him urgently, she knew where to find him. After all….they were mere floors apart.

He sat back in his chair, running his long fingers through his silken hair. It had been a productive day so far, consecutively successful surgeries, obedient patients, few complications…

He leaned forward, resting his chin on his interlaced fingers. What would his father think of him now if he saw what he had chosen? Medicine. Medicine instead of business, instead of grand corporations. Sesshoumaru's mother had always known, however, what his future would be. A doctor herself, she had conveyed her wisdom unto him, steering him in the right direction. But was it the right direction? He had always felt that something was missing in his life, but he constantly ignored it. Why feel this? He had everything…

He stared down at the pile of papers that required his attention.

_Absolutely everything…._

**...**

Recovery was tough…and boring. Plenty of rest, take medicine blah blah blah. I was raring to go! I wanted to start work right away! Bah! I was fed up after only three days, wandering around the house looking for something to do other than watch TV or stare at the clock.

Or think of Saotome.

Gah! I felt so _silly_, always thinking about him. They were harmless thoughts of course, akin to those one might have of a celebrity…But still. I was just feeling so grateful to him, seeing as he operated on me and everything. I wondered if it would seem too obvious if I sent him a thank you present…

At least it would be something to do!

I paced my apartment in anguish. Should I? Should I? _Should I? _No it'll look too pathetic. But it's only fair I should send him something, even a little thing. Or will he think it too trivial? Or WORSE, will he see it as an advance? Should I? Should I?

After several hours of indecisiveness, I eventually grabbed my coat and purse and went out. I walked slowly as a precaution. Breasts can jiggle somewhat to a brisk pace and I refused to test out the strength of my stitches.

At the supermarket I ambled down the aisles, trying to find something that Dr Saotome would like. A difficult task because I didn't know him at all. Aftershave? No, too personal. Cake? He doesn't look the sweet type. Prawn flavor Ramen? That was for me, and I chucked it in the basket.

Hmmm…Wine? Yes, that looked reasonable enough! He definitely seemed like a wine person. Unfortunately I knew very little (meaning nothing) about wines so I just plucked out the bottle with the prettiest label. I paid for the things and set off for the hospital. Was it perhaps too soon? I didn't bother to think more on it, my stride was too filled with purpose for me to hesitate.

I passed the automatic doors and continued on till I reached the reception area. I greeted a harassed looking nurse just as she put down the phone.

"Um, hi, is it possible to see Dr Saotome?" I asked, wearing my sweetest smile. The nurse flicked through a large agenda, her eyes darting everywhere.

"Did you schedule an appointment?"

"Well, no…the thing is, I've come to give him a thank you present, I'm a patient of his and he operated on me about three days ago…" I trailed off noticing how vehemently the nurse was shaking her head.

"I'm afraid that's not possible, he's in surgery at the moment." She told me firmly. I bit my lip. Now what?

"Can't I leave it here with a note? Could you give it to him for me?" I pleaded, and I saw her hesitate. "…Please?"

She let out a sigh. "Fine then, but it'll have to be tomorrow."

I beamed and whipped out a pen and a piece of paper from my pocket. I ALWAYS carry a pen and paper with me, you never know what brilliant idea might pop up when you least expect it! I scribbled my thanks and my name on the paper (not my number, unfortunately) and the nurse provided me with some tape to stick it on the bottle. I handed my gift over to her.

"Thank you very much!" I said, and the nurse gave me a tired smile before attending to the constantly ringing phone.

I left the hospital content, trying to imagine the look on Dr Saotome's face as he received my gift. Probably just a glance and back to his work I suppose. Ah well, I still felt good. I loved giving people things!

It was getting dark, but I didn't hurry home. I don't know why people feel so depressed at dusk, it's a wonderful part of the day, this transition from light into darkness. Okay, I love every part of the day, but it's marvellous to just walk in the dim light, breathing in the evening smells and watching the lights of the city come alive.

I arrived home just in time to take my antibiotics. The bandages felt constricting still, but in less than a week I would be having them removed! The twinges of pain that constantly bothered me were decreasing in frequency, thank goodness. I ate my prawn flavoured Ramen and sat back to watch some boring boring TV. Oh how I hated just sitting here and watching TV! I wanted to be up and about, doing work or _something_. Recovery can be so very dull.

**...**

Seven o'clock in the morning. Sesshoumaru stepped out of his sleek black Porsche, a gift from the chief of medicine, and pocketing the keys, he set out towards the towering General Hospital.

The day had just begun and the air was fresh and crisp, not that he notices, for he had so little time or patience to deal with such frivolities. He strode through the automatic doors, his long black coat whipping behind him. A glance at his silver Rolex told him he was on time, as always. He began to pass the reception area.

"Doctor Saotome! Sir!"

He stopped and turned his head slightly towards the voice, acknowledging that he had heard. The nurse from reception, rather than call out her message, hurried over to where he stood.

"Um, Doctor, a gift was left for you at reception." She said nervously, holding out a bottle of wine to him. Sesshoumaru arched one elegant eyebrow, yet he made no move to receive it.

She tried again, "It's a thank you present from one of your patients, a young woman."

His cold gaze lowered from her face to the gift which he lifted from her grasp. He walked away without a word, his shiny black shoes tapping lightly on the polished hospital floor.

He entered his office, closing the door behind him. He had some time left, the earliest appointment was scheduled for eight o'clock. He set the wine upon the desk and removed his black coat, replacing it with his usual white one. Sitting down, he perched his chin on his interlaced fingers and scrutinized the bottle, or more importantly, the slip of paper stuck to it.

'_Thank you Doctor, for giving me piece of mind and not a piece of my breast. Ayase, Rin.'_

An attempt at humour no doubt, but it was lost on him, as humour always was. Sesshoumaru was a far cry from a comedian. With a slender finger and thumb he picked the note off the bottle and made to throw it in the wastepaper basket. He paused. He placed it in a desk drawer instead. The wine itself was not a bad choice, something he would have drunk at mealtimes.

It wasn't the first time he had received presents from patients, so he was irritated to wonder why this one felt different. From the girl with the perfect breasts…yes, he remembered.

His cell phone rang, distracting him. He glanced at the screen. Risa. He answered it.

"Yes."

"Sesshoumaru, I'm glad you could find the time to answer my calls." Came a deep, feminine voice that dripped with sarcasm.

"You know perfectly well I have no time for nonsense." He replied coldly. He heard a sigh on the other end.

"Look, I don't want to argue. It's Friday and I know you're free tonight, so here's a suggestion…"

Sesshoumaru's amber gaze flickered towards the bottle of wine as he listened to Risa speak. And there it remained for the entire conversation.

**...**

I couldn't believe it! I had very persuasive friends…Here I was, getting all prettied up to go clubbing whilst layers of bandages still covered my chest. Reika and Yue would be arriving any second and I still had to decide what blouse to wear! What a Friday night this was going to be…

I searched through my wardrobe hoping to find something pretty and that would cover up my bandages completely. I eventually chose an off-the-shoulder sweater the shade of deep red wine and carefully put it on. I moved in front of my full length mirror to assess my image. Yep, it was good! Wine red sweater, snug black trousers and black low-heeled sandals (couldn't risk the high heels!). It had taken me positively _ages_ to paint my toenails because bending over was still difficult.

The doorbell rang just as I was applying my mascara. I clattered along in my sandals to let my friends in.

"Rin-chan! You look great! No one will guess you've had surgery five days ago!" Reika exclaimed, looking pixie-like with her short hair and glittery dress. Yue nodded enthusiastically in agreement, she too was dressed similarly. I seemed to be showing the least skin of the three.

"Girls, you know I _really_ shouldn't be going, Dr Saotome told me to rest-" I began.

"Pfft! Always that Dr Saotome! C'mon, you haven't had fun in weeks, Yue and me are feeling kinda neglected." Reika huffed with mock indignation.

I pouted, bursting into peals of laughter as Yue flicked my protruding lower lip, like she always did when I made that face.

"Ow, ow, ow!" I gasped, fighting back my giggles, clutching my ribcage as spasms of pain pulsed through my breast from the over exertion. Reika helped me straighten, wiping a stray tear from her eye as the last of her giggles died down.

"Right ladies! March!" She bellowed, swinging her arms to and fro and clomping noisily out. Yue and I grinned at each other and followed suit.

The club was called Blue and it vibrated with good music and energy. I could barely hear myself think from the noise but the very thing I needed was to simply enjoy the evening and let loose. The three of us pushed through the crowd and towards the bar. Dark blue leather sofas lined the walls and bluish lights sparkled overhead, giving the place an underwater feel. I experienced a light and floaty sensation…I do love anything to do with the sea.

"Rin! What are you having?" Yue hollered. She was forced to repeat herself twice more to make herself heard.

"Mineral water! Bottled!" I yelled in reply. "Antibiotics!" I finished, seeing her disapproving frown. She made a face that seemed to say 'oh right, I forgot', and giving me a thumbs-up, she went for the drinks. Smirnoff for her, vodka and Red bull for Reika and mineral water for me. I didn't mind, I wasn't that much of a drinker, plus alcohol tastes so _disgusting! _

We danced, eyed plenty guys and mostly giggled for most of the night. I downed half the water, regretting it later as I felt nature's call. My bladder is about the size of a pea. I mouthed the word 'bathroom' to my friends and set off to search for one. I got so lost that I had to ask the bartender where to find it! I was sent to second floor that consisted of a large balcony that overlooked the first floor with some parts leading outside to the fresh air. I found the bathroom successfully where I did my…ahem, business, doubling back for my mineral water which I'd forgotten by the sinks.

Just as I was making my way downstairs, I caught a flash of silver by the second floor bar. My stomach flipped over violently.

Dr Saotome! Sitting on a stool by the bar! Holding a drink in his hand! And _God_ did he look good…Dark silk shirt, open at the throat, black pants and shiny black shoes. He was with a beautiful woman, wearing a violet satiny dress and heels. Her hair was a curtain of deep red curls that swayed with her every movement. I saw her whisper in his ear, pick up her handbag and leave. Dr Saotome merely stared after her wearing a bored expression. Were they involved? My heart clenched at the thought, and I mentally berated myself for being so silly.

I swallowed. Should I say hello? Should I ignore him and join my friends? I gripped my bottle of water with sweaty hands. Will he think I'm following him? Oh my God, he might be! I'd better just walk away right now without a word. Now means now Rin, go go go! But what if he noticed me avoiding him? Argh!

…What do I do?

**...**

Sesshoumaru gulped down his whiskey and set his glass on the bar.

_Tsk._ Risa had managed to persuade him into coming here, only to abandon him at the first cry of her beeper. Urgent, she had said. One of the weaker children.

What a nuisance. What a complete waste of time. He had better things to do than drink and observe people use music as an excuse to 'dry hump'. He looked at his watch. Almost an hour spent here and nothing to show for it except a light taste of whiskey on his tongue. Turning to the bartender, he gracefully slid his money across and was about to leave when he abruptly found himself face to face with a petit young woman with large doe brown eyes and raven black hair.

A familiar young woman. With perfect breasts.

**...**

Seeing him up close left me breathless. My mouth dried up, something that occurred in his presence alone leaving me little else than to choke out my words.

"Hi, Dr Saotome, Remember me? Rin?" God, I sounded so _pretentious_. Like a dumb fan girl.

His amber eyes roamed over me for a few seconds. "Sesshoumaru."

I tilted my head slightly to one side, confused.

"I'm not your doctor here. Call me Sesshoumaru." His deep baritone and piercing gaze were intoxicating. He signalled to the bartender and was given another drink. Whiskey. Ok, now I know he likes it…I immediately remembered the wine.

"Did you get my gift?

He sipped at his drink calmly before setting it down. "Yes."

What…no thank you? Bah! This guy was extremely tough to please. I suddenly realized he was staring at my breasts. Ah, a medical kind of stare…Dang.

"I recall recommending plenty of rest." He said, eyes now level with mine. I grinned sheepishly.

"Yes, well… I thought I was doing pretty good and the pain has subsided quite a bit. And I have _very _convincing friends." I chuckled. He on the other hand, looked far from amused. I struggled for something witty to say. Yes…me! Struggle! Rin, the Chatterbox, at a loss for words! Wait…I got it!

"Well, at least I'm not mixing alcohol with my medication." I smiled, raising my bottle of water and giving it a jiggle. A corner of his mouth twitched. Bingo! Success!

I remembered something else. "That woman I saw earlier," I swallowed, "Your girlfriend…she's very beautiful."

He sipped his whiskey slowly, observing me with those fascinating eyes. I felt myself getting warm.

"She's not my girlfriend." Over the rim. The force with which my heart leapt with joy at his words surprised me.

He put down his glass. "She's my fiancé."

My heart plummeted down from its jubilant heights. My mouth tasted bitter. Why were the good ones taken!? Still, despite the utter disappointment wracking through my being, I tried my hardest not to let it bother me.

"Oh wow…Congratulations!" I exclaimed, my voice a little higher and less sincere than it should have been. Did he notice? I didn't know, he just sat there watching me, in silence. He turned his head to look elsewhere. I held back a sigh. Any sane person would have understood the gesture as a sign to get lost. But I'm not known for my sanity. Before I knew what I was doing, my hand was on his arm and I was pulling him towards me.

"Come on, let's dance!"

He stared at me as if I'd lost my mind, his eyes growing intense.

"No." He told me coolly, but as he tried to pull away from my grasp, I only held on tighter.

"Please Sesshoumaru, try to relax and let loose!" I insisted. But his will was like steel and he resisted my sweet girlish charm. He pulled his arm away, gulped down the rest of his drink and picked up his jacket. I did sigh this time.

"No. I can't." he murmured, and he left.

I stood there, alone…surprised. Surprised at his loyalty mostly. He must love his fiancé very much… or loathe dancing. Trying not to feel down, I smiled broadly, telling myself I had the rest of an evening to enjoy and nothing to worry about. But somehow it didn't lift my spirits as successfully as I'd hoped.


	7. Chapter 7

OMG. Sorry for being so bloody lazy and taking so bloody long! Well, I actually have a good excuse: full-time job and Uni. But all of your reviews are so motivating, and they encourage me to keep on writing until the finish. Which is what I'll do….even if I take another 20 years!

**A Beginning**

Sesshoumaru let his car keys drop on the dresser with a clang. The light was on in the bathroom. _Ah, so it wasn't so urgent_, he thought but feeling nothing all the same. This was happening more and more frequently. Feeling nothing.

He removed his watch and let it drop beside the keys, and he moved towards the king-size bed, undoing the buttons on his shirt. He heard the sound of a light switch and felt two slender hands sliding up his back.

"Mmmm, Sesshoumaru, how long has it been since we made love?' Risa said huskily. He felt nothing still. Her hands were on his broad shoulders and her naked breasts pressed up against him.

"Not now Risa."

He was brusque, but he didn't care. He never cared. But she was insistent, and he knew that sooner or later if she kept this up he would fall.

"Please Sesshoumaru, I want you…I burn for you…and who knows when our next chance will be?" her voice was low and sexual, and her breath tickled his ear. He felt a stirring below. Sensing his acquiescence, she brought her arm around him and slid her hand down his toned stomach and into his trousers. To see if he was ready for her. Oh, he was ready.

She sighed at the rock hardness of him, and pressed her breasts harder against his back. Without a sound Sesshoumaru turned to grab her and he pushed her down onto the large bed. He knew she wouldn't protest, he had always been rough with her and she learnt to like it. He didn't bother to check if she was ready for him, she always was. With one smooth movement he was on top of her and separated her legs with one knee.

(LEMON STARTS HERE)

He unzipped his trousers, freeing himself…he was large. He wondered now how long it was since he last had her. But he didn't dwell on it, he was intent on self-gratification and this moaning woman beneath him was driving him mad with animal instinct. Her naked body was toned and firm, and her sex was dripping…if he didn't take her now he would explode. He rammed himself inside her, ignoring her muffled cries and he pumped his organ in and out at a fast pace, feeling her walls create friction on his enlarged manhood. He kept up the intense rhythm and brought a hand to Risa's overlarge breasts, crushing them and squeezing them roughly. She mewled with pain and pleasure, feeling herself closer to going over the edge. Sesshoumaru went harder and faster, ignoring everything around him and with the last stroke he burst, depositing his essence inside Risa and letting out a throaty groan.

(LEMON ENDS HERE)

After the intense session, he quickly pulled out and zipped himself up, heading for the bathroom. He removed his clothes and stepped into the shower, feeling a slight disgust as he thought back on what had just happened, and at the sticky feeling it had left him with. Under the hot water he washed himself, tilting his head back so that the stream would fall on his throat and toned chest. He slowly turned the water off and ran his hands through his wet hair.

Stepping out of the steamy bathroom in a dark blue towel, he found that Risa had fallen asleep in the nude. He frowned a little, not wanting to touch her anymore than he had to. And he had…that was enough. He felt a slight revulsion at the thought of sharing a bed with her, despite her luscious curves and perfect, oval face. He didn't like her breasts…too large, and hanging once freed of her lace bra. His mind flashed to a pair of perfect breasts, but he dismissed the thought immediately, brutally.

No, he had responsibilities, and one of them was marrying Risa. Yes, it was convenient…after all, her father _was_ the chief of medicine at General Hospital. But why was he feeling so…indescribable? Years had gone by and he hadn't complained about the arrangement, yet recently he'd wanted to cut himself away from it all, rebel, break free. He removed his towel and put on some grey slacks, lying down on the edge of the bed, careful not to touch the naked woman sleeping close by.

Yes, it was disgust. Cold disgust. He didn't want to be near her, despite her attractive looks. He thought about the club, and the girl. The petit girl with the large eyes and perfect breasts.

_Perfect breasts._

It was harmless to think these things, after all, he did it with a cool surgical head. He knew for a fact that she was indeed attracted to him, what with the gift and the mindless conversation at the club in an effort to get noticed. Another meeting with her was inevitable, as a routine checkup was required once she made a full recovery. Only days away.

He realized that he still felt nothing when thinking about her. But most importantly he noticed that he didn't feel disgust either.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi**

I got home at one in the morning, absolutely exhausted. Once my friends had dropped me off and had gone on their way, I took off my clothes and threw them in a pile in the corner of my bedroom. Yuck, they smelt of cigarette smoke and God knows what else. I carefully put on my nightie and lay down on my nice comfy, squishy bed. Oh, how I loved my bed! I squinted at the calendar on my bedside table and say that the day I circled was not far off. Despite how things had gone with Dr. Saotome…I mean, Sesshoumaru, in the club I was nevertheless looking forward to seeing him again. I realized with a jolt that he would be looking at my breasts again but this time I didn't mind so much. Yes, I still blushed madly at the thought, but….I don't know…I just really liked the guy.

Too bad he's getting married. I can't tell you how awful I felt about that. And she was so beautiful too….the type of beautiful that makes you ache inside with longing or envy. They deserve each other…and they'll make some very pretty babies. I giggled, feeling my spirits lift a little.

Maybe after my last appointment with him I would get him out of my mind forever. I sure hoped so.

I awoke to the sound of the shrill ringing of my phone. Bleary eyed I peered at my bedside clock and saw that it was already eleven o'clock. Thank heavens for Sundays! I tumbled out of my warm bed, completely forgetting that I was all stitched up and feeling the sharp stab of pain that ensued. I clutched my poor breast and dragged myself to my living room to answer the phone.

It was aunt Kumiko, calling to ask how I was. I told her I was perfect, omitting last night's clubbing of course. She wanted to invite me to our favourite café, Nee-chan's, for great big yummy slices of cake. Oh, that black forest gateau! I was drooling already, tasting its rich sweetness. I agreed to meet her there in half an hour, and hung up. I pulled my nightie off and went to have a wash. I showered carefully, trying not to get too eager with the sponge as I brought it over my chest, gently lathering myself with soap. Mmmm lavender. Love that scent.

I dressed with the same care, jeans and sleeveless white blouse, and my wine coloured jacket on top. It wasn't cold outside but spring always brought cool breezes with it. And I didn't want to come down with the sniffles, oh no…just imagine sneezing or coughing in my condition! Awful! Unthinkable!

I caught sight of the clothes I'd worn last night, rumpled in a corner. I sighed, remembering my absolutely embarrassing situation with Dr. Saotome, feeling my face get hot at the thought. Gah! Why were the good ones taken? I never imagined him as the marrying type…but the fiancé was so beautiful, I couldn't blame him. I recalled how she looked, dark red hair that hung in loose curls, a long lithe body sheathed in a flattering violet dress…big boobs. I think she was almost as tall as him. Gah, it made me feel so small and dumpy and…boring. Come to think of it, there was nothing spectacular about me at all! Dark hair, brown eyes…average height (ok, ok I'm a little on the small side but I don't like saying it!). Probably the only noticeable thing about me was my conversation. My never-ending conversation. And my optimism I suppose. I wonder if I would have traded either of those for light eyes or a few more inches in height…

But nah, I wasn't that superficial. And like in all self-help books, you had to learn to love yourself. Actually, I'd never really fretted about my looks before, but after last night I started to pay more attention to myself with every glance in the mirror. I started to stupidly wonder if Dr Saotome would have taken more notice of me had I been a ravishing raven beauty, with a height to match his own and a cool demeanor to compete with his. A sharp pain shot through my breast, snapping me out of my nonsensical dreaming and I realized how foolish I was being. Ravishing raven beauty? Purleeeease. Cool demeanor? Impossible! I could barely make a serious face at a funeral. I was too cheerful for my own good. I shrugged to no one in particular, smiling at myself and my quirkiness. I grabbed my sports handbag and left the apartment, thinking of nothing but gobbling down a delicious slice of gateau.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi**

By the time Risa awoke that morning, Sesshoumaru had been gone for approximately three hours. She sighed, turning to look at her watch on the bedside table. Eleven in the morning. Where could he have gone, early on a Sunday? She knew he didn't work Sundays, just like her, and she had daddy to thank for that. Having your father as the chief of medicine certainly had its upsides. She lazily stretched, reveling in her nakedness, and ran both hands over her cool body. He had been rough last night, perhaps rougher than all the previous times they had bedded together. But she wasn't sore, in fact she quite liked his brusqueness when taking her. Would marriage put a stop to it? She hoped not.

She knew full well his reasons for proposing to her. Well, it wasn't so much a proposal, but more of a flat statement.

"_We are to be married"_ he'd said. No passion, no feeling…nothing. Just cold words. With Sesshoumaru it was always cold words and icy glares and dark cynicism. She knew her father had persuaded him to do it, after all, he needed someone to take over at the hospital after his retirement and who better than Dr Saotome? Perfect doctor, perfect surgeon, perfect scientist. Perfect husband? Not likely.

Sesshoumaru had made his point clear from the beginning. He wanted the position, and marrying her was the surefire way of getting it. It would be a monarchy of sorts, the son-in-law of the chief taking over. All cosy, all convenient. She wasn't complaining, she'd been after Sesshoumaru forever, having fallen in love with him at first sight. He didn't love her, that was obvious, but he was hers all the same, and would be for a long time. She wanted to have his children, be his wife, his lover and his confidant. She began to imagine herself swollen with child, his child…and she smiled, touching her flat stomach. She shouldn't take contraception anymore, if she were pregnant maybe things would improve and the marriage would happen quicker. She planned into the future, thinking already on maternity leave at the hospital, they would understand, after all she was a children's doctor. She loved children and she wanted a child of her own…

She got up and slipped on her sheer dressing gown, catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror. How could Sesshoumaru _not_ want her?

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIi**

Aunt Kumiko and I grabbed our usual table by the window that looked out into the street. I saw the towering General Hospital and shivered, thinking that in a few days I'd return there to have my stitches removed. We ordered what we always did, black forest gateau for me, cheesecake for auntie and lattes for both of us.

I tried so hard to not plunge my face into the slice of cake as soon as it arrived, instead lifting my fork and delicately separating a bite size piece. The rest wasn't delicate I'm afraid, as I gobbled the chunk down as if my life depended on it and doing the same with the rest of the slice. Aunt Kumiko was dainty all throughout, dabbing her mouth with a napkin and all that stuff I can't be bothered with.

I resisted the urge to lick my plate clean and sat back with a contented sigh. My aunt asked me how I was doing, when my next appointment was, what I was going to do after and lots of other questions that I answered animatedly. I picked up my latte to take a gulp and froze, eyes fixed upon the opening door.

It wasn't difficult to recognize him, what with the beautiful long hair, cold amber eyes and six feet in height. My God, he looked so gorgeous, wearing a black polo neck sweater and beige trousers, freshly pressed. He strode to the counter and ordered, reaching into his back pocket for his wallet. His movements were so elegant, so filled with purpose and I found that unbelievably sexy.

Now, may I remind you that I was currently staring with my mouth full of liquid, so naturally I swallowed as quickly as possible and failing miserably, almost choking to death and spraying coffee everywhere. Aunt Kumiko jumped to my assistance flapping napkins around and thumping me on the back. Through teary eyes I looked over to the counter. Great, Dr Saotome was staring right back. The humiliation!

Was he going to come over here? For a split second I pictured him performing the Heimlich maneuver on me. I definitely wouldn't have minded. But no, he received his coffee, placed the money on the counter in one smooth gesture and breezed out. My face was tomato red.

"Rin, whatever is the matter? Is there still something caught in your throat?" Asked my aunt anxiously.

I tried to control myself. "No, I'm fine auntie, really" I sighed. My ego wasn't though.

We left the café together and walked back home. Aunt Kumiko insisted on accompanying me to my apartment but I told her I was ok, flashing her one of my famous smiles. She hugged me and went on her way. I rushed to my place and as soon as I closed the door behind me I let loose.

"Stupid, stupid stuuuuuuupiiiiid!" I cried, whacking my forehead with the palm of my hand. I would remember that scene forever and ever. I went over and sat on my sofa, letting out a long, exasperated sigh. No, I had to think positive. Maybe it was for the best, and maybe whenever I thought of that embarrassing spectacle I would link the feeling to Dr Saotome, and in that way try to forget about him.

I realized I had a really strong crush on him, and had let it develop. From the first day, despite my berating myself for thinking about him, I had thought it was a harmless girly thing. But now….it was definitely deeper, and found myself excited to see him again for my checkup. I knew it would be the last time, so I decided to play it cool, no matter how much I wanted to be myself. Maybe I could tell him about it, playfully? Like a joke? NO! Huge mistake…better not. I'll end up looking silly.

I tried to smile about it, making myself believe that I would think back on this in the future and laugh at my foolishness. Yes, I had to believe it. It was the only way to make it bearable.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi**

Sesshoumaru arrived at the hospital, and swept to his office. The nurse at reception had asked what he had been doing here, seeing it was his day off, but he had ignored her. He didn't need to justify himself to anyone. He sat down in his chair and sipped at his coffee. Black, no sugar…real hardcore. He drank it out of habit, not because he needed the caffeine. He organized the papers on his desk, not bothering to read them, and he placed them in a drawer.

He hadn't wanted to stay at home with Risa. He hated being walled in with her for too long. And five minutes was too long. The more she loved him and asked for him, the further he went in the opposite direction. He wondered if he ever should have agreed to the arrangement, but he knew that if he didn't go through with it, the chief would never give him the position. And that was that.

He leant back in his chair. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the wine bottle given to him by the girl. The Ayase girl, wasn't it? He never really bothered with names, he felt himself above that. The bottle was perched on a stool in a corner, right where he had left it. He got up and lifted it, reading the little note once again. That girl. He had seen her earlier in the café…making a fool of herself in front of everyone. He surprised himself by feeling amused. The sight _had_ been entertaining after all.

Ayase. The girl with the perfect breasts. Why did his thoughts always linger on her breasts? He had seen hundreds of pairs. He pictured hers now, the colour of strawberries and cream, not too big, not too small. Pale skin, soft to the touch, pulsing with her heartbeat. Rosy nipples that quivered and shrunk to perfect little nubs. He then moved to her face, a soft face, with large doe eyes and long black lashes. A rosebud mouth, pale cheeks tinged with pink. Her hair, long and raven black, probably silky to the touch. The rest of her body voluptuous.

He blinked, and frowned. He put the bottle down on his desk and picked up his calendar. In four days she had an appointment with him to have her stitches removed. One last look at those perfect breasts and that would be that. But he knew it wouldn't.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi**

Being back at work really made time whizz past. I loved being at work, with people and colours and ideas everywhere. My projects were finishing up nicely and my clients were pleased, which made my boss pleased…which made me pleased. So pleased in fact that I'd almost completely forgotten about my appointment with Dr Saotome the next morning. Actually, my boss had reminded me, and had wished me good luck. Reika and Yue promised to call me tomorrow to see how I was and to hook me up with some guy from resources. Ugh, I hated when they did that.

I got home that evening and treated myself to chocolate icecream. Love love love chocolate icecream. My work was strewn over the dining table in a mess but I didn't care, sliding down on my sofa and kicking my shoes off, savouring the rich taste of the frozen dessert. I decided to get an early night, and my heart did a little somersault when Dr Saotome's image popped up in my head. God, still? Was I never going to get over it? I laughed, shaking my head with disbelief. I remembered my promise. Play it cool. Yeah, cool and smooth. I knew I was going to fail hopelessly but I wasn't bothered too much. I liked being myself enough not to.

In my room, in front of the mirror I undressed, taking one last look at the bandages. I remembered how scared I'd felt, wondering if it was cancer. My future had been so uncertain then, but it was alright now, as if it'd never happened. I pulled on my nightie and slid into bed, snuggling under the brightly covered duvet. I switched off my bedside lamp and tried to think of innocent, happy things to get to sleep. But the only way to fall asleep now was to think of Saotome.

The alarm startled me awake and I threw an arm out to whack it into silence. I groaned from under the covers. But as soon as I remembered what day it was I shot out of bed (well, as best as I could being stitched up) and showered, using my favourite lavender soap. I took extra care with my appearance today, blow drying and brushing my hair. I left it down today, instead of in the usual ponytail. I chose a loose white blouse that cinched below my breasts and billowed out like a dress, reaching to just above my knees. I put on some black leggings and black tennis shoes. Yeah, the tennis shoes made the look a bit sportier, but I didn't mind, I liked being comfy. I left my apartment with my trusty black sports handbag and set off with plenty of time to spare. My heart and belly were fluttering nervously but I was determined to keep control.

I arrived at the hospital and informed the nurse at reception about my appointment. She sent to the same waiting room as before and I waited for my name to be called. I distracted myself by looking at the plain walls, imagining dolphins, mermaids and all sorts of sea creatures painted on them, that would definitely cheer this place up. Everyone was looking so somber here, it was beginning to get to me. But I just thought harder on my imaginary murals.

"_Ayase, Rin. Room nine."_

There it was. My stomach gave a tremendous lurch and I almost lost my breakfast (eggs and toast), but I swallowed it back down. Yucky, I know. I made the familiar trip to Dr Saotome's surgery and timidly knocked on the door upon arrival. No answer, so I opened. Yep he was there and oh so beautiful, as always. I went in and closed the door behind me, my fingers fumbling with the knob.

He smelt so good…fresh, like mountains and evergreens. A little bit of musk, reminding me of sunset. I smiled at him brightly.

"HI Dr Saotome, how are you today?" Whoops, forgot about playing it cool. Ah, never mind.

He was staring at me with those piercing amber eyes. I felt flustered. My reaction? Nonsensical chatter.

"Yes, I've had a rather speedy recovery, don't you think? The bandages are kind of annoying but its all part of the process I suppose, and the stitches are getting a little itchy but that's why I'm here isn't it? I was just thinking back in the waiting room how wonderful this hospital would look with a bit of colour, not too much mind you, I know some patients can get ill with just a glance, but I thought of using the same gamma of shades already used here to create something new and pretty…" I trailed off biting my lip to stop the flow of words. He hadn't moved from his position and continued observing me as if I were some specimen.

"You may undress behind the screen." He said simply, and glanced down at her medical file. Oh yeah, he was ice-cold. I got up and went behind the screen, removing my clothes and feeling slightly awkward, knowing I was naked in the same room as him. I put on the hospital gown that hung on a hook behind me and shyly stepped out. He was preparing his surgical implements and adjusting the reclining bed. He waited for me to lie down and he snapped his gloves on. This guy was so business like with everything! He opened my gown at the chest, revealing the bandages. With little steel scissors he swiftly cut through them, baring my breasts. My cheeks burned with shame, and I closed my eyes, trying to think of bunnies and kittens and happy happy things.

I felt a sharp tweak and me eyes shot open. One by one he was snipping at each of the stitches and pulling them out, quickly so that the pain would be minimal. My eyes still watered though, as a natural reaction and I bit my lip to stop myself from crying out. He took a swab of cotton soaked in…something, and dabbed at my breast to absorb the little drops of blood that had no doubt gathered there. I heard the final clink of the instruments and the sound of latex gloves being removed. I looked down and saw my poor sore breast, swollen and slightly reddened, but otherwise ok. I covered myself quickly. Dr Saotome was already standing at his desk, leaving through papers in my medical file. I went behind the screen to get changed, more carefully now that my breasts were free from the bandages.

When I was ready, I went over to the desk, where Dr Saotome now sat and gave him a smile, despite my embarrassment, nerves and all sorts of annoying feelings going through me at that moment. My spirits were a little dampened at the thought of leaving this gorgeous hunk of a man, but there was no choice. The least I could do was thank him and then leave him finally alone. I was sure he was tired of my pestering!

His eyes flickered upwards and met mine. I felt a hot swooping sensation in my very insides, my heart pounded in my chest so strongly I was afraid he would hear it. My God! Those eyes! They were beautiful eyes. Lined with long dark lashes that gave him an almost feminine look, but that was contrasted by the masculine mold of his jaw. He was so gracefully put together, I felt like an inferior being just sitting in his presence.

"If you have any strange pains or hardness you are to return here immediately." He said, voice deep and businesslike. I jumped out of my reverie and nodded vigorously like an idiot. Dr Saotome closed the file and gazed at me expectantly with those cool amber orbs.

Ah yes! Time to leave, silly me. I clumsily got to my feet and thanked him nervously, wondering if I should offer him my hand for him to shake but thought better of it. I felt his eyes on me as I approached the door on my way out. Come on Rin, say something witty, this is your last chance! Do it Rin, do it! I turned to face him, eyes full of purpose.

"Hey, would you like to have coffee this Sunday?" I burst out. What! No, Rin! That wasn't the idea! Bad! Bad!

His expression remained the same, but I noticed his gaze grow considerably cooler. I should have said it was a mistake, I should have just apologized and bailed out of there but I didn't. I stayed and waited for his answer. He was taking a while though.

"It's just as thanks for…you know, everything." I added, trying to hide the tremor in my voice. Why couldn't I be normal around him?

He leant forward in his chair, placing his elbows on the desk and his chin upon his interlaced fingers. There he goes, studying me again.

"I'm a busy man."

Boy, what a way to say no. I knew it was coming anyway. I smiled and shrugged, telling myself to get out of there quick. I turned to leave but his voice stopped me.

"I can only spare half an hour. So I expect you to be punctual. Eleven o'clock." He said, in his deep monotone. And he promptly ignored me, gathering the files on his desk and beginning to organize them. He was calling the shots even though it was my invitation, but I can't begin to describe the joy I felt and the triumph with which my heart was beating. I grinned from ear to ear and exited the surgery. I managed to calmly walk to the end of the corridor until I couldn't hold it in any longer and I did my little happy dance. This consists of a series of mini jumps and serious fist pumps. I couldn't believe it! Dr Saotome had accepted my invitation! Oh Lordie! Oh yay!

So now what? I was going to meet him for coffee on Sunday…and what the hell was I going to say? Damn, I hadn't thought that far. I was going to have to wing it. I also sternly told myself that this would be strictly a doctor-patient, appreciation…thing. But I still couldn't help feeling giddy like a fangirl meeting her favourite celebrity. I reminded myself that he was going to be a married man, but at this point it didn't matter all that much.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi**

Sesshoumaru prepared himself for his next patient, taking out her files and leafing through them. Middle aged woman, hard lump in right breast. Hm, she was the same age as his mother when she had died. From breast cancer no less. He clenched his jaw, forcing the memory out of his mind. He'd not thought of his mother since her untimely death, and he wasn't about to start now. He had more important things going on, with the living. A whiff of his last patient made him pause with what he was doing. Lavender.

Against his will he thought of her. Of the Ayase girl. With her long hair loose she looked fresher, younger, more natural and approachable. Attractive. He frowned at this. Yes, attractive, why ever not? He was a man after all.

And that lavender fragrance, it smelt of childhood and of innocent times which he thought had disappeared long ago from memory.

"Hmph. What foolishness." He said, scolding himself. He had no time for stupidity. He had already given into that by accepting her proposal. Whatever could he have been thinking? Coffee…pfffft. He didn't have to meet with her, he was a busy doctor and he had a 'relationship'. He couldn't care less about this girl or her feelings.

So why did he accept her invitation?

He couldn't even answer his own question. He was already thinking up an excuse for Risa in order to leave the house on Sunday. Normally he wouldn't have bothered, but Risa was being exceedingly irritating lately, always asking when he was available, probing him about where he meant, as if they were already husband and wife. He coldly planned on rough lovemaking for Saturday night so she wouldn't have any complaints for the next day. He felt disgusted at the thought, since this had never been his way. But his curiosity for the girl was driving him to do it.

Sunday…just a few days away.

Yes, for all those reviewers screaming 'whyyyyyyyyyyyyy must you leave it there?' or 'noooooo another million months till the next update!' or 'get Rin and Sesshy together NAO!'…be patient, I'm writing the next chapter as you read this. The slow progress these two are making is absolutely necessary!


	8. Chapter 8

Yes, I'm back…surprised to see me? Normally I take 6 months to a year to update, but I'm trying hard to keep this story going. I've planned it almost all the way to the end and I don't really feel like wasting all that effort! Here's the next chapter…And yes, things will be speeding up between our favourite pair.

**A Date**

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Sunday had arrived. And suffice to say I was nervously excited, knowing I shouldn't be. A friendship is what I wanted to pursue with Dr Saotome, because at least I'd be able to see him regularly…enough. Also, who knows all the advantages that can bring being friends with a surgeon? The possibilities were endless, besides, thinking in this way made me feel a lot better about meeting with him. It felt more….legal. If you understand what I mean.

Being the silly girl that I am, I was ready at ten o'clock, leaving me with approximately one hour to make the five minute walk to the café. I'm brilliant I am. I sat on my sofa twiddling my thumbs and wondering what I could do in that time. No books, right now my attention was focused solely on the clock. Games? Yeah, ok. I picked up my phone and fiddled with it for a while, forever glancing at the time. Tick Tock, Tick Tock.

Ten fifty! Time to go.

I made it to Nee-Chan's with four minutes to spare and I picked my usual table by the window. I told the waitress I was expecting someone and I sat back to wait, lifting my wrist for a look at my watch. A sudden frantic thought whizzed through my mind. Would he come? He _was_ a busy man after all…

At eleven o'clock _sharp_ he was here. He breezed through the door, and his cold clear eyes swept the place before landing on me. His expression indicated no recognition…or anything for that matter, but he came over to my table with that sensual stride of his. He was wearing a blue v-neck sweater and black trousers, shoes black and sparkling. I couldn't help glancing down at the sleek leather belt he wore, that accentuated the masculine sway of his hips and made his walk even sexier. But wait Rin! It's a friendship you're after, and you're lucky he even accepted this little invitation.

He sat down opposite me, eyes boring into mine. I caught a whiff of his cologne and it almost sent me into a daydream, of those kinds filled with fresh landscapes and setting suns. I smiled at him meekly.

"Hi Dr Saotome, glad you could make it."

"Sesshoumaru."

Huh? Sudden flashback to the nightclub, him asking me (in his special way) to call him Sesshoumaru outside of the hospital. Oh, Right.

"Yes…Sesshoumaru." I fought against the slowly creeping blush. "What would you like?"

"Espresso." Those eyes, were they ever warm?

"Um, anything else? I recommend the lemon cheesecake, it's so good! Well, since you don't seem like the blackforest gateau type. Oh! How about cinnamon buns?" I exclaimed, trying to be my normal, talkative self.

He merely stared at me. Was he bored? He certainly looked like it. I wasn't counting on him being so unreceptive. I timidly cleared my throat and called for the waitress. I told her my usual order and his. I sat back, placing my hands on my lap and smiled at the man before me. He was so quiet! It was unnerving, as was the way he stared at me. Always analytical it seemed.

"So…" I started, "How long have you been in medicine?"

"Long enough."

Real conversation starter, wasn't he? Come on Rin, think! "Your fiancé, is she a doctor too?" Risky questions Rin, risky questions.

"Yes."

Man, this guy was tough to please. It was like picking at a block of ice…with a fingernail.

I was determined not to let silence take over. "I take it you don't care for desserts? Well, with you only ordering espresso and all, I've never been that hardcore myself."

"I dislike anything sweet."

"You don't? Why?" I asked, genuinely surprised, my eyes widening. How can anyone dislike sweetness? I couldn't survive two minutes without a bit of chocolate! He was just about to reply when our order arrived. Yum yum, gateau!

He calmly sipped at his espresso while I madly attacked my piece of cake. I didn't really care at that moment what he thought of me, I was just intent on filling my belly with the rich dessert. I glanced up at him after my fifth forkful, and paused in my crazed chewing. He had his small coffee cup poised at short distance from his mouth and he was watching me with….amusement?

But as soon as I thought it, the look disappeared and he resumed his sipping. I was all set to forget about it and once more stab at my slice of cake when he spoke.

"What is your interest in me?" He asked with that deep, rich voice. I almost choked.

"Interest?" I gasped, blindly reaching for my latte and taking a large gulp. Damn it Rin, you've been caught! "No interest! I just wanted to thank you, that's all. Besides, I can't help being naturally friendly." I grinned. Nice save.

"The wine was an insufficient gift I take it."

Crap, I'd forgotten I'd already thanked him. Time to come out with the truth. Plus, I was tired of acting like a complete ninny around him and always making up excuses.

"Look, Sesshoumaru…" his eyebrows rose at the sound of my firm tone. "I like you, you're a great doctor and you've helped me with my health issue, probably even saved my life. Ok so you're not the cosiest, most outspoken guy I know, and I can tell you're analyzing me right now, which is unnerving but I don't mind that much. I don't think any harm would come to us being friends. " Shock horror! Curse my tongue.

"Friends." He repeated, piercing me with his intense gaze. It was impossible to gauge his reaction.

Ok Rin…now what?

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIi **

There was definitely something about this girl…something that he was overlooking. Why else would he feel so curious?

Friends. Friends with a chattering female with an overly cheerful disposition? Not his type of choice. It would have been easy for him to reject her, but something held him back. Was it those large, warm eyes? That rosebud mouth that was never still? That petit frame and the milky white skin? He realized that he not only found her attractive, but he also found himself attracted _to_ her. But why on earth would he be?

"Yes friends!" She exclaimed, those eyes widening. Sincere eyes. He listened to her now, explaining herself to him.

"I know I'm probably not your type of acquaintance…" something jolted inside him. She'd guessed his thoughts. She continued, "But you can never have enough friends…anyway you'll probably get bored with all your stuffy old doctor buddies, I can't imagine you lot having any fun."

Sesshoumaru's lip quirked. "Oh, I expect you believe you can persuade me into a more active lifestyle?" He said, sarcasm present just to provoke her.

"Exactly!" She beamed. His sarcasm had bounced right off her. With shining eyes she went on, "What must it be like to stay cooped up in that awful hospital all day? Pale walls, horrible sterile smell, cold air…you just wait till you hear my ideas on how to brighten up the place."

Sesshoumaru finished his espresso, noticing that she had abandoned the last piece of her cake and was currently gazing expectantly at him. He focused on her smooth, pale face. Eyes so full of candor. He decided to amuse her. After all, it had been a while since he had conversed with anyone so animated. In fact, he'd _never_ conversed with someone this animated. Risa's words were often as cool and as to the point as his.

"Explain those ideas."

Her smile was so brilliant and her teeth so perfect that he frowned from the consternation it brought him. He shouldn't be feeling anything at all, but he was.

"Right, for the reception area I thought up a sort of mural to lead up to the waiting rooms that would ultimately be an underwater fantasy world. The mural in the reception area would be made up of smaller sea creatures, coral and the like, but no waves or anything because it might make patients seasick! Ok, so for the main waiting area you have the bigger creatures like dolphins and mermaids…even the odd scuba diver or two…"

As he listened to her go on and on he felt his initial resistance wear down. This girl with perfect breasts was proving interesting to him for something other than her breasts. She was proving interesting to him precisely because he was his complete opposite and therefore unpredictable, spontaneous…a welcome change. She didn't care that he hardly spoke back, she could talk enough for the two of them. How unlike Risa, who would nag and fret whenever he offered her his cold one-word replies. He recalled the previous night and his rough lovemaking to her. He was right as always, Risa was too satisfied to interrogate him about his outing. She could handle his coldness then. But no matter how icy he became with this girl, she would remain unfazed, and plough on.

"…pediatrics would have more fantastical creatures like unicorns and dragons but nice cute ones so as not to scare the little children. Oh! And perhaps for geriatrics a sort of 'memory mural' with all sorts of objects from the past like jukeboxes and old fashioned-"

"Have dinner with me."

Silence. His sudden proposal had surprised them both. The girl's eyes were large and questioning. She swallowed.

"Dinner?"

He was compelled to remain silent and simply stare at her. The damage was already done and confirming or denying the invitation was an excessive action for him.

"Well…I…" She was lost for words it seemed, shockingly enough as it was.

"I shall collect you at seven o'clock sharp, Friday." His voice was cool and smooth, as if it were a business appointment. She nodded, still a little dazed as she reached in her handbag for a pen and paper to scribble down her address. No phone number included, he noticed. He received the slip of paper and pocketed it, swiftly and purposefully glancing at his watch. His half hour was up. He stood and left without a word, striding out of the café the same way he had come in.

_To hell with Risa_. He could make up another excuse for her.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi**

"Sesshoumaru, I'm leaving town for three days. It's absolutely essential for my career, this seminar. I make for Kyoto on Thursday evening." Said Risa, over the phone. Sesshoumaru sat back in his desk chair and eyed the wine bottle that still sat unopened, in a corner of his surgery. So, an excuse wouldn't be necessary this time. He didn't believe in luck, he was too calculating for that, but it was a peculiar thing that Risa should leave Tokyo around the time of his dinner invitation with the Ayase girl. He brushed the thought aside.

"Mmh. Should I be alarmed or interested in your going?" He asked coldly. RIsa gave a little dry laugh.

"Sesshoumaru, you and your endearing displays of affection." She said, scorn present in her tone.

Sesshoumaru rang off and put his cell phone back in his pocket. If she hadn't been such a willing bed partner, or so indispensable in order for him to get her father's position, he would have left her long ago. He wanted the job, he was sick of being just the surgeon. He knew very well the chief of medicine's own reason for choosing him. And it wasn't exactly or exclusively because of his expert hands or surgical experience. The chief was a greedy man, as was his daughter for other things.

What with Sesshoumaru's father having been a corporate magnate and all. With his death, he had left an entire financial empire standing upon solid foundations and a legacy of billions too grand for anyone's imagination. Sesshoumaru had stopped being part of that world when his father had handed everything over to his youngest son, Inuyasha. A bastard without scruples. Sesshoumaru had flown into a rage once he learnt of the decision. A whole empire at the hands of a brat whose mother had come from an obscure background. Despite having been offered some control of the corporation, Sesshoumaru had refused and walked away from it all, pursuing his deceased mother's career instead, like she would have wanted. Running the empire had been his goal and ambition, yes...but he wouldn't beg or settle for less when it was snatched from him.

He never spoke to his father again, and ten years later he was dead. Inuyasha had been at the head of the company for a year now but was nowhere near as ruthless as his father had been in the financial world. Sesshoumaru had the gift...but his father had ignored it. And now Taisho Inc. was suffering.

Sesshoumaru received his due every month, what with being a primary shareholder. But he did nothing with his money, refusing to give his brat brother any help with raising the company back up to its grand position.

And the chief of medicine knew that Sesshoumaru was the son of the industrialist that had made billions from virtually nothing. And it was clear that he wanted Sesshoumaru to take over as chief of medicine, since it would be the fastest and easiest way to guarantee the hospital's finance. Or more importantly, the fastest and easiest way to fully retire with a fantastic pension.

Despite having abandoned the company for over ten years, Sesshoumaru still kept tabs on everything, like a second nature. He had grown up surrounded by stocks, big money and big investments, to him running a company this large was as easy as blinking. But he would never make a move to assist his half-brother in any way. His father had chosen, and it had been the biggest mistake of his life.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiI**

"Yoohoo! Rin! Are you in there?"

I jumped out of my daydream and spotted Reika and Yue in front of me struggling to keep straight faces. I grinned sheepishly and picked up my pen to continue scribbling notes.

"Well, well, well..." smiled Reika, her short black hair looking splendid in the afternoon rays that spilled in through the office windows. "Looks like our Rin _did_ hook up with that guy from resources."

Yue clapped excitedly, "Oh my God Rin! Tell us _everything._" Yue always reminded me of a bunny, with her little button nose and slightly overlarge front teeth, that did nothing to spoil her lovely smile. I giggled.

"What guy from resources? I never went out with him!"

Reika gasped. "Then...it's someone else?"

I laughed. "Why on earth would you think that? What's going on girls, hm?"

Yue quickly sat down on the spare chair at my desk. Reika just gave me a knowing look. "Rin, you had such an idiotic smile on your face just now...you were _definitely_ thinking about someone."

Dang it, foiled! But it was true...I had lost myself in my imaginings of the dinner I would be sharing in just five days. I blushed, knowing I shouldn't be feeling so excited about it. I looked up and found Yue and Reika smiling triumphantly.

"There! See?" Reika said.

"Ok, ok you caught me...It is someone else. BUT! We just want to be friends."

Their genuine disappointment was so endearing. "But _why?_" cried Yue. I couldn't help giggling.

"Because that's the way it is. Any way he has a fiancé. A beautiful fiancé." I added. Both girls sighed.

"I don't mind just being friends with him, he's an interesting guy. You know what? He's my surgeon, the one that took the lump out of my breast." I explained.

"Ohhhh." Said Yue thoughtfully.

"That's just like you Rin, trying to see the best in everything. We're never going to see you settle down with a nice boy are we?" Reika chuckled.

"Ha! That's rich! Neither of you are even close to that with all your boyfriends and nightclubs!" I exclaimed, throwing pieces of paper at them playfully. The three of us fell about laughing.

"Ok Rin, we'll leave you to finish your project. How's it going anyway?" Asked Yue.

"Oh fantastic! I've just shown the client some mock-ups of the restaurant's interiors and they love the stuff." I said, beaming with pride.

"Cool! Ok, see you later RIn!"

"Laters!" I called, and got back to my notes, making myself look busy.

No sooner had Reika and Yue gone out of sight, I put down my pen and continued with my daydream. What could possibly have come over Dr Sao...Sesshoumaru, when he asked me to dinner? He shocked the words right back inside me, I can tell you.

I was feeling deliciously giddy at the thought of an elegant night out with him, but alas, those thoughts would remain only in my head. He seemed as perturbed as I was when he let out that sentence. I never considered him as a particularly impulsive man, but then I hardly knew him at all. Friday night would be perfect to learn a few things about him and his life, that is, if he decided to speak more than last time. I remember leaving the café in a daze, still processing the entire scene.

Well, it was clear that he accepted my wanting to be friends with him, and that was probably what the whole dinner thing was about. Would he mention it to his fiancé? Would he say he would be dining with a...friend? I didn't know. What I _did_ know was that I couldn't look deeper into this. It was painfully obvious that I annoyed him at some point and I was certainly not the woman of his dreams. He was getting married to her already. But I knew I had to stick to the plan of staying friends, it would make me feel so much better.

A sudden realization struck me. What was I going to wear!

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi**

The day after Risa's departure Sesshoumaru finally had the apartment to himself. It was decorated in the minimalist tendency that was popular for those with large bank accounts. The more money you had, the less furniture was littered about in your home. The place was all blacks, greys and stylish steels, suiting Sesshoumaru perfectly. It had been his apartment before Risa had forced herself in. He sat on a leather backed armchair and stared out the windows that reached from floor to ceiling and offered a spectacular view of the city of Tokyo. He sipped at a whiskey. After watching the sunset against the mountains he got up, his watch telling him it was almost six in the evening.

Tomorrow he had an early surgery, so dinner would have to be quick. Top shape was necessary when wielding a scalpel. He went to his white tiled bathroom and undressed, stepping into the glass shower stall. He held himself under the jet of hot water, and ran his hands through his long silver hair.

He had the body of a god, lean yet muscular and perfectly molded with the sharp masculine contours characteristic of his gender. He lathered himself with soap, rinsing the suds off with smooth movements of his hands. Leaning forward he placed both hands on the wall in front of him to let the water wash over his broad back. He turned off the water and began to dry himself using a soft dark blue towel.

He entered his now empty room, and removed the towel, searching his wardrobes in the nude. Droplets of water ran down his body, catching the light of the illuminated city outside and giving him a divine-like sheen. He paused before his wardrobes. Why take so much time selecting an outfit for a simple, insignificant dinner? He hadn't done that in a very long time. The girl was certainly no one to impress or anyone distinctly worth the effort. He always dressed well, that was true, but then all of his clothes were of the finest tailoring, so no matter what he wore, he looked good. He finally plucked out a pearl grey silk shirt and black trousers. Conservative yet fashionable.

He dressed and made his way to the bathroom to put on some aftershave. As he did this he continued to feel he was making too much of an effort for this night. A forgettable night, no doubt. Seeing he had half an hour to drive to the girl's place he left, picking up his jacket and car keys on the way out.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi**

Oh, the dreaded sound of the doorbell! And I was only half ready!

"Hold on!" I cried, hopping around my apartment trying to put my pearl-drop earrings and shoes on at the same time, while spraying myself with perfume, hoping I hadn't overdone it. I dashed to the living room, grabbed my purse and took one last glance at the mirror. I'd spent aaaaages on my hair, doing it up in a semi-sophisticated bun, leaving loose tendrils around my face to soften the severity of the hairdo. I could almost hear Sesshoumaru's impatience, so I quickly added a bit of cherry-flavoured lip gloss and clattered to the front door. Damn silly heels! I took a deep breath and put on the sweet smile I'd practised all day to perfect and opened the door.

I found myself staring at a wonderfully solid back and broad shoulders. Sesshoumaru was staring out across the balcony towards the night sky, which was a deep, rich violet, dotted with stars. Hearing the door open he elegantly swivelled round to face me. My heart fluttered and my stomach swooped almost at the same time, seeing him so gorgeously dressed. Oh, and that fragrance! I was swooning! I struggled to meet his gaze and stay as cool as possible...but he met my gaze later, he was too busy scrutinising my outfit. I didn't know whether to blush or hit him! A doctor's analysis, that's what it looked like. God, he looked divine...and this dinner was going to be tough.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi**

The girl opened the door and the first thing he noticed about her was that lavender fragrance. The smell of childhood and innocence. When he turned to her, fully prepared to admonish her for her tardiness he was unable to pronounce a word. She was no great beauty, of course...he was merely surprised at the change. She wore a midnight blue dress with the soft material pooling a little at the front to reveal just the right amount of cleavage. Those perfect breasts again... The dress was at knee length and tied at the neck leaving it practically backless, something he discovered when she got into his car before him.

She looked like a woman tonight, not the girl he had met previously who would not cease her chatter for a moment. She seemed quite meek now, and he sensed a change, his mind sending him warning signals, but he ignored them. He possessed great control. He got behind the wheel of his Porsche and began to drive to the restaurant he had picked. The Ayase girl was silent for the first five minutes before finally finding her voice.

"So, am I allowed to know where you're taking me?"

Sesshoumaru remained concentrated on the road, his face illuminated by flickers from the street lamps along the way. The girl refused to desist.

"Ohhh it's a surprise, huh? Hmmm, well I've never really been taken out to restaurants so I can't really guess where."

It was strange how she avoided the subject of their peculiar relationship, but Sesshoumaru knew that it was better this way, in order to not give it too much importance. After all, it was only one dinner and she wasn't exactly going to be something constant in his life...

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi**

Despite chatting Sesshoumaru's ear off in the car (and WHAT A CAR, so typical!), he was still tolerating me in the most gracious manner...well I assumed so because he wasn't exactly an easy guy to figure out, or the most expressive man out there. When we pulled up he didn't bother opening the door for me, but that was alright, I wasn't his date or anything...Though it would have been nice! He led the way, tossing his keys to a valet that stood on the pavement and continuing on towards the restaurant he had chosen.

Ohmygosh it was so _fancy_! I squealed inside my head with excitement. Wow, even the name sounded posh and poetic, _Silver Spoon._ Sesshoumaru had to be loaded if he was taking little me to dine in such a place. Far from appearing horribly traditional and 'old money' like, it was spectacularly designed to fit the modern rich man or woman. The outside had columns made up of thin twisting steel poles that gave it a wonderful flowing look and the inside was just...wow. The chandeliers above were nothing like I expected, constructed with the same steely design of the columns but the intertwining bars were more intricate and dotted with little bulbs, forming a sort of metallic and incandescent flower suspended in the air. The carpet was a rich blackberry colour and the tables placed strategically around were marvellously set with gleaming wineglasses and highly polished silverware.

And here I was, thinking I'd overdressed!

A/N: Ooooooooh next chappie is going to be exciting!


	9. Chapter 9

Hello everyone! I hope you had a good Christmas! Slowly but surely we've seen Rin and Sesshoumaru's 'relationship' develop but what will happen now that they finally have a chance to get to know each other? Bliss or caos?

Sorry for taking so long but...you know me! I'd rather take a while to feel inspired and write, than just scribble down the first thing that comes into my head only to get a chapter up. Anyway, enjoy!

**A Change**

I sat down opposite Sesshoumaru and discreetly stared at him as he swiftly and elegantly took his place at the elaborately set table. His whole body moved with such masculine grace that my heart's pace quickened and I was forced to look elsewhere fast before giving myself away. God, what a gorgeous man!

He must have been well known here, because with just a slight inclination of his head, a waiter rushed forward breathlessly to hand us a pair of wonderfully designed menus. I started taking mental notes for the restaurant I was helping to set up for a client.

Most of the dishes had peculiar names so after much thought I chose the safest looking one. "I'll have the beef bourguignon please." I smiled, handing the waiter my menu. The man nodded and turned to Sesshoumaru "and for you sir?"

I loved the way he looked at that moment, fingers to his lips and gazing coolly at the menu. He lifted his eyes and abruptly caught me staring, but instead of looking away I stood my ground, giving him a little grin. He then ordered a seafood dish with an awfully extravagant name that I can't now recall, along with a wine that sounded very expensive. I wondered if he dined here everyday...I mean, never in my entire life had I entered such a prestigious a restaurant. But instead of thinking how blessed I was to have been showered with such luxury by Sesshoumaru, I felt that being here was such a normal occurrence for him that it was like...taking me to a Mcdonald's or something like that.

I suddenly felt his eyes on me and I felt myself grow warm. I cleared my throat, determined to make small talk...or big talk, since I'm me after all.

"I've never been in a place like this, you know."

"I observed as much." He replied, his gaze unwavering and boring into me. His posture was very much like the one I saw the first day I met him at his surgery. Elbows propped, hands interlaced and mouth subtly placed upon them. I couldn't help feeling like a patient under his scrutinizing stare.

"Yes well, I can see you're used to this, I mean I've been wandering around with my mouth opening and closing like a goldfish looking at all this luxury and you just strode in here as though you came in for a cup of coffee."

"Hmph, this place holds little meaning to me."

Oh. Well, that made me feel less than special I can tell you. Alright, time to bring out the big guns!

"So," I began, leaning forward curiously, "What made you choose doctoring?"

The waiter arrived with the wine at that moment and was pouring the chilled liquid into our glasses. Sesshoumaru took a sip of his. I assumed he wouldn't answer my question but I was pleasantly surprised.

"My mother was a surgeon."

"Really? Does she work at the General Hospital?"

"She's dead."

"Oh." Damn, shouldn't have asked that. Silly, silly Rin!

"I lost my mother too. And my father. And my brother. But that was a long time ago." I said, trying to lessen the pain I still felt by smiling. His face was carefully expressionless and he merely gazed at me. Was he bored? God, it was impossible to know!

"Do you have any siblings?" I asked. His eyes darkened.

"I do not wish to speak of that."

Okay, that meant he had a sibling. And obviously some serious family problems. I dropped the subject immediately and tried to think of something neutral.

"What's your favourite colour?"

That surprised him, I can tell you. Well...as surprised as Sesshoumaru can get. He elegantly raised an eyebrow and paused before answering, as though calculating whether it was worth it giving me a reply.

"Blue."

I smiled.

Our meal arrived and a brief silence fell over us as we ate. I had never tasted something so delicious in my life! Totally beats shrimp ramen. I savoured each bite, knowing it could very well be my last. I put my fork down and tried to start another conversation.

"Have you always lived in Tokyo?"

A pause as he sipped his wine in one elegant movement. "Yes, as I assume you have."

"Yep, correct. And have you ever travelled elsewhere?"

"Wherever my work requires it."

"Seminars?"

Silence...that must mean an affirmative answer. Hm, I think I was getting the hang of his 'conversational skills'!

"You must earn a lot as a surgeon to afford these luxuries...the restaurant and your car, I mean." Oh noo! Did I just sound like a gold digger? Did I? I fought down a blush and concentrated on my meal.

"I can afford these 'luxuries'. But not as a surgeon." Came his deep baritone. I glanced up, relieved that he hadn't taken my question the wrong way.

"Oh, is there something else you do besides being a surgeon?" I asked.

He sat back and stared into my eyes. "Investments." He said in a final tone, giving me the idea that he didn't want to discuss the matter any further. This was getting exasperating! What _could_ I talk about with this man?

We finished our dinner and ordered dessert. Well I did anyway. Sesshoumaru just had a brandy. When my dessert arrived (a delicious strawberry tart topped with whipped cream), I picked up a nice juicy strawberry with my fork and licked the syrup from it before popping it into my mouth. His eyes were on me, I knew, and I was feeling a little bit tingly.

"What is your ambition?"

His question took me by surprise, principally because he had spoken first. I swallowed what I was chewing.

"Well, I'd love to have my own advertising agency for a start. Don't get me wrong, I adore my job, but sometimes you just wish you could be your own boss and not have to constantly answer to someone."

"The pressures of management are far greater than those of an employee."

"Yes... I know that" I said slowly, "but I feel I can handle the pressures of management better than being a simple employee. At least I can make my own decisions and not submit to those of others whether I like them or not. I personally feel I have so much more potential and that staying in my current position is slowly draining me of it." I finished, scooping up the last blob of cream from my plate.

Sesshoumaru was staring at me in such a peculiar way that I immediately changed the subject.

"What did you have in mind for the future?"

His gaze grew cooler and he released a breath though his nose.

"I want to make something perfectly clear. I find you…interesting, but not enough to pursue anything else than a mere acquaintance."

I just stared at him.

"You may have observed that I'm a busy man. I have no time for foolishness. No time to participate in…a young woman's daydream." He finished, taking a sip of his brandy.

I swallowed, my mind racing, trying to take in his cold words and finding something good to draw from them. I found nothing.

"I see." I said quietly, staring at my hands. I sighed. I was defeated now, all excuses exhausted and all joy diminished by his statement. I was surprised that he was capable of saying that to me, and I was surprised that his interest in me was so low as to want to wave everything off as a 'mere acquaintance'.

Despite wanting to fling myself into any dark corner and sob my eyes out, I smiled. Why, you ask? Because there was nothing else I _could_ do, and I definitely wasn't going to weep in front of this hunk of a man like some weak damsel.

"A young woman's daydream…' I whispered, my sad smile widening. I felt his intense gaze on me, inquisitive. I gave a small laugh and looked up at him.

"You have nothing to fear about a 'young woman's daydream'…I know you think you're super handsome and can make the ladies fawn over you with just a glance, but I think your ego's gotten the best of you this time!" I laughed, "I seriously want to get to know you better…I truly had nothing else in mind." I smiled. Okay the last part of my sentence may have been a teensy bit untruthful but I would have to be mad to admit all of my daydreams and romantic imaginings!

He raised an eyebrow but the rest of his expression was unfathomable, so I felt compelled to continue.

"But…if you _really_ want to stop all of this…'foolishness', then it really doesn't matter to me." Ouch, talk about stabbing yourself in the back! I controlled my turbulent feelings and went on, "I don't mind in the least. Actually, it's best if we get on with our lives and think of this as a pleasant, temporary distraction that won't repeat itself in the future." I felt a lump form at the base of my throat but I ignored it. Rin doesn't take rejection very well it seems. I couldn't bear letting this beautiful man out of my grasp! I mean, would you?

"Hmph." He said, downing the rest of his brandy in one gulp. I sighed. I knew I had to make things right before leaving , at least to convert this into a fond memory rather than a bitter one. Being the impulsive girl that I am, I reached out to gently touch his hand, which was resting upon the table. I felt him stiffen.

"Sesshoumaru, at least let me thank you for the dinner. It's been a pleasure… for me, at any rate." I said warmly, and with genuine sincerity. Looking into his cool amber eyes I saw nothing. He slowly pulled his hand out from under mine and with it, gestured for the waiter.

"It's time to leave." He said, his deep voice impersonal. I nodded, feeling a little bit sorry for myself for not having caused the least bit of an impression on him.

We left that marvellous restaurant and I glanced back at it, trying to burn the image into my mind, for it was quite obvious I would never go back there again. Oh how I would miss it! We waited for the valets to bring Sesshoumaru's car (another thing I would miss) and we got in. This drive was going to be very, very awkward.

**iIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiI**

On the outside, Sesshoumaru was the image of cool control. On the inside he was seething. No matter how much he forced himself to put a distance between him and that girl, his attempts proved futile. He didn't dare give her a glance, he preferred to leave things as they were.

His purpose for telling her what he thought of her foolish endeavours, was to put an end to her pursuits of 'friendship' and make her upset enough to want to leave him alone. But it had done the opposite. Her reaction had reeled him in _further!_ His interest in her had now reached a higher level, and he was furious at himself for letting it happen. And he was furious at himself for letting her touch affect him, because it had and he had not expected it to.

He forced his thoughts into a corner and took a hold of his emotions as he had done on so many occasions. She was nothing to lose control over.

The Ayase girl sat there in silence, hands folded over her lap. Her silence was unbecoming to her, a natural chatterbox. Now that his thoughts were in check, he could analyze her properly. What did she have that attracted him so? What had he overlooked? It wasn't her appearance, he was sure of that, since she was no great beauty, nor did she have the perfect figure. Risa was a far more attractive woman, yet he felt nothing for her.

As he reached a stop light, he let his eyes roam over her, like a scholar would scrutinize a work of art. He knew the size and shape of her breasts by memory, but he didn't recall the rest of her body being so firm and shapely. Her hair looked as though it would be soft to the touch, her eyes large and sincere, and her lips were…

He shifted the gears and started off again as the light turned green, focusing on the road with more force than usual.

_Hmph. What nonsense._

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi**

I was _so_ disappointed. Serves me right though, for imagining things that could never happen. I had honestly thought that Sesshoumaru had wanted, or at least agreed to a friendship, but after recalling my actions in the past month it was obvious that it had been just me all along. _I_ had forced him to be friends with me, _I_ had bugged him and bothered him and tried to make him take an interest in me for who I was. He had been absolutely right, I _had_ been making him a participant of a young woman's daydream...of mine. It was so immature of me!

And I was glad he had been so blunt about it. It was the only way I would understand. He was going to get married and have beautiful children and live happily ever after while I was going to die alone surrounded by hundreds of cats. That's the way life went, wasn't it? Sigh.

I resolved to leave him alone from this moment on. I had no business meddling in his life anyway, we were completely different people from completely different worlds. I didn't deserve a beautiful man like him, and he _certainly_ deserved someone better than me.

Sesshoumaru pulled up at my apartment building. I got out in silence and even though he didn't say anything he accompanied me to my door. From any other man I would have seen it as a sweet gesture but from him it was probably common courtesy. The balcony was dark and I had a hard time fitting my key into the lock, but after a few minutes I succeeded.

I swiftly turned to thank him for the 'eventful' evening but I hadn't realized how close he was and found myself inches from his face, my nose almost touching his.

We were so near that I could feel his warm breath and the intensity of his gaze. His eyes were dark and smouldering, piercing my entire soul and making me feel warmer and warmer with each passing second. He slowly raised his left hand and placed it on the doorframe, inches from my head, his whole body a solid barrier from which I couldn't escape. My gaze unconsciously dropped to his lips, bold and sensual and so close to mine. Having him this near was wreaking havoc on my body and mind, and his masculine fragrance was further fogging my thoughts in a delicious way.

Why was he _staring_ at me like that? Was he going to kiss me? As soon as the thought crossed my mind he took a step back, the hand placed by my head dropping to his side. He walked away without saying a word.

I. Was. In. Shock. My heart was pounding like a drum and my breath was let out in a short spurt as I realized I had been holding it the entire time.

**iIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiI**

Sesshoumaru got into his car and drove away from that place. He thought of the surgery he had to perform early the next morning, anything to push the image of the Ayase girl out of his mind. Against his will her face materialized like a vision, looking so fresh and innocent and...untouched. He smirked, refusing to consider those reasons as the cause of his attraction to her. Yes, she was very different from him, impulsive, noisy, cheerful and unpredictable and perhaps his subconscious had grown tired of the constant monotony of his life, which was why it had latched itself upon her. Almost forcing him to be seduced. And he very nearly succumbed.

Sesshoumaru scowled. He was a man of control, yet standing so close to that girl had produced a temporary fog over reason. That scent of lavender had enveloped him and triggered many childhood memories that he now refused to bring to the front of his mind. Gazing at her heart-shaped face, those huge doe-brown eyes laced with long sooty lashes, her full rosy lips that begged to be...

To be what? Kissed? Sesshoumaru snorted in his well-bred fashion. He had been far from that.

He had wanted to have a good look at what he was doing, and at who he was dealing with. It was enough to confirm that he wanted no part in it whatsoever. She was nothing to him, simply a waste of his time…a distraction. He needed none of those, he had his future carefully and conveniently planned, and it included Risa as his wife. Any distraction would jeopardize his calculations and he had no intention of delving into foolish affairs.

But he couldn't ignore how aroused his body was.

**iIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiI**

I was definitely confused. One minute this man was stating that he wanted nothing more to do with me, and then…this happens! It seemed that whenever Sesshoumaru was present, things just kept flying out of hand, be it the situation or my own treacherous emotions. I knew very well that I was walking on very dangerous ground…he was practically married! And I also knew that I wanted more than a friendship, and it was useless to keep denying this inside my head. Obviously I needed to leave him alone and give up my attempts to befriend him…I'm not even certain why I wanted to in the first place! I had just let my feelings and impulses run wild, getting me into trouble as always.

I should have just left it at the post-surgery checkup. A polite thank you and it would have been over, but noooo I had to get all silly and develop a crush on him and invite him for a coffee as 'friends'.

Stupid, stupid, stupid! I could have avoided all of this so nicely! But now…..now I was hopelessly drawn to him, like a moth to a light bulb and I was in danger of burning. His aloofness, his mystery and his damn delectableness were too much for me to push away and forget. What was it about Sesshoumaru that had made me fall so hard?

I tried not to dwell on what could have happened outside my front door, or to guess his feelings because I knew it would just confuse me more. Instead I undressed, pulled on my nightie and hopped into my nice comfy, squishy bed. Tonight, I was _not_ going to think about him. AT ALL!

**iIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiI**

The days passed in dreary monotony for Sesshoumaru. Surgery, paperwork, apartment. Risa arriving from Kyoto, wanting to make love and him refusing. He was in no mood to pleasure anyone, not even himself. It was clear to him that he was surrounded by hypocrisy and falseness and though he was loathe to admit it, the Ayase girl had been a welcome change to his repetitive days. But that matter was dead and buried.

Done for the day, he went to his apartment, and felt a subtle irritation at finding Risa there waiting for him on the sofa in a sheer negligee. He dropped his keys on the counter and pointedly ignored her, going to his room instead, closing the door. And locking it. Risa sighed heavily on the other side, coming over to knock on the door.

"Sesshoumaru, darling...you don't like my present to you?" she said, her voice muffled as it travelled through the door.

Sesshoumaru loosened the top buttons of his shirt, staring outside the windows at the night sky. He didn't reply.

"Mmmm, you just need some persuasion...open the door and let me show you how persuasive I can be."

"Risa, I'm in no mood for your games." He told her coldly. "I'm going to rest."

"In _our_ bed?"

"In _my_ bed, yes." He drawled. He heard her sigh in frustration. "Fine, I'm off to visit my father then."

Sesshoumaru smirked. She always used that as a threat but it never worked on him. A rustle of clothing told him she was getting dressed, and a loud slam of the front door meant she had no doubt left.

Sesshoumaru didn't bother getting undressed, instead he lay down on his bed and closed his eyes, falling into a deep and troubled sleep. His dreams that night were filled with faceless Risas trying to seduce him and a certain young girl with perfect breasts escaping from his grasp.

**iIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiI**

The alarm clock screamed at me, forcing me to wake up, ending my dreams that were all about...you know who. These past few days had been so meaningless and...boring. As if I'd been given an exciting present and it had been snatched away from me. The only thing that was keeping me motivated and energized was work. Even so, the early mornings were dire!

I hauled my body out of bed and dragged myself to the wardrobe to pick my outfit for the day. I chose a light blue blouse and wine coloured trousers, and placed them on the bed, kicking the heels I usually wore for work towards it.

I had a nice hot shower and felt myself perk up considerably. I was fully awake when I stepped out and felt the cool air of my room hit my steaming skin. I dressed in front of the mirror, gazing at the faint scar on the underside of my breast that was slowly fading away ever since the operation, just like my love life. Sigh.

I glanced at my watch and noticed I was still twenty minutes early, so I decided to run over to Nee-Chan's café for the Danish pastry I had an urge to gobble. I grabbed my bag, folder and keys and left my apartment.

The air outside was getting cooler and growing more humid. The rains would be coming soon and I would need to lug an umbrella everywhere. Still, I didn't mind, I loved the rain as much as I loved the sun. It gave life to all living things, even humans, and I liked the feel of the droplets on my skin.

I was at the café in five minutes and waited patiently in the queue for my turn. I stifled a yawn. At last I placed the order for my Danish pastry and was holding it in my hand less than two minutes later. I thanked the cashier and turned around to look for a table when my face made contact with a solid mass. I looked up and began to apologize when I realized who I'd bumped into. My words were caught in my throat.

Sesshoumaru was there, gazing down at me impatiently. And there I was, opening and closing my mouth like a silly fish. I struggled to pull myself together.

"Well, this certainly is a surprise!" I blurted out. Very smooth Rin, very smooth. His face held no expression or recognition whatsoever. It was like speaking to a complete stranger. I swallowed and stepped aside, letting him by so that he could place his order. Following close behind was a beautiful redhead that was no doubt his fiancé. She was so beautiful it made me ache to even look at her. I just stood there like an idiot before deciding to make myself scarce. A table was now out of the question, I simply had to get out of there and avoid a reaaaally awkward situation.

"I'll just be going now." I said unnecessarily. Sesshoumaru finished placing his order and looked back at me, narrowing his eyes. Okay, hint taken! I clattered out of there as fast as my work heels could take me and I didn't look back. Clutching my Danish pastry in one hand, folder in the other and heavy bag slung over my shoulder I kept walking towards the nearby park where I knew I could have my breakfast in peace.

Just when I thought I was finally beginning to get him out of my thoughts, he reappears! Well, thankfully his attitude was less than friendly which made me even more determined to push him from my mind. The only thing was, it still wasn't easy, not even then.

**iIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiI**

"Who was that strange girl?" Asked Risa suspiciously. Sesshoumaru received his black coffee and Risa picked up her latte.

"A patient."

"Hmmm. I hate how some people think they can just strike up a conversation with you after only meeting them once or twice." She said, disdain lacing her words.

"Indeed." He replied dryly, turning around, and oblivious to Risa, he eyed his 'patient' through the cafe windows as she hurried off towards the park. Risa sighed as she looked at her watch.

"Well darling, I know it's still early for you but I must get going. I have to check on a leukaemia patient in fifteen minutes." She didn't kiss him goodbye. They never put on public displays of affection. Sesshoumaru gave her a curt nod and let her leave the café. He sipped at his coffee, staring out the glass doors and waiting for her to walk further away.

He strode out of the café and made his way towards the park, not sure exactly why he was doing so and telling himself it would be foolish as well as a waste of time. Unfortunately at that moment he had time to spare...

It didn't take him long to find her. She was sitting on a park bench opposite the duck pond, her legs crossed beneath her body and high heels lying abandoned on the grass. She ate a pastry, occasionally tearing small pieces and feeding them to the new ducklings that gathered at the pond's edge. It was strange for him to observe her like this, without her knowledge and with her as silent as a lamb. He was about to turn away and leave but his curiosity got the better of him. After all, he had nothing else to do except follow a predictable routine. It took him a moment to get closer to her, but it wasn't because he hesitated. He never hesitated. Everything he did included a purpose, but at this point he had no idea what his purpose was...

**iIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiI**

So there I was, happily munching my Danish pastry and watching cute little duckies, when all of a sudden this great shadow loomed over me. I whipped my head to one side expecting to see a hobo about to claim his spot but what I found was completely the opposite. Sesshoumaru was standing at the side of the bench, holding a steaming coffee and staring down at me with an unreadable expression. My gulp was pretty audible.

"Hello." I said stupidly. I recovered in an instant and hastily searched around him for a glimpse of his fiancé. It was like he read my thoughts.

"She's gone." He said briskly and with a smooth movement he sat down beside me, but not without leaving a large gap between the two of us. I self-consciously lowered my legs and put my work heels back on my feet, trying not to look at him. What was he doing here?

He took a sip of his coffee. I glanced at him and noticed what he was wearing, something I hadn't paid attention to when I bumped into him at the café. Freshly pressed black trousers, shiny black shoes and a pale blue shirt. The weather was getting cooler these days and he'd remedied this with a long black coat that was light enough for the season.

"Do you always blurt out the first thing you think of to someone and then escape?"

His deep voice startled me. I flushed. "No...that just happens with you." I mumbled, staring down at my half-eaten pastry. I'd completely lost my appetite! When he said nothing I looked sideways at him. For a split second I thought I saw his mouth quirk in amusement but he swiftly lifted his coffee and blocked my view, making me think I'd imagined it.

I was feeling so _not_ me at that moment. So un-chatty and un-everything. And it was all due to his presence that so disturbed, bewildered and delighted me. If _only_ he were more responsive and more clear about his interests, intentions or whatever. Right now I didn't know if he was here out of pity, courtesy or...something else. Gah! So exasperating!

My mind flew back to the night at my front door when our faces had been so close. What had he been thinking then? What was he thinking now? My face grew hot. I took a bite out of my pastry just to distract myself.

"I opened the wine you gave me." He said, his voice void of emotion. I looked up.

"Really? How was it?"

"Adequate."

Instead of feeling offended, I smiled. "I'm glad you liked it. Any one else would have thrown it away or given it to someone else."

His gaze locked onto mine and I couldn't tear myself away from it. Those beautiful eyes that had haunted my waking dreams since I first saw them, they were latched onto mine and making me imagine so many things.

I cleared my throat and looked away, opting to stare straight ahead. It was much safer, I can tell you!

"So, are you having a busy couple of days? I know I am. There's this client that wants me to re-do all the mock-ups I'd made of his restaurant's interior just because he'd been to another one and liked it even more. Now he wants me to copy them! I'm tired of telling him that doing so can cause him and the company I work for a huge amount of money, not to mention big problems with the owners of the other restaurant..." My chatter had returned with full force due to my nerves and I chose to look at Sesshoumaru, finding him staring at me strangely. Horrified, I threw a hand to cover my mouth.

"Oh God I'm just carrying on, aren't I? I'm so sorry, I just talk a lot when I'm nervous..." I said, blushing furiously.

"You're nervous?" he said, with what I thought to be a hint of amusement in his tone.

Damn my mouth! Damn it to hell! I clamped my mouth shut.

I heard a rustle and saw Sesshoumaru stand up. He crumpled his coffee cup and tossed it into the nearby dustbin.

"You're going already?" I blurted out without thinking, my mouth unclamping itself. Sesshoumaru didn't reply immediately.

"I have work to do." He said finally. I nodded. "So do I. Well, it was...nice...talking to you."

He gave me a curt nod and left.

The tension left my body in a rush of breath that I expulsed from my mouth and I slumped back against the bench. My heart was pounding and my stomach was flopping about like a trout, even my hands were shaking from nerves.

I swear to God, this man was going to be the death of me.

**iIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiI**

Hope you all enjoyed this chappie, I made it a bit longer than the others to make up for the long time you all had to wait. The next chapter will be a decisive one, so stay tuned!


	10. Note

Hello everyone! Yes, I should be back with an update but I need to explain something, though I feel I shouldn't. A few reviewers (conveniently anonymous might I add), believe that writing impatient comments about how I should hurry up and update, will automatically make me whip out a new chappie. Um….no.

Of course, the majority of reviewers have been lovely and supporting and I thank you all because you're my motivation. I realize that you might get impatient, I understand that, but think about it: I work two jobs, I go to university and I'm writing my thesis. I barely have time to sleep, let alone write something other than my thesis document.

No, I'm not out of ideas, no, I haven't forgotten about the story and no, I haven't died. If you want a quality chapter that has had some thought and planning put into it, then please be patient and bear with me. I don't want to post a rushed chapter that's about five pages long.

Again, it's not everyone who pokes me and prods me about this, and I really, truly appreciate those of you who have stuck by this story, it's inspiring. So please, patience…rest assured, I will NOT abandon this fanfic.

As a heads up, the next chapter is called **A Peculiar Ocurrence**….there are about 4 pages written and lots of little notes scattered around which I will organize after and ONLY AFTER I have presented my thesis. Which is due on April 4th.

Thanks for all your patience and support, and stay tuned!


	11. Chapter 10

First of all, I LOVE YOU ALL! I admire your patience and appreciate your support throughout this (slow going) story. Seriously, you have motivated me and inspired me so much! After five years of uni, two years of research and writing a thesis, and about a year at my jobs, I can finally get my life (at least part of it) back! Yay!

And as a treat for your SAINTLY PATIENCE (because right now you are my heroes), here are TWO chappies for you to devour. Yes, two.

Thank you again, and here's the first of them!

**A Peculiar Occurrence **

Sesshoumaru walked out of the OR in his blue scrubs, removing his gloves and mask. He washed his hands thoroughly, thinking back on the surgery he had just performed successfully. Instead of immediately changing out of his scrubs, he went to his office and locked the door to make sure he wouldn't be disturbed, and sat down behind his desk. Taking his long, silvery hair out of the ponytail, he raked his fingers through it before finally resting back against his chair.

Ever since his last meeting with the Ayase girl a few days ago at the park, he had been unable to stop thinking about her. His mind was growing increasingly rebellious and forcing images of her to appear at every moment against his will.

He felt a twinge of a headache and pinched the bridge of his nose impatiently, willing the pains to subside. What was this girl doing to him? Her child-like innocence was a refreshing change from all that surrounded him daily, but it wasn't just that which had captured his interest. Her care-free attitude, her warmth and her ripe young body combined together to create a seductive image for him to dwell on…and even desire.

He leant forward, placing his elbows on the desk and propping his chin on his hands. He knew these were frivolous thoughts and held no solid or serious foundation. He deduced that his strained relationship with Risa was causing his mind to seek other distractions, since he no longer bedded her…not since meeting with the Ayase girl at the café that first time.

He glanced at his watch. Eight-thirty in the morning. He changed out of his scrubs and put on his long black coat, leaving his office to go and get his daily black coffee.

The air outside felt moist, a clear indication that the weather would be turning wet very soon. Sesshoumaru set off at a brisk pace towards the café ignoring the activity around him as he always did. As soon as he grasped his hot coffee in one hand he began to make his way towards the General Hospital, however he found himself swerving towards the park instead, knowing why he was doing it but unsure why he was allowing himself to.

His shiny black shoes made crisp, crunching sounds on the gravel and his long black coat whipped behind him, revealing a beige polo-neck sweater and black trousers that were, as always, neatly pressed.

He reached the pond and felt a pang of irritation as he discovered he was glaring at an empty park bench. She wasn't there. Well of _course_ she wouldn't be there! It was out of desperation and eagerness to disappear from his company that she had fled out here to have breakfast alone that last time. He felt a subtle twinge of annoyance at himself and his needless actions. She was driving him mad.

"…Sesshoumaru?"

He turned towards the source of that familiar voice. The Ayase girl was standing a mere metre away, half turned to him, as though she had been passing and suddenly noticed him there. In the morning light she appeared fresh and angelic, her hair tied up in a ponytail, her large eyes wide with surprise and her pale face tinged with pink. She wore a lavender blouse and blackberry coloured trousers with her black work heels peeking out from underneath them, and she clutched a packed folder that was in danger of exploding from its content.

His heart would have skipped a beat had he been a more unprepared or less controlled man, but he was above such things as emotion. Still, he could not find anything to say to her or how he could explain his presence there. The Ayase girl though, as always, had something to say and thus rescued him from a possibly awkward situation.

"I was just on my way to work...I'm a little early, as usual and I was going to get some breakfast." She said, nodding her head towards the café and smiling. She seemed to hesitate. "Are you in a hurry? Maybe we could sit for a while."

Sesshoumaru held her gaze. "If you don't return in five minutes I shall leave." He said briskly and went to sit down on the empty park bench. The Ayase girl beamed.

"Don't go anywhere! I'll be back in a moment!" and she rushed off.

Sesshoumaru stared after her, picking up on the subtle sway of her hips as she walked and the way her long, dark hair moved with her body. He looked straight ahead and drank some coffee.

"Hmph."

If she wasn't back in five minutes he would go. Why he had even bothered to wait for her was beyond him, though he blamed it on the drudging monotony of his week and the tension in his relationship with Risa, which was worsening with every day that passed.

Risa...that woman was like a harpy, closing in on him as if she sensed something was astray. He found himself comparing her to the Ayase girl, who was so fresh and natural and innocent. Her sweet disposition would engulf his mind with thoughts that were beyond his control, while Risa's coolness and pride would keep him aloof and indifferent.

This girl was doing something to him and he didn't like it nor did he understand it. He was a calculating man, and he seldom failed to understand anything. Maybe spending time with the Ayase girl would prove helpful in analysing the entire predicament he was in and once resolved he would simply leave. Sounded logical enough.

A crunch of gravel in the distance pulled him out of his thoughts. Glancing at his Rolex he observed that she had been only three minutes and had therefore been granted the privilege of his company. He sipped at his coffee indifferently.

She sat down beside him, dropping her folder at her feet as if it were a large brick and with an irritating rustling noise she unwrapped her breakfast. Cinnamon buns. Sesshoumaru's nose wrinkled delicately for a split second.

"So..." She began. It had been too much for Sesshoumaru to assume that she would be silent during this particular morning. Nevertheless he had never assumed such a thing, being the man he was.

"What made you decide to take your coffee for a walk in the park?" She asked, a grin slapped on her face. A lame attempt at humour. He didn't reply. She shrugged and took a bite out of her breakfast, chewing with a thoughtful expression on her face.

Despite only knowing her little, Sesshoumaru's powers of observation were sharp enough to deduce that a barrage of words were about to leave her mouth. Any other man would have braced himself. Sesshoumaru merely sat in expectation, counting down the seconds to the moment when he would again, be proven right.

* * *

Yeah, so I was all set for a nice, awkward conversation with this dreamboat, when I realized that he had been seeking _me_ out this time...and I had happily obliged! _Stupidly _obliged more like! Damn, was I slow at grasping these things...

I had to break it down for myself to understand: I liked him. I had asked him out. Twice. He accepted, then rejected my advances/friendship/everything and I was crushed. Then outside my apartment there was a weird moment when he didn't seem _too_ sick of me. Then he treats me like a stranger yesterday in the cafe. Afterwards he joins me on a park bench just to listen to me talk. Today, the same thing is happening.

Why had I not noticed something was very wrong here! He was just playing with me, toying with my feelings! I mean, one moment he's acting like he doesn't mind being with me, and the next moment he's treating me like some bogey that's been wiped on a wall!

I was sitting there chewing on my lovely cinnamon bun just mulling these things over in my head and feeling just the teensiest bit annoyed. Which was a bit odd because in Sesshoumaru's presence I usually feel like jelly that's been left outside for a few hours. I found it just a little bit irritating that I had to go out of my way to please him while he could trample all over my self-esteem without giving it major thought.

"Um, Sesshoumaru? May I ask you a question?" I started, experiencing the slightest twinge in my vital organs when his piercing amber eyes flickered in my direction. I needed to get a hold of myself! I took his silence as a sign to continue.

"Do you treat all the women you know with the same..._courtesy_...as you have treated me? I mean, I don't want to sound judgmental or whiny or anything. I'm just genuinely curious."

His gaze held mine for some seconds more and his mouth turned up in a smirk. I carried on.

"It's because...well...you may not have noticed, but I do have _feelings_ and all. That night at dinner you went through so many mood changes that I was almost certain that you took me out on a 'pity date'. The thing is, I know your type and that's not something you would do because your enormous ego would never allow such a thing."

Sesshoumaru was looking ahead now, face impassive and eyes cold. He wasn't even going to bother answering back! What a...what a...GAH!

"What _is_ it with your attitude?" I burst out angrily, earning a glance and a raised eyebrow from the silver haired man sitting beside me. No more nice Rin now...I was hungry for the truth and I was tired of having my feelings being played with. Sure, I felt a forceful attraction but I wasn't going to let myself be treated so unfairly by him. He was engaged to be married, yet he acted so unlike a committed man. At times I could almost be sure there was a real human being there and not just an ice statue, but I was fed up of guessing his motives. Right now I needed to know if he was actually interested or simply wasting my time.

* * *

His coffee drunk and his mind processing the Ayase girl's words, Sesshoumaru could do no more than remain seated and silent. After all, what did he have to say to her? She reserved no right to ask him to justify his behaviour, nor had she the right to question him about it, least of all admonish him. It was amusing however, to realize how much he had affected her.

"Do you really think it's fair to play games with someone like this, to spend time in their company and then brush them off as if they were an annoying insect?" she continued, her face heated and rosy with irritation. It was definitely a side of her he had never seen. Her fire was oddly refreshing in comparison to Risa's sarcastic arguments and lectures. Sesshoumaru felt a little disturbed with his current train of thought, and determined that silence was no longer a smart strategy.

"I've never met someone as confusing as you. You ask me to a restaurant and then you question my intentions as if I were a criminal, THEN at my apartment you...you...SEE WHAT I MEAN? Your moods change more than a woman on PMS!"

"You didn't seem that affected by my behaviour." He countered, his voice low and smooth. The Ayase girl spluttered with shock. "NOT AFFECTED! How would _you_ feel if someone played games with you like that? If they asked you out and then rudely told you you're practically a nobody? Gah! You're so...so-" She looked up and desperately tried to think of her next words.

"I'm so what?" Sesshoumaru asked, turning his head to observe her.

"So...Frustratingly enigmatic!" She exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air passionately and bringing them down to cover her red face. "It's all your fault." She mumbled into her palms.

"So I see."

The Ayase girl's hands shot off her face and she turned to him. "I'm glad you see! It's fantastic that you see how your whole 'aloof' behaviour is absolutely maddening, and how you are so very lucky to have found a woman to spend the rest of your life with because let me tell you, she is a _saint_ for putting up with you...she's my _hero!"_

It was an indescribable feeling. Sesshoumaru just stared at her as she pointed out his faults and insulted his personal choices, but there was no anger. He had no desire whatsoever to retaliate; rather, he was partially amused that this slight young woman would have the courage and tenacity to confront him. It was also clear that her feelings for him were not completely limited to an innocent friendship. But what was he doing here, acting like a reprimanded child? Why was he still listening to her? Why wasn't he back at the hospital, answering his fiancée's calls and slotting himself back into the daily routine that ruled his life?

He watched the girl as she continued to speak and a strange sensation came over him. He was not prone to strange sensations, and he controlled his emotions ruthlessly, however, this particular feeling was one that had begun growing and growing until it could no longer be ignored, despite his endeavours. What he also failed to ignore was the fullness of her rosy lips, her heated cheeks and her large brown eyes that sparked fire.

"…It's not like I'm trying to force you to change or anything, you just need to know the difference between blunt, and downright _rude_ because I'm sure I'm not the only person whose dignity has suffered from your _kind_ words. And another thing-"

Before he could hold himself back, Sesshoumaru reached out and firmly grasped her chin, forcing her face towards him. The Ayase girl's words were shocked out of her and her wide eyes stared into his. He gave her chin a small shake.

"Stop talking." He said, voice low and husky. He pulled the girl's chin towards him and his lips descended upon hers in an ardent, stormy kiss. She stiffened against his mouth, then gradually began to relax, opening her warm lips and allowing him full access. He brushed his tongue along her bottom lip but he refrained from going any farther.

Sesshoumaru broke away from her and stared straight ahead, letting go of her chin. Even though this method hadn't been the one he had initially thought to use, it still proved effective in stemming the incessant flow of words that so characterized this girl. But what had he been thinking? He was never a man to act on impulses, nor was he free to. He had a future that was calculated to perfection and to his utmost convenience, so there was absolutely no room for silly, superfluous distractions like these. The spell this girl had put him under would be temporary, as was his present lapse of control.

"Excuse me." He spoke, voice thick and deep. He abruptly stood and strode away, feeling her eyes on him as he put more and more distance between them. His lips still tingled and he was feeling deeply perturbed, but he ignored the sensation and tried to concentrate. Though it was damned difficult to, as he recalled the closeness, the warmth, the sweet taste and a detail he hadn't noticed before: a spatter of freckles on the girl's nose.

As the General Hospital loomed closer, his thoughts and heart rate returned to normal and he felt himself cool. With his mind back to the way it was he realized that his action hadn't been a reckless one, motivated solely by impulses. He had gotten himself more involved than he liked to think.

* * *

My cinnamon bun was lying abandoned in the grass beside my feet and I stared at Sesshoumaru's retreating back until he completely disappeared from sight.

WHAT. JUST. HAPPENED.

I lifted my fingers to my mouth, forgetting that my hands were sticky from the bun but not caring anyway. He had...kissed me? Why? My thoughts were all jumbled up and the rest of my body was stiff from the shock, but that didn't stop me from replaying the scene over and over again in my head and trying to make sense of it. What could possibly have come over him to spontaneously make that contact?

I mean, there I was blurting out all sorts of complaints and accusing him of practically everything when all of a sudden he grabs my chin and...and...

Gosh, he was a wonderful kisser.

What was I saying! He was practically _married_ and that would make me the..._other woman!_ Oh dear, this wasn't right at all. Wait, could I be the other woman even if he wasn't married yet? What's it called if you make out with a man who has a fiancée? Cheating! Oh my gosh, I felt terrible. But just reliving that kiss was making me melt inside, recalling the soft, persuasive touch of his warm mouth and the feel of his hot tongue...WAIT, I really shouldn't be thinking about this! I needed to get to work!

I shot off the park bench, grabbing my folder and clattering off in my heels praying I wouldn't be too late.

Fortunately I only arrived five minutes late, but I can't say the rest of the morning was as fortunate. I simply couldn't concentrate! My stupid brain had the kiss scene on a loop and would spaz out if I tried to think of something else, like WORK. How could I be so affected by Sesshoumaru's kiss? It was obvious that he managed to quickly pull himself together and forget the whole thing. I mean, I suppose he must have forgotten. I wish I knew what he was thinking!

I still sensed his delicious fragrance around me, fresh and slightly musky, making it ever so hard to put the event out of my mind. What was this man doing to me? My insides would become tingly whenever I thought of him and whenever I saw him. It was those eyes...beautiful amber eyes that were so stern and cool. Or his long silver hair that I was aching to run my fingers through. Maybe his wonderful scent or his strong, masculine figure. Dang, it was _all _of him! I just wanted to run home and cry out in despair. Even if there had been something there, call it a spark or some kind of 'chemistry', he would never be mine. He was already promised to someone else, someone who deserved him more and who matched him perfectly. As the image of his red haired fiancée sprang to mind, I felt a twinge of jealousy. I sat up straight at my desk in surprise. I had never been jealous in my entire life! Well, unless you count the time a dumped a pot of paint over some girl's new Barbie doll in kindergarten because it was prettier than mine. But actually, this was a revelation, if I was jealous of Sesshoumaru it meant that my feelings ran deeper than I had previously thought. That was not good.

I realized I needed to quit while I was ahead, break it off, finish it or whatever. He was in no position to involve himself in this kind of situation, not while he had a fiancée preparing to spend the rest of her life with him. But just thinking about taking this course of action produced a painful tug at my heart. I was falling so hard for this man that I didn't want him to be snatched from me...even though there was practically nothing happening between us. I sighed and shook my head in an attempt to empty my head of these silly thoughts. It didn't work.

During lunch break with my two wonderful yet nosy friends, I couldn't focus on the food in front of me. Instead I stared off into space until the girls picked up on it.

"Rin! You're not even touching your pasta! Is anything wrong?" Exclaimed Yue, looking at me with wide eyes. Reika nudged her and whispered loud enough for all three of us to hear.

"Yue! Don't you see Rin is suffering from the very common ailment, man troubles?"

I blushed furiously, causing both girls to shriek with laughter and excitement.

"Oh my God, Rin! Why didn't you tell us! Lemme guess, it's the doctor, right? Am I right, am I right?" asked Reika eagerly, bouncing up and down in her seat, her short, pixie-cut hair bobbing with every movement.

"Well...yes. But it's not what you think!" I blurted out. "It's not like we're seeing each other, remember he's engaged to be married."

Reika and Yue gave each other sly looks and smirked. Yue leaned forward, her little bunny nose twitching in anticipation. "Come on Rin, you can tell us, no need to keep something this juicy a secret."

I sighed and pushed my lunch away from me, appetite completely lost. "Ok, I'll tell you but you've no right to judge me." I warned. They both nodded their heads vigorously and moved their chairs closer.

"This morning I bumped into him at the park, and he agreed to sit with me for a few minutes while I ate some breakfast, you know, I always stop by the café when I'm early for work for a nice hot pastry or something. Anyway, I was sitting there with him and I started, well...arguing about something, long story, tell you guys another time, when he stopped me and and...and-"

"And what?" both girls asked simultaneously.

"He...kissed me." I finished, in a rather confused voice. The girls squealed and clapped. I shushed them, looking around the lunch room and seeing a few bewildered stares.

"Girls, I know it sounds like this great thing, but I don't think we should be celebrating, the guy is going to get married after all."

As though completely ignoring what I had just said, Reika asked, "So, what was the kiss like?"

I gave in this time. "Wonderful. Confusing. Terrible!" I dropped my head forward onto my arms with a groan. "It was like he actually had feelings for me...it was all so warm and tingly. But I know I have to forget about it because he's going to spend the rest of his life with someone else." I abruptly lifted my head.

"But you know? I'm okay with that. It's a new experience and it will give me something to look back on fondly when I'm older."

"Oh Rin..." Sighed Reika, shaking her head. "You and your optimism. Life's not as simple as fairytales, how do you know he's going to spend the rest of his life with his fiancée and live 'happily ever after'? If he's doing something like this with you, don't you think it's because he's not satisfied in some way with his future wife?"

That did make sense. "But how do I know he's not just playing games with me?" I asked, genuinely worried.

"You said the kiss felt sincere, right?" Yue enquired.

"Well, yes...it did seem that way."

"Then you have to see how thinks develop. Don't you do anything, don't call him, don't look for him. Let him come to you. If he does, that means he's not ready to marry this other woman. If he doesn't...then you can move on, Simple!" Reika beamed, proud of her own advice. Though actually, it was pretty good advice.

"You're right! That's exactly what I'm going to do." I smiled back. Still, the knots in my stomach were still tied and a flutter of worry kept me from reaching out and pulling my lunch back in front of me.


	12. Chapter 11

Here's the next chapter, as promised. Hope you enjoy! Let me know your thoughts on it. The chapter after this one may take some time, I predict the next few months will get a bit hectic, but I'll try to write bits of the story whenever I can. After all, from here it gets quite interesting and I'm excited to share it all with you guys!

**Stepping Stones **

Sesshoumaru arrived home late that day, and he wasn't surprised to find Risa lounging around his living room. He hung up his coat and dropped his keys on the black marble counter that separated the kitchen from the lounge.

"Where have you been? I missed you." Purred Risa, stretching in a feline fashion and getting up from the leather sofa.

Tasting some exceptional wine, courtesy of a certain ex-patient, in the privacy of his office. "I expected to be alone tonight." He drawled, voice cold and carrying a hint of disdain.

"Aw, but I'm in such need of _company_." Risa said in sensual tones, closing in on him like a predator. Sesshoumaru stood tall and resolute, indifference plastered over his face and eyes glaring icily at her. She went around him and slid her hands slowly up the hard wall of his back. He didn't move. She pressed her large breasts against him and brought her hands around his waist to the front of his trousers.

"Risa. No." Sesshoumaru said, his voice final and dangerously low. Risa snatched her hands away from him as if he were red hot.

"What is the matter with you, Sesshoumaru?" she hissed, moving to the sofa and seizing her handbag and jacket. Sesshoumaru remained motionless and chose silence as his answer.

"You never used to have a problem fucking me before. What, did you grow a conscious? Spare me. Once we're married I'll make sure this won't be an issue." She spat and stormed out, slamming the door behind her. Sesshoumaru stared at the door indifferently.

He strode to his bedroom, unbuttoning his shirt on the way, letting it fall on a chair beside his bed. He sat down on the fresh white sheets and propped his elbows on his knees, resting his chin on his interlaced fingers.

"_...Once we're married I'll make sure this won't be an issue."_

Risa's words echoed in his head relentlessly, and for the first time since the beginning if their engagement Sesshoumaru began to question his carefully calculated plan. The disgust he felt for Risa was gradually increasing, and the mere thought of touching her caused him to grit his teeth. He still desired the position of chief and if he refused to marry Risa, her father would resort to any means necessary to prevent him from getting it. Not only would he make Sesshoumaru join the ranks of the unemployed, but he would also be rendered unemployable by any hospital in the country.

Which meant that the engagement had to be followed through.

Automatically, images of the Ayase girl began to take shape in his mind. He recalled the kiss and the natural way it felt, as if he had done it before. He remembered the sweet taste of her soft lips, the warmth of her mouth and the swiftness of her acceptance. So different to Risa's kisses that only harboured lust and hardness.

The shrill ring of the phone interrupted his thoughts and he reached over to the black bedside table to pick up.

"Yes."

"Ah, Sesshoumaru, I'm glad I caught you awake." Came a mature voice from the other end. Sesshoumaru clenched his jaw at the sound of his future father-in-law. Risa must have gone crying to daddy. "Sesshoumaru, Risa's been telling me she's not quite happy with how things are going at the moment. I do hope this is temporary, of course?"

"I expect so." Sesshoumaru answered shortly. The man on the other line chuckled.

"Good to hear. I was beginning to worry that you'd forgotten our little arrangement. You've put my mind at ease. Have a good night." A quiet click meant he had hung up. Sesshoumaru glared at the receiver with utmost distaste and put it in the cradle. He undressed for bed, getting into a cotton t-shirt and grey slacks and lay down, examining his options. Everything he did now lacked meaning, his job, his engagement and his routine. It was strange how many aspects of his life the Ayase girl had disrupted by merely talking to him and spending time with him. It was impossible to ignore the turbulent feelings that she produced in him, no matter how hard he tried to control them and remain coolly indifferent.

He discovered that this distraction was necessary to keep him sane until he could marry Risa. If he finished it now, there was a risk of not following through with the engagement just to avoid Risa and his mundane weeks at the hospital. He begrudgingly accepted that the Ayase girl injected much needed life and brightness into his days and this was something he required in order to keep going until his wedding day and consequent naming as chief of medicine.

It was a good plan. He wasn't seducing her, nor was he being seduced, it was just a matter of temporary, mutual pleasure. After all, they were both adults. And Risa didn't need to know, it wasn't as if he were sleeping with the girl or any such thing.

Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and fell asleep.

The next morning he awoke, hot and very aroused, vaguely recalling remnants of a sensual dream that had been plaguing his nights for a while now. He brought a hand down upon his stiff member, feeling it pulse and he clenched his jaw in irritation. Getting out of bed he removed his white shirt and grey slacks, heading for the shower. His bathroom was much like him, cold and impersonal. He turned on the water in the shower stall, deciding that it was a good idea to take an icy shower to cool himself down.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi**

The alarm rang and I fell out of bed in surprise. I could have sworn I had only just closed my eyes to sleep and now it was already morning. I groaned, pulling myself up and whacking my alarm clock repeatedly to make it shut up. I felt awful and the day was going to be grey and dreary. Never mind though, nothing a hot shower and piles of makeup couldn't fix! I usually loved grey days because the air felt so cool with the promise of rain, but last night I'd had so little sleep that the dullness of the atmosphere was sticking to me.

I had so many silly dreams and I'd tossed and turned so much that it felt like I only had about five minutes sleep in total. Thank heavens today was Friday and I could sleep in tomorrow. I went about my morning routine, though a little more sluggishly than usual, but I soon perked up after the shower and my dressing ritual. I loved taking my time putting on my clothes, it felt so relaxing. Feeling the fabric brush against my skin and seeing the final result of the entire process was so satisfying. I'm weird, yes I know.

I picked up my folders and checked my watch. Could I make it in time to grab a bagel or iced bun? I felt a little tingle in my belly as I wondered if I'd bump into Sesshoumaru today. I shook my head and tried not to be so silly, but as I headed out of my apartment building, I went my usual way to the café instead of straight to work as I should have. I wondered if I should speak to my aunt Kumiko about what was going on with Sesshoumaru, a thought that had crossed my mind many times before. But I knew she would go crazy and panic, telling me to end the foolishness at once and apologize to his fiancée. So for the moment, no mentioning the topic to my aunt at all.

I bought an iced bun and took a shortcut through the park as usually, slowing my step...just in case. There was no sight of him anywhere. Oh well, it was bound to happen, and anyway, Reika had said not to go looking for him and here I was, doing the exact opposite. I picked up my stride and bit into my iced bun, stopping dead when I caught a glimpse of a silvery sheen by the duck pond. There was no mistaking that regal posture and gorgeous hair. I swallowed hard, my mouth suddenly dry, my bubbling thoughts chasing themselves around in my head. Should I keep going past him? Should I stop and say hi? After the kiss, things would become so much more awkward, though I doubt I would have less topics of conversation to come up with, being the chatterbox I am.

As though knowing someone was watching him, Sesshoumaru turned around, his piercing amber eyes meeting mine. I realized I was stupidly standing still with an iced bun halfway to my mouth. Flustered, I forced my legs to move and I walked closer. I reached his side and tried to avoid his gaze, opting to look straight ahead at the ducks on the water.

"Didn't expect to find you here, where's your usual coffee?" I chirped, trying not to blush as I noticed his eyes never left me.

"I didn't buy any." He answered, his deep voice sending pleasant shivers down my spine. "I must go now."

I turned sharply to look at him, hoping my disappointment wasn't too obvious. "Oh? That's a shame, well I know you're busy and everything. I have to get to work myself." I smiled. He nodded, his cool eyes staring into mine. I looked away, feeling hot and bothered. Why was he doing that? What was he thinking?

"I'm taking you to dinner tonight. Be ready to leave at eight." He said in an authoritative tone and he strode away, shoes making crisp, crunching sounds in the gravel and black coat swishing behind him.

If I had a mirror I would have avoided looking into it because I knew what colour my face was at that moment. Dinner? Tonight? Eight?

That sounded wonderful!

Wait, what? I was...confused. I mean, he'd asked me to dinner before, but this time it was different. We'd shared a kiss, and he seemed...not himself. Why was he standing by the lake? Was he waiting for me? Did he expect me to come to him?

And the most important question of all: did his fiancée know about this? So many things to think and worry about! I felt bad because I didn't want to betray anyone, but I had such strong feelings for Sesshoumaru that I couldn't pass up an opportunity to spend time with him. Did that make me a terrible person? What if Reika was right, and he really wasn't satisfied with his relationship? Was I part of a fling or something deeper?

My head started to ache with all of these ponderings. I _did_ want to take him up on his offer, and I wanted to find out the depth of his feelings for me, if they existed. But I was afraid. I was afraid because...because I was already in love with him and I didn't know what to do.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi**

Halfway through a simple procedure in the O.R., Sesshoumaru received a page from Risa. An hour later he finished suturing and left to remove his scrubs, feeling a mild annoyance for his fiancée for interrupting his concentration. He released his long, silver hair from the ponytail and made his way to his office where Risa would inevitably be waiting. And lo and behold, she was.

He entered, plucking his white coat from the hanger and putting it on. Risa was sitting at his desk, arms and long legs crossed.

"What do you want." Said Sesshoumaru bluntly, folding his arms across his chest and standing firm.

"What I _want_, Sesshoumaru, is to talk. About our relationship." Risa stood up and went around her chair, placing her hands on the back for support. Sesshoumaru watched her, waiting. She sighed loudly.

"Sesshoumaru, look, I know we having been getting along lately and it's clear that neither of us has been making an effort to put things right. I know my father promised you that position and he's not exactly making it easy for you...and for that matter neither am I. But we have to make this work, at least for the sake of our sanity."

"This couldn't have waited until after my shift?" Sesshoumaru asked coldly. Risa rolled her eyes.

"No, it couldn't wait. When I go to your apartment you want to be alone."

"You don't go to my apartment to _talk._"

Risa gave him a slow, sensual smile. "I know." She sauntered up to him and placed a hand on his muscled chest. "Sesshoumaru, you're the only man I've ever wanted. Let's make this work."

Sesshoumaru didn't answer, but he let her kiss him. She left his office, leaving her scent in the air. It was sickeningly sweet, not like the Ayase girl's fragrance. Lavender.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi**

Dear me, it was ten to eight and I still wasn't ready! I had put on a strapless black dress that was cut below the knee with skirts that flowed outwards in layers. I reminded myself of a china doll! I put on my earrings and slipped into my black heels, wobbling for a few moments while I got used to them. I sprayed on just a small amount of perfume and flapped at myself to make it dry quicker, stealing frantic looks at the clock. Five minutes! My insides felt like they were taking part in pro-wrestling, gosh I was so nervous! It wasn't like the first dinner, where I had convinced myself that nothing would happen. It was more nerve-racking now that something _had_ happened.

I brushed my hair and started to pull it up, when I changed my mind and let it hang loose and natural, clipping up one side using a diamond slide. I applied some lipstick and jumped when I heard the doorbell, my heart giving a loud thump and causing me to drop everything.

"Oh God, oh God, he's here, oh God!" I whispered to myself madly. I took deep breaths to calm down. I grabbed a shawl and my purse, squaring my shoulders and patting my hair before I walked to the door.

He was a vision. I opened the door and had to swallow my heart down because it had jumped that far up my throat. He looked so handsome in a black silk shirt and black trousers, and I ached inside when I gazed at him. We left the apartment building in silence (I was so overwhelmed, I couldn't speak) and we got into his car.

"Are we going to the same restaurant as before?" I asked, trying to look ahead and not stare at him.

"No. Somewhere else." He replied enigmatically and I felt his burning gaze on me. I shivered, trying not to dwell on how warm I was getting. He started the car and I was momentarily distracted by his elegant movements that were so infused by sensuality that it took everything in my power to tear my eyes away.

We reached the restaurant after half an hour on the road (and half an hour of my nervous chatter to try and lighten the mood), and Sesshoumaru got out of the car, signalling to the young valet to open the door on my side. I got out and stared at the restaurant front, which sparkled with minute lights. The name was _Firefly_, my favourite, favourite, favourite animal. I smiled broadly, feeling as giddy as I had when I was a little girl and caught my first firefly in the garden that summer's night. I sensed Sesshoumaru by my side, and caught his wonderful fragrance.

"I love fireflies. Ever since I was a child I would chase them in the garden and get all these grass stains on my clothes. While the other girls my age played with Barbies, I ran after insects." I chuckled, looking up at Sesshoumaru. He didn't smile or laugh, he just gazed at me with his neutral expression, but somehow I began to feel more at ease and much less awkward, as if he had somehow known that bringing me here would calm me. Though that, of course, was just fanciful thinking.

He had reserved a table near the window and we sat down, receiving menus from the friendly waiter. My eyes roamed around the place, drinking in all the details like the glittering chandeliers and the deep green carpets, the embroidered table cloths and intricately ornamented silverware. There was nature everywhere I looked, fresh green stalks and fragrant flowers decorating the tables. I decided I liked this place much better than the _Silver Spoon_. I snapped my gaze back to the menu and looked up, startled to find Sesshoumaru watching me above his own menu. He slowly lowered his stare and concentrated on the dishes, leaving me to fight down a creeping blush.

The waiter returned to take our order, shrimp cocktail entrée, baby beef for me and veal for Sesshoumaru followed by blueberry tart for me and something stronger for him. As the waiter scurried off to fulfil his duties, Sesshoumaru rested his chin upon his hands and watched me expectantly. Oh, this man knew me already. I took a sip of the wine that had been previously poured for us, and felt its warming effects, slipping into easy conversation and losing my nervousness. So different from the last time!

I talked about work, my projects, my friends, my aunt...in short, things that would simply bore a man to death. But even though Sesshoumaru just observed me and said nothing, it was clear that he was listening (or acting like it at least), occasionally taking sips from his glass. I made sure to avoid questions about his fiancée, a fact we both noticed and ignored.

"How do you do that?" His question caught me off-guard, mid-chatter.

"Do what?" I asked, feeling slightly flustered under his intense gaze.

"Act so firm and determined. You do realize that life is complicated and requires more than just positive thinking."

"I know that. But I don't see why you can't just enjoy life one day at a time. I don't understand how some people can live out their days planning out their futures without giving thought to the present, which is what really counts in the long run. And I don't understand why some can be so negative about things, when they're really missing the beautiful things that happen around them every single day, like nature and life and the little things. Sure, we all have to die some day but why struggle against nature's order? It's better to take it easy, think positively and live every day like it's a gift. Don't you think?"

Sesshoumaru didn't agree or disagree, he simply watched me with the strangest expression. He opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the waiter bringing our meal.

As we ate, he asked me another question. "I have reason to believe that you've experienced loss before?"

I chewed slowly, swallowing hard. "That's right. It happened when I was eight years old, I was going to act in a school play and my family was supposed to go and see me. They died in a car accident on the way there. My parents and my brother." Damn, it was still hard to talk about it even after all of these years. "But my aunt took me in and raised me, she's a wonderful woman and the only family member I have left. How...how about you? You mentioned before that you lost your mother. I mean you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. One minute of silence for yes and two for no." I grinned, trying to take the solemnity out of the conversation. His eyes flickered upwards to meet mine and I had no idea whether he was amused or not.

"She died of breast cancer when I was young. My father remarried soon after." He said, tone neutral. I put down my fork.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I suppose she was a great inspiration for you, since you commented that she was a surgeon."

"Yes, she was."

And that was all I could get out of him. I wasn't frustrated this time, I had begun to discover something. A man like him stuck to precision and perfection and couldn't allow his emotions to meddle with his life. It wasn't that he was refusing to share parts of himself with others because of dislike or lack of trust, it was more like he had built a wall to protect himself from anything that would disrupt his perfectly calculated life. I was starting to understand him. That knowledge alone made me want to reach out to him and teach him there was much more to life than plans and routine.

I wanted to continue talking to him and see what else I could learn but the evening was drawing to a close and I found myself being driven back home. Unlike the last 'date', I was content and slightly dizzy from the wine, feeling at peace in Sesshoumaru's presence for the very first time. I would sense his eyes on me at random moments but I was too giddy to worry about it, rather, I revelled in the attention.

He accompanied me to my apartment and I turned to say goodnight, this time making sure he was at an appropriate distance when I did. But it seemed he had other intentions. Before I could speak a word, he moved closer and captured my lips in a hot, slow and sensual kiss that threatened to make my legs give way from under me. I felt his hand at my waist, sliding around and pressing the small of my back, his other hand cradling the back of my head and pushing my face closer to his. My heart beat wildly and I brought my arms around his neck, drawing him in. He was such a contradiction, such a hard and cold man but so capable of soft, melting kisses that could seduce any woman.

Our mouths separated gently as we ran out of air. I could feel his warm breath against my lips and I stared into his beautiful amber eyes. I swallowed and was the first to speak.

"I think, Sesshoumaru, that you owe me some sort of explanation for this." I smiled, still feeling dazed.

"Yes." He replied, his gaze turbulent. There was a pause.

"But you're not going to give me one, are you?"

"No." He said in husky tones and lowered his hot mouth to mine. This time the kiss was much more passionate and held a greater sense of urgency.

"You're beautiful." He said against my mouth and I melted, having never heard anyone say such a thing to me in my entire life. With his tongue he persuaded my lips to part and as I accepted, he plunged inside, pushing against my tongue. He pressed his hard body against mine and I responded in turn, tightening my hold around his neck and releasing just the tiniest of moans.

He broke away suddenly and released me, placing his hands against the doorframe as if to steady himself. He straightened and cleared his throat. I tidied myself up the best I could, my eyes lowered to the ground, avoiding him.

"Goodnight." He told me, his voice deeper than usual. I nodded, too breathless to reply. I watched him leave, his broad back and swaying silver hair disappearing from sight into the darkness. My hands trembled as I tried to fit the key into the lock but I managed it, opening the door and switching on the lights.

There was no way I would be getting any sleep tonight after what just happened.


	13. Chapter 12

Hi guys. Yes, I know full well how long it has been, and that it has taken me longer than usual to update...I hope you aren't too annoyed about that, but there have been many reasons for this hiatus of sorts. I graduated Uni last September and I fell into a depression, you know, 'graduation blues'. And right slap bang in the middle of it, a close family member passed away and not long after that, my beloved pet too. Towards the end of the year, my significant other left to join the Air Force and a close friend of mine moved away to another country. So yes, lots of significant changes have occurred that have left me rather on my own so I hope you guys understand why I haven't been inspired to write.

However, I have been working hard to be positive and so far I feel I've grown much stronger. I've been very busy with my drawing and my day job as a writer. If you want to see some of the work I've been doing in the art department visit my deviantART page: guardianofthesword (.) deviantart (.) com, I have Sesshoumaru arts there for you to check out!

Enough of this drivel! On to the chapters!

**Disadvantages**

She was bewitching him, and her spell was getting more difficult to resist. As he drove back to his apartment that night his thoughts unwittingly lingered on the kiss he had shared with the Ayase girl only moments before. He recalled having told her on some sort of impulse that she was beautiful. What could have driven him to say such a thing out loud? Yes, he found her attractive, but he had meant to keep those thoughts entirely to himself. And yet, she was beautiful. He wasn't the type of man to lie, nor utter words without meaning. Something deep inside him had revolted, and now half of his mind was at war with the other.

He thought back on the kiss, how the sultry, velvety darkness had surrounded them intimately. He remembered the exquisite sweetness of her lips, the heat of her perfect breasts against his chest and the softness of her skin. Something stirred within him as he tried to fight off more erotic and enticing images that threatened to enter his mind. He'd had to leave abruptly, it was the best way to cool down, otherwise he might have done something he would regret.

It was now impossible to deny that whatever feelings of attraction that he experienced had intensified, but that didn't mean he could accept this fact. True, he was hot and aroused and had very little choice of how and where to vent his frustration but he gripped the steering wheel so tight his knuckles threatened to break out of his skin, and suppressed his turbulent emotions as coldly and efficiently as ever. This time however, it took him longer than before.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi**

It was almost three in the morning and my eyes were so wide open I was convinced that I looked like a lemur. Getting ready for bed had been quite a situation given how much my fingers were trembling and how fast by heart thumped in my chest. It took all the effort I could muster to not continuously brush my fingertips over my tingling mouth, where Sesshoumaru had made contact with his surprisingly soft lips.

I replayed the scene over and over in my head like a lovesick school girl and when I finally collapsed into bed (with my nightgown inside out but I wasn't in the right state to correct myself) I forced myself to close my eyes and fall asleep. Yeah, that didn't work.

Instead of making myself sleep, I dwelled on my current circumstances, and of course that hot, sweet kiss. I was in love with Sesshoumaru, that I couldn't deny. But what was he feeling? Was that kiss, and the one before it, lust fuelled? I knew I wasn't a very beautiful or sexy woman. I was petite, loud and energetic...not his type. What was going on in his relationship with his fiancée? Was he bored? Was he looking for a last minute fling with someone else before he settled down? I touched upon these subjects in my mind but somehow nothing fit. It didn't match the Sesshoumaru I knew.

I closed my eyes for the hundredth time, squeezing the lids together and ignoring the ache in my chest. I felt wonderful, awful and so confused. I accepted that I loved Sesshoumaru with all my body and soul. His deep, rich voice penetrated my being, his piercing amber eyes mesmerized me and his touch sent me into the most profound depths of desire and despair. It's wonderful, absolutely wonderful to fall in love with someone. But terrible if you don't know if they feel the same way about you.

I managed to sleep until eleven the next morning and I lay in bed savouring the fact that it was a weekend and I didn't have any leftover work to do. The problem was that this left me with an insurmountable amount of time to think about a certain silver-haired someone.

To distract myself, I tried to read a nice book that I had left halfway about...six months ago. I got through about five pages before realizing that I wasn't paying much attention to the text. I decided to watch some television, but I would zone out and think of him. I was seeing him everywhere, even when I tried to close my eyes! I gave up and let him take over my mind and my senses, feeling awed at how much he could affect me even when absent. I relived his kisses over and over again, touching my lips where his sensuous ones had been, soft and hot and passionate. My heart began to race at the memory and I knew I had to stop and think. What was I doing? He was engaged for goodness sake! But my heart refused to accept this fact.

I shook my head twice for good measure as if this movement would make those wonderful memories tumble out of one ear and leave me be. I got up, got dressed and grabbed my jacket. If staying home wasn't working, I might as well go out and try to take my mind off Sesshoumaru. I stepped out of my apartment and felt the soothing cool air against my face. The climate was changing, becoming more humid and misty. I liked days like this, it helped me concentrate more...though I would have preferred not to today.

I set off at a brisk pace, not going anywhere. Maybe walking like this would help me get rid of all the puzzling feelings trapped inside me. I must say, having left my apartment was a great idea, outside there were many more things to observe and think about. I crossed the park, my mind trying to linger briefly on my meetings with Sesshoumaru there, but I forced myself to stop. Today, I would not think about him!

My quick strides slowed to an ambling gait as I neared the shops, where I peered into the display windows to admire the most recent clothing collection of the season. In my haste to leave my apartment I didn't think to bring my purse with me. A nice new blouse or pair of jeans would have helped me take my mind off Sessh...I mean, a certain someone who I would prefer not to name! I rummaged around in my pockets hopelessly, trying to find some spare cash but all I could gather was a measly fare, only enough for a small pastry at my all-time favourite café, Nee-chan's.

I patted my tummy. I had gained a few pounds, what with the constant visits to the café, but I always had a terrible sweet tooth, and even the thought of tucking into a delicious chocolate muffin (which was what I had in mind at the moment) was making my mouth water. I walked back and headed towards the café, my stride quickening as the wind started to pick up. The clouds were darkening and it was clear that it would start to pour down with rain very soon.

I pushed open the door and breathed in the tantalizing smell of baked goods. Ahhh, marvellous. I went over to the counter and placed my order, paying for my muffin with the spare change I had dug out of my pockets. Not wanting to leave the exquisite warmth of the café, I moved to the tables and sat down at my favourite spot by the windows to chomp on my muffin and stare at all the goings on outside. Just as I was licking a few crumbs from the corner of my mouth, the door opened and a very tall, very beautiful, very _familiar_ man entered. One with long, silver hair.

My mouth hung open. But it was the weekend! He shouldn't be here on a weekend! His eyes found mine and he began to make is way over to my spot. Omigosh, omigosh, omigosh. He was striding with purpose, his piercing amber gaze never leaving me for a second. He hadn't even ordered anything from the counter! My face burned with embarrassment, excitement and nervous anticipation. Had he come to see me? Did he guess I would be here today? Am I over-thinking all of this because of my feelings for him?

He gracefully sat down in the seat opposite me and I caught a whiff of his delicious cologne. He smelt so good, all I wanted to do was bury my face into his neck and take a nice long sniff. He just sat there watching me. He seemed at odds for a moment, as if he didn't quite know what he was doing here, but the impression lasted for about a split second before his usual emotionless mask settled in place. My heart thumped in my chest, my mouth went dry. Why was he here?

He opened his mouth to speak and I noticed the sensual mould of his lips as they parted, which made my heart beat even harder.

"I..." he began. He closed his mouth and placed his elbows on the table, resting the arch of his fingers against his lips while he gazed at me in a troubled way.

_What? You what! _God in heaven, if he didn't speak soon and put me out of his misery I was going to throttle him. I decided to help him out.

"Yes?"

His glittering amber eyes lowered for a moment and then returned to meet mine. He opened his mouth again and in that split second I faintly perceived the door of the café swing open. I paid more attention to it as I observed an achingly beautiful red-haired woman step inside and sweep the place with her searching gaze. Sesshoumaru must have noticed my eyes widen and he followed my stare, getting to his feet briskly and leaving as purposefully as he came. The red-haired goddess caught sight of him and gave him a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. He didn't give me a backwards glance as he steered his fiancé out of the café. Had she seen me with him? It was impossible to know. I watched their retreating backs from my spot near the window until I could no longer see them.

I let out a breath and slumped forward atop of my arms. My heart was still thumping rapidly from all the excitement, but its rhythm was slowing due to the misery that had begun to sink in. What was I hoping for? A mad declaration of his feelings for me? Oh yes, I had imagined that sort of thing, because I was a fool. I would never come first if we were to form any sort of relationship, no matter how much I yearned for one. He was engaged to that titian-haired goddess and she was obviously besotted with him, even if she didn't show it much. I felt like such an adolescent! I sighed and lifted my head to stare out the window. The skies were becoming greyer with each passing second and I didn't want to get caught in a downpour. My appetite lost, I wrapped what was left of my muffin and dropped it in my pocket for later, then I stood to leave.

The moist breeze carried the scent of rain as I walked through the park and I was so deep in thought that I didn't realize my step had slowed and I was stopping beside the bench where I had spent 'quality time' with Sesshoumaru. I gazed up at the sky and roughly calculated I had about fifteen minutes until the heavens split open. I wasn't in any real hurry to get home anyway, I would just spend my time thinking of him. I plonked myself down with a sigh, leaning forward to prop my elbows on my thighs and setting my chin upon my hands.

I was in love with a man that would never be mine. It was a wretched feeling, though it was a strange, blissfully painful one. No other man had captured my attention in this way and I wondered if I hadn't gone just a little crazy. As I was wondering on and on, I heard a subtle crunch of gravel and straightened like a shot, my head whipping towards the sound.

It was Sesshoumaru and he was alone. He sat down on the edge of the bench and stared ahead. My heart picked up and I curled my hands into fists to stop them trembling.

"Is your fiancé...alright?" I asked, my mouth drying up with each passing second. Knowing that I was in love with him only made my body's reactions to him even worse. Why oh why couldn't go back to that silly schoolgirl crush phase? Or even before that?

"I expect so." He replied, his voice a mere rumble in his chest. I found myself subtly staring at his profile, my face heating of its own accord. I admired his strong jaw and smooth pale skin, those bold, sensual lips that I had on occasion tasted and those long, almost feminine eyelashes that lined his piercing amber eyes. I ached inside with such longing...I ached to touch him and I ached for him to touch me. My breath caught in my throat as he suddenly turned to look at me, so I tried to make myself speak.

"How did you and your fiancé meet?"

Wow. I was of course Rin, the queen of the Stupid Questions. He looked away, watching the ripples on the pond but not really looking at them.

"Her father is the Chief of Medicine at the Hospital." He replied simply. I don't know if that answered my question, but I wasn't about to prod him about it. I felt an annoying twinge of jealousy which was enough to think of a completely different subject to talk about. He, surprisingly, beat me to it.

"Have you had any significant others?"

My eyes widened at the question. And I felt it...I felt the surge of bubbling chatter pulse through and take over my being as it always did in these situations.

So I talked. I talked and talked and talked. I told him about the few boyfriends I had ever been with and the disasters of my love life. I was barely conscious of the fact that I would regret this conversation, that he would see me as a complicated woman with standards that were sky high, but I was too nervous to stop. I told him how my dates never quite took me seriously, they treated me like a child with their condescending smiles and little pats on the head.

"It's enough to put me off men for life!" I laughed, trying to make things sound light, when I was sharing one of the most painful and private things in my life. Why I thought he had to know, I have no idea. I didn't want him to pity me, I just wanted something I knew he could never give, but it felt right sharing my things with him. It must be that doctor's gaze and the fact that he could listen without laughing at me.

Something niggled in the back of my mind but I ignored it to ask him a question.

"Are you happy in your job? It must be wonderful to be able to help people every day." I had posed it as neutrally as possible, like one of those questions people answer automatically, such as 'how are you?'

He frowned and met my eyes, his gaze strangely intense. "I haven't been happy in a long time."

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi**

He didn't know who he was anymore. It was as if another Sesshoumaru had gone to that dratted café and met with that bewitching Ayase girl. His senses returned to him as soon as he sat down opposite her, but by then it was too late to leave without creating an awkward situation. And just what was he supposed to tell her? That he had no idea what he was doing there?

He was disgusted with himself, at his lack of control. This mere slip of a girl was messing with his mind and creating problems for him. But she looked so delectable, so fresh, so wide-eyed and innocent. He could even perceive that tantalizing scent of lavender that characterized her, making him want to grab hold of her soft hair and take a deep sniff. It was all he could do to restrain himself.

And what was he to say? Usually she would come to the rescue with her nonsensical chatter, but she was as surprised as he was and was having trouble thinking of something to talk about. He quickly attempted to think of something, but his mind was punishing him with notions too erotic for him to put into coherent words. _Want, desire, bewitch, perfect breasts, lush mouth, seduction..._

Before he could open his mouth and make a fool of himself, the bitch, Risa made an appearance, much to his frustration and relief. He got away from the Ayase nymph as quickly as possible and left the café with Risa who was watching him with narrowed eyes. He was quite sure she hadn't seen him with the girl, but he wasn't about to take any chances.

Before she could make accusations he found himself promising her, albeit in his cool, detached manner, that they would speak in his apartment later, when they both had the night off in a few days' time. This seemed to appease her, but only just.

"You're acting very strangely Sesshoumaru, but I shall attribute it to...wedding jitters." She had said, not without suspicion. They parted ways and Sesshoumaru watched indifferently as she entered the General Hospital. He turned and walked back to the café and caught a glimpse of the Ayase girl heading towards the park.

What was he doing? What was wrong with him? Was this a part of his coldly calculated plan? He supposedly only wished for a few moments' pleasure before he married Risa and obtained the position he had always wanted. It wasn't as if he were developing _feelings_ for this girl, his intentions were fuelled solely by lust. And naturally, so were hers. He was an attractive man, he had all the attributes that made him lusted over by women. This would be an adult agreement, a mutual agreement that was to last up until his wedding. After that, well, he would have his hands full.

Now that he had clarified his plan, he set off at a swift pace towards the bench where the Ayase girl would inevitably be seated.

He found her of course, deep in thought. She noticed him and flushed. Seeing the enticing pink blush spread over her cheeks made him almost forget what he had told himself earlier, but he quickly reigned in his control. He sat down beside her and waited for her usual barrage of words to burst forth. But they didn't. She was being infuriatingly unpredictable today and he had half a mind to stand up and leave. He didn't even know why he was sitting here in the first place, except to waste time. Then she asked him about Risa.

He wasn't about to discuss his plans with her and he made his answers brief. She took the hint. He asked his own question before he could stop himself. He inquired about her love life. He loathed himself at that moment. He had no interest whatsoever in her past lovers nor did he wish to convey that interest to her and give her the wrong idea. But with that question he managed to activate her 'chat mode' and he felt a subtle relief. Perhaps that was what he had meant to do after all. He had missed this, just hearing her melodious voice, though he hated to admit it. However, once he started to pay attention to what she was saying, he wished he had never asked her the damned question in the first place. Sesshoumaru wasn't the type of man to feel guilty about his plans and his behaviour, so he couldn't for the world fathom the cause of the twinge in his chest as she spoke of her disappointments. Oh she was too smart to act bitter about it, too smart to ask him to pity her...but one look at that intoxicating face, hearing that sweet laugh tinged with sadness and perceiving that innocence that surrounded her had made it very hard for him to focus on staying cool and indifferent. He wanted to protect her. Even from himself.

How could she look so provocative and not know it? It was proving exceedingly difficult to keep to his side of the bench. Staring off into the distance and trying not to look at her was the only thing he could do to stay in control. He knew she looked at him, he knew she wanted him. She asked him if he was happy at work.

Happy at work? He didn't even acknowledge the existence of the word 'happy'. He had never felt it, to be sure. Happiness was what fools sought, and he was far from a fool. Still, her question touched a chord within him. No one had ever asked him that before. In fact, no one had ever asked what his life was like in general. Was he happy? No. Did he ever expect to be? No.

He found himself gazing into her deep chocolate brown eyes. She was genuinely interested. She was the first person to be interested in him as he was, not what he was and how much he was worth. It was...unsettling to say the least, but not completely so. What was more unsettling was the reaction of his body and mind every time he contemplated at her. It took a lot of effort to keep his hands from reaching out and touching her, pulling her towards him and covering her lips with his. His heartbeat quickened but he forced himself to get rid of these thoughts. Focusing on the question, he answered her, with a truthfulness that surprised him. He hadn't been happy in a long time. Perhaps never.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi**

The intensity of his gaze was broken as the first drop of rain landed. He got to his feet with a rustle and he cleared his throat. A rumble of thunder sounded in the distance. I also got up with a stifled sigh, realizing our little meeting was over. I looked up at him and smiled.

"Well, I suppose I'll be seeing you." Good, that was good. Casual, friendly, with nothing to give away my turbulent feelings. He nodded curtly and started to go but he stopped. If I didn't know better I would have thought he was hesitating. I barely completed that thought when he turned back, closed the distance between us and lowered his mouth upon mine. My legs almost gave way at the first touch of that soft, warm mouth, and my insides flopped about inside me when his hand gently grazed the side of my neck and travelled further up to cup my cheek.

His kiss was gentle, surprisingly tender and oh so debilitating. My hands somehow placed themselves on the lean wall of his chest and were sliding up to circle his neck. He softly sucked on my lower lip and my mouth parted slightly. He accepted the invitation and slid his tongue smoothly inside, changing the nature of the kiss and making it hotter and more urgent. I felt a subtle heat form in my belly and I tightened my hold around his neck, wishing never to let go. His hands were moving over my shoulders and down my arms where they finally settled at my waist, where he placed a firm pressure to draw me closer to his vibrantly warm body. He nipped at my lower lip with his teeth and I made a little sound of surprise, which I regretted instantly because he broke the kiss and snatched his hands away from me as I were red hot. Which, I confess, was all too accurate.

He took a step back, breathing hard through his nose and closing his eyes. His jaw clenched and unclenched as if he were fighting for control, and when he opened his eyes they held a dark turbulence that frightened and excited me. I was breathless myself and I felt my lips tingle from his attentions. A sudden realization hit me. He was going to leave without explaining anything to me again. My heart was too vulnerable to allow it!

"Sesshoumaru. Please tell me what's happening." I said, my voice trembling in an infuriating way. Gah, these damned emotions!

He looked away. I felt disappointment. He wasn't going to answer. He looked back at me.

"I don't know."

And with that he left, his stride brisk and long. The rain was beginning to fall now, and I couldn't stay any longer if I wanted to stay dry. His answer had unsettled me greatly. What did he mean he didn't know? How can you not know what you're feeling? I was so confused. Sesshoumaru was the type of man to know himself, and his answer was so unlike him. I started to make my way home, picking up the pace as the rain began to fall harder. The niggling feeling in the back of my mind returned and I had the time to acknowledge it, stopping dead in my tracks as I did.

It was Reika's advice, days ago.

"_Don't you do anything, don't call him, don't look for him. Let him come to you. If he does, that means he's not ready to marry this other woman. If he doesn't...then you can move on, Simple!"_

It made me realize that I hadn't done anything to seek him out today. It had been him. He appeared in the café, he had arrived at the park where I was.

He had come to me.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi**

Next chapter's a biggie! Can't wait to get it posted! Stay tuned guys and thanks for your patience.


	14. Chapter 13

Hello my dears! Bet you didn't expect to hear from me so soon, eh? Because you're all so wonderful, here's an extra long chapter this time, dedicated to you lovelies. Be warned people, the rating goes up later in this chapter. Very citrusy...Yes, you know what that means (wink wink). Thank you so much for the support, I certainly don't deserve it! But it's great to know you're reading and enjoying this story, much as I have enjoyed dreaming it up and writing it down.

Onward!

**Rainy Season**

Sesshoumaru very much preferred the graveyard shift. It gave him time to think. He strolled out to the Hospital parking lot, ignoring the light drizzle that made all the vehicles in the place sparkle under the glare of the street lamps. He had performed a number of successful surgeries that day, and he had two more before his shift was up, but he needed some air and time to himself. Risa was inside and she was suffocating him with her constant, needy attention. She always managed to find time to _irritate_ him, even when she had more work to do than him. Tomorrow night was their mutual time off, and he recalled that stupid promise he had made to talk with her in his apartment. She had already planned ahead and wanted to take him out for a drink first. He should have refused, but he reconsidered, certain that he could use some alcohol in him when he had to deal with Risa. Several litres of it in fact.

He reflected on their 'relationship'. He could no longer lie to himself and say that lust would keep them together. There was no lust left, not on his side anyway. Risa disgusted him and he certainly wouldn't ever touch her willingly. He had dignity. Now that the lust was gone, this sham marriage would only serve to drive him insane. He would probably feel compelled to murder Risa if he didn't control himself. The Chief of Medicine wanted this match, however, and his daughter always got what she wanted. In the beginning, Sesshoumaru had little reason to complain, with the marriage he would obtain a position he coveted, the authority he craved and a beautiful, willing woman. His future father-in-law approved of him, of his skills. He also approved of the vast wealth from which Sesshoumaru came, which would prove useful when he took to a convenient retirement. And if Sesshoumaru failed to comply, the doors of every hospital in Japan would be shut in his face and he would never practice again. Since Sesshoumaru had no other choice, he would have to go through with the plan.

With his bastard brother Inuyasha at the helm of his father's company, Sesshoumaru could not do more than what he had already done. And he had to go through with the wedding, sick as it made him now. It wasn't necessary for him to pinpoint the exact moment when all his coldly calculated plans had ceased to motivate him. He already knew.

That damned Ayase girl with her perfect, perfect breasts. They had become something of an obsession, those breasts. From the first day he laid eyes on them, touched them, he had thought of little else. Milky white and pink tipped, soft and warm...

They were the kind of breasts that fit perfectly in a man's hands, that _belonged_ in a man's hands... in _his_ hands.

Yet it wasn't just her perfect breasts that made his heart quicken and his loins tighten. It was...it was...

Her eyes, those large doe-brown eyes filled with warmth. It was no use lying to himself, he could become lost in her eyes and not care. They were such compelling eyes, they made him feel things he had ruthlessly tucked away in dark corners, never to be unearthed. As if he could do more with his life, redeem himself, purify himself just by staring into those dark chocolate depths. Her fragrant hair, rich and dark and silky smooth was also part of his undoing. Every time he was near her he burned to tangle his fingers in those tresses and pull her towards him. Her creamy white skin, soft and delicate, the way it lightened around her breasts and contrasted with her rosy nipples. It wasn't enough to have seen her in his office, he wanted to see the rest of her, touch her as a man and not as a doctor...He wanted to make her writhe and moan beneath his hard body, he wanted to explore her sensually with his knowing hands, he wanted these things with an urgency he found very difficult not to acknowledge.

He jerked his mind from these hot, troubling thoughts and got back to the matter at hand, wishing the drizzle would cool him down. His trousers had become tight and painfully constricting. That Ayase girl had changed him, he knew. It had been very subtle, but he recognized the changes in himself as a man who constantly analyzed everything. She was such an exquisite creature, though by no means refined, never that. Risa was refined, but her sexual appetites bordered on vulgar. Sesshoumaru had believed that he would be well matched by a person as refined as he, but he was wrong. Risa was a daddy's girl and would remain that way, shifting her perturbing needs from her father to her soon-to-be husband.

The Ayase girl was so different. She was so warm, so good, so down to earth. So naive too. There was something about her that made the world seem much more than it already was, and that he had been ignoring a lot of it. The way her soft, full lips felt against his, the way she kissed him back with such sweetness, it made time cease, allowing him to lose himself in her innocence. It was a shame really, that he could only enjoy her until his wedding day. He felt a strange squeezing sensation in his chest at the thought. He wouldn't be abandoning her, or hurting her if he ended their temporary time together, it was to be an agreement between two consenting adults. He didn't like thinking that her innocent nature would somehow be polluted by him, and he kept feeling that infuriating need to protect her, but he was Sesshoumaru Saotome...he protected no one. In his life there had been no one to protect save his mother, and even she had gone.

He lifted his face towards the heavens and closed his eyes, letting the small droplets of moisture sprinkle over his skin. He lowered his head and glanced at his watch.

"Hmph."

Time to scrub in.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi**

"Rin, are you paying attention?"

I jerked out of my reverie and blinked at my boss, who was looking at me strangely. I felt my face flush.

"I'm so sorry, I wasn't...could you-?" I stammered. My boss waved a hand at me, unperturbed.

"It's fine, it's fine, I was just going to congratulate you on your work. Your client has just spoken with me and mentioned your professionalism. He loves your proposals." He beamed at me.

I smiled back. It had been damned hard to stay professional with such an indecisive client but I was so relieved-I mean- glad that my proposal for the restaurant chain had finally been approved. Now it would go to another department and I would only have to check on it now and again while I worked on something new. I broke the news to Reika and Yue who squealed and forced me to accept their invitation for a night out on the town. I was so caught up in their excitement that I mindlessly accepted, but I didn't regret it, I wanted to go and do something other than think of Sesshoumaru and his kisses. Oh sweet torment.

The rest of that weekend, after the kiss, had been torture. I could hardly sleep, reliving the scene over and over, tweaking them, changing my hair style, giving myself an imaginary boob job, things like that. Going back to work was a relief because it meant that I would be forced to concentrate on more mundane things, but it hadn't exactly worked out that way. I found myself daydreaming a lot and drifting off into impossible fantasies. I should have just knocked myself out, I would have made better progress while unconscious! Still, the days passed and I was able to pick up my pace, researching another project and immersing myself in it, while good naturedly tolerating Reika and Yue's constant prodding as they asked me about 'my married man'. Those girls were going to be the death of me.

I found myself looking forward to Friday night and going out with them. I deserved a break! Poor old me, working so hard and plagued with thoughts of a gorgeous _gorgeous _man. It was enough to exhaust any woman! I hadn't the foggiest idea where the girls were planning on taking me, they just hinted at dressing in my 'sluttiest outfit', bursting into a fit of the giggles as they said it. I rolled my eyes and laughed with them, they knew my modest tastes well.

That Friday I arrived home from work and threw off my clothes, got in the shower and tried to relax under the hot water. Afterwards, I blow dried my hair, grabbed a bite to eat (shrimp ramen) while dressed in my fluffiest bathrobe (oh so fluffy) and passed the time adding notes here and there to my research. As the clock struck eight, I shrugged out of my bathrobe and browsed among my outfits to see which one would do for tonight. I realized then that my tastes were _too_ modest and there wasn't a lot to choose from in terms of night wear. Meh!

I grabbed a pair of snug black jeans and slid into them, admiring my butt for a moment. I approve of the snug black jeans. I went over to the dresser for a bra and before putting it on I checked the underside of my breast, as I always did when I dressed. I lightly fingered the pale scar there. It had almost disappeared. I sort of wished it would remain, for it was to be my only physical link to Sesshoumaru. But those were silly thoughts! I pulled on a sleeveless plum-coloured top that featured a criss-cross pattern at the bodice to reveal just the teensiest bit of cleavage. I had used that blouse once before at a formal party with the company but I supposed it would suit for a night out. It would be dark anyway, right?

I picked up my black sports handbag, slipped my feet into some heels and threw on a black jacket, then I called the girls to let them know I was on my way out.

We were to meet outside of the club we had gone to last time, but we weren't going inside it. It had become a meeting point for us, or for me anyway, since it was the only club I knew how to get to. I'm utterly hopeless at finding my way through places and get horribly lost if someone doesn't draw a very detailed map complete with 'X marks the spot'.

I arrived at the club _Blue_ and spotted Reika and Yue, both looking devious and divine. They both wore halter tops, but Yue had a short black skirt on and Reika had black leather trousers. They squealed when they saw me then formed comical expressions of disappointment as they saw how sensibly I had dressed for the night. I couldn't help myself and I laughed. I nudged myself between them, hooking my arms through theirs.

"So, my pretties, where to?" I asked.

We ended up walking for about ten minutes (in heels!) to a new club called _Koi_, which I can only describe as orange. So very orange! I love orange, it reminds me of...oranges. They had aquariums filled with koi fish everywhere and the cocktails had little fish-shaped ice cubes swimming around inside them. Reika and Yue certainly had good taste when it came to night life! We drank and laughed and danced and flirted (well, they did, I'm hopeless at it) and discussed subjects that steadily grew more inappropriate with every cocktail. I don't like alcohol much, but I had two cocktails that were very sweet tasting, though potent. I was feeling slightly silly but since I was with the girls, I didn't have to worry. I don't know how long we stayed there but Yue started to look very red in the face and was laughing at the craziest things, so we decided it was time to go. Holding a swaying Yue firmly between us, Reika and I made the walk to the main street so that we could hail a cab. Yue had started singing an outrageously rude song and I was feeling so giddy that I joined in. Reika too, though she decided to replace some words with names of certain body parts which made us have to stop because we were laughing so hard.

We began walking again and I sighed. It had been almost a week since I saw Sesshoumaru and I missed him. I hadn't dared to go back to the café because I was afraid of what might happen if I met him there. I yearned to be with him, at least to look upon his face, but my conscience was in turmoil. He had come to me, yes...but I didn't want to feel so open and so vulnerable, not when I knew he was still engaged. Reika's voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Oh my God, he's beautiful..."

"Hm?" I followed her gaze straight ahead and my breath caught. _It was him_. And Reika was completely right, he was beautiful. Divine perfection. He wore a deep blue silk shirt open at the throat and black trousers held to his lean hips with a black leather belt. His silvery hair swung at his back as he walked...towards us.

The effect of the alcohol had dimmed my senses a little, so it took me a while to notice that he was not alone. At his arm was his infuriatingly beautiful fiancé, who wore a shimmering green halter dress that accentuated her womanly curves. The colour of the dress reflected the ugly feeling that rose inside me. I could never be that beautiful.

We kept walking on and I stupidly realized that he wasn't walking towards us, he was just going to pass us by. He gave no indication that he had seen me, but my eyes remained glued to him. I mean, who wouldn't stare? Just as they were going to pass us, Sesshoumaru's penetrating gaze locked onto mine, I couldn't look away. It was a hot, dark gaze filled with secrets and knowledge, making my heart quicken and my breath leave in short spurts. We kept eye contact until we passed each other and I refused to look behind me. It all seemed like a dream. I took a few deep breaths, forcing my legs to cooperate as I walked.

"Rin, are you alright? How much did you drink?" Asked Reika with concern. Yue was singing softly to herself between us. I shook my head.

"No, it wasn't...the drink." I said, my voice breathless. Understanding dawned on Reika's expression and she whipped her head around to look behind her. She turned to look back at me and wiggled her eyebrows.

"Ah, the Greek God. Fine specimen." She grinned. I hesitated, not sure whether I should tell her.

"Actually, that's him. That's the doctor."

Reika's eyes widened. "That's _your_ doctor?"

I nodded. Reika opened and closed her mouth.

"And...that woman was his fiancé?" She managed to say. I nodded again.

"Oh poor Rin...you don't have a chance." Yue slurred sympathetically, patting me on the arm.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi**

The night, so far had been a catastrophe and it was only going to get worse. Risa was picking up on his disdain, no matter how hard he tried to control himself. The few whiskies he'd drunk were not nearly enough to give him the respite he needed in order to deal with this harpy.

Sitting at the bar on a stool beside him, she had talked about her day whilst sipping a margarita, but her conversation dwindled as his silence grew more and more tangible.

"Ok Sesshoumaru I can see you're not in the mood to talk. Why don't we go to your apartment?" She asked, her sultry tone and intent not lost on him.

"That would be exceedingly foolish." He replied tonelessly, swallowing the rest of his whisky and setting the tumbler down on the bar. Risa let out a frustrated breath. She grabbed the hand that had released the empty tumbler.

"If you're not in the mood to talk, you're in the mood to fuck, no? That's how it has always been with us." She said in harsh tones, tightening her hold on him. Sesshoumaru turned his head and slowly raised his eyes to meet hers. His baritone was dangerously low when he spoke.

"No talking. No fucking."

Her faced flushed with anger and indignation. She released her hold on his hand as though burnt and her breathing grew heavy.

"So what are we going to do once we're married? Knit? Read to each other? Please, you know I have needs and if I recall correctly, so do you." She scoffed, regaining her composure and picking up her margarita for another sip. Sesshoumaru glared at the empty tumbler in front of him in a cold silence. Risa watched him. She set down her drink.

"...You're not going to go through with it, are you?" her voice was low and accusing. Sesshoumaru got to his feet and threw a wad of bills on the bar without bothering to count them. He reached out and grabbed Risa's arm in a firm grip and pulled her along despite her protests.

"What are you doing? Let go!" She hissed, trying to pry his fingers loose but it was a waste of time.

"We're going to do what you want. Talk."

He drove them to his apartment, ignoring Risa completely. She sat in a stony silence, but he knew that as soon as they got inside his place, she would let rip. And as soon as he opened the front door, he was proved right.

"What is the _matter_ with you?" She said with barely suppressed anger, dumping her purse on his black leather sofa. She stood a few feet away from him, placing her hands on her hips in that typical female fighting stance. He didn't answer, passing her and going to his bedroom to change. Thunder rumbled in the distance.

"Do you think you can just ignore me, Sesshoumaru? I have been _trying_ to make this work and you're making it frustratingly difficult by being an ice cold son of a bitch."

He pulled on some clothes randomly. He would need to be comfortable for this. He left his bedroom and made his way over to the black marble counter by the door where he had dropped his keys, leaning against it with a bored expression.

Risa was furious.

"I have been patient with you. I want this marriage to work, but it gets complicated when you won't even _touch_ me!" She hissed, her face colouring in anger.

"We're not married yet." Sesshoumaru pointed out coolly.

"I know we're not, but we will be!" She exploded. Sesshoumaru glared at her in silence. She faltered.

"You agreed to this. You know I love you..." She said, voice trembling.

"I don't feel anything for you Risa, I made that clear from the start." He replied with cruel bluntness. She winced as though he had slapped her. Her arms hung limply at her sides. She lowered her head and clenched her fists.

"You're a bastard, you know that?" She whispered. She raised her head, her cheeks flushed with rage. "A cold, unfeeling bastard."

Sesshoumaru said nothing.

"You won't touch me, you won't marry me...what is it? Is there someone else?" She asked with a humourless smile. She looked at him, scrutinized him for a reaction. There was none. This made her angrier than if there had been one.

"That's it, isn't it? You're fucking someone else! What was wrong with fucking me? Am I not good enough? Not hot enough? Not tight enough?" She yelled, her voice shrill.

Sesshoumaru's mouth turned downwards in disgust. Risa barrelled onward, her hair flopping into her face due to her exertions.

"Oh no, it's never enough for you. I'm more woman than you can handle yet you still can't stop yourself from putting your dick in some slut's-"

"That's enough, Risa." His voice was cold and unforgiving but she paid no heed, too far gone in her rage. She let out a cry of frustration and whipped around, grabbing the first thing she saw and heaving it in his direction.

_Smash!_

Sesshoumaru didn't even blink as a heavy, crystal ashtray he had never found a use for, whizzed past him a mere inches from the side of his head, crashing against the wall behind him and splintering into pieces.

He strolled to his drinks cabinet, accompanied by the sound of Risa's heavy breathing. He calmly poured himself a Scotch and took a sip, leaning one hip against the cabinet.

"My father will hear of this." She threatened in a dark tone. Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow.

"I'm sure he will."

Risa gave a strangled shout and looked around for something else to throw at him, but there was nothing heavy or fragile enough. She stuck to hurling insults instead, pointing a trembling finger at him. A crack of thunder sounded ominously, accompanied by the whoosh of heavy rain.

"If you think you will find a way to get out of this engagement, you are mistaken. If my father hears what a selfish prick you are and how you have cruelly mistreated me, he will _bury_ you, do you understand?"

Sesshoumaru took another sip of his scotch and watched her carefully.

"SAY SOMETHING DAMNIT!" She shrieked. "No wonder your mother died to get away from you, she gave birth to a fucking piece of STONE! Your father was right to drive you away you son of a bitch, he knew you had a fucking block of ice instead of a heart-"

Sesshoumaru had had enough. Gritting his teeth together he set down his glass with a bang, swiftly went to grab his jacket and keys, trying to block out Risa's high pitched shrieks that seemed to grow louder and more frantic as he reached the door.

"DON'T YOU DARE WALK OUT ON ME SESSHOUMARU, DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE!" She screamed. He slammed the door shut with uncharacteristic relish and started towards the elevator at a brisk pace. Risa's muffled shouts could still be heard.

"SESSHOUMARU! YOU AGREED TO THE MATCH DAMNIT! SESSHOUMARU!"

His breathing was agitated as he got into the elevator, and he fought to regain calm as it swooped downwards to the parking lot. That bitch. He had been called many things in his life, and they were mostly true, but he couldn't help feeling a spurt of white hot anger at the mention of his mother and father. She knew nothing about his past, and didn't deserve to. He knew he was making a huge mistake leaving her in his apartment where she could wreak havoc on his belongings but he didn't care. He wasn't going to go back tonight.

He got into his car, intent on going to the Hospital and calming himself with work. And there was a lot of work to do. He left the building, driving through the heavy rain and trying not to dwell on the consequences of tonight's argument. He would have to answer to Risa's father, he had no doubt about that. He knew he would be forced to stick to the original plan, but tonight had been a time to rebel, to make it clear that there were no feelings involved, that his plan was just a means to an end.

He parked at the General Hospital, but didn't leave his car. He sat back and propped his elbow against the door, placing his fingers on his lips as he thought. He was in no fit state to work. The alcohol he had drunk was still flowing through his blood, dulling his concentration slightly. He glanced at his watch and saw that it was 2AM. No, he didn't want to go to the hospital. It just reminded him of his 'duties' as a husband and son-in-law. The pitter patter of rain on the roof of his car lulled him, and he slid his hands into his jacket pockets, leaning back against the seat.

He felt a piece of paper in one of the pockets, and pulled it out. It had her name on it. He didn't need to read the address on it, he already had it memorized. He got out of his car and stood for a few minutes under the heavy rain, staring into the enveloping darkness of the night in the direction of the park. A walk would do him good.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi**

I couldn't sleep. I switched on my lamp and read the time on my alarm clock with a groan. It had just gone two in the morning. I thought the alcohol would knock me out along with the soothing sound of rain outside, but my brain had other ideas. I got out of bed and walked around my room, randomly touching things. I was wide awake and filled with thoughts of _him._

I picked at a bit of fluff on my nightie absently. Well, it wasn't exactly a nightie, it was a large white t-shirt I had dug out to sleep in because I had forgotten to do the stupid laundry and all my clothes were dirty. I sighed. Sleep was definitely eluding me, so I went to get a soothing book. I looked over at my mess of a bed and decided I didn't want to lie in it. The sheets were all over the place and I couldn't be bothered to fix it up. I pulled off the duvet and dragged it into the living room, dropping some pillows on top and arranging it into a cosy nest on the floor. I switched on my fake fireplace and waited until it began to glow. I burrowed under the makeshift den and propped myself up on my elbows to begin reading.

Oh I tried to read, I really did. The words just blurred and transformed into beautiful silver haired gods with hard bodies and soft lips. I threw the book aside and let my head drop forward onto the pillow. What was I going to do? How was it possible to love someone so much and stay alive while not being with them? I was finding it very hard to see the bright side of this situation.

Sesshoumaru possibly felt _something_, otherwise he never would have kissed me. But Yue, with her drunken wisdom, was right. I didn't stand a chance. Who could compete with his fiancé? She was perfect for him. I felt like a silly little girl compared to her. I sighed and turned my head, gaining a more comfy position on the pillow. Should I confess my feelings to him? Should I ask for something more? No, I couldn't, it wouldn't feel right to ask him such a thing, not when he was going to be bonded to another woman for life. Perhaps...it was time to let him go. It was the smartest thing to do, but my heart clenched painfully at the thought of never seeing him again.

An abrupt rap at the front door startled me out of my wits. My heart thumped loudly in my chest as I shot up from my spot on the floor. I had to be imagining things. Maybe a branch was dislodged in the rain and hit my door? I stood there breathing hard. I jumped as another knock sounded, this time more insistent. I began to panic. I grabbed the first thing I could find (which happened to be a cordless phone) and softly tiptoed to the front door.

Rapists? Thieves? Murderers? I needed to invest in a peep hole! I positioned myself behind the door so that I could heave it shut as quickly as possible if need be. I gripped the cordless phone in my hand tightly and unlocked everything, turning the knob slowly.

I opened the door and stiffened with shock. Sesshoumaru was standing there, soaked to the bone and leaning forward with his hands resting on the doorframe. His intense and unwavering amber gaze locked onto mine. My heart jumped to my throat and I opened my mouth. A squeak came out.

He looked...casual. And slightly out of breath. He wore a black v-neck sweater, dark jeans and a black leather jacket sprinkled with raindrops. I had never seen him dressed like that before...he looked sexy as hell. Droplets of water rolled off his nose and chin, and the dim light of my fireplace cast a subtle glow over his features, making him look achingly handsome. He slowly raised a hand and run it through his wet hair to get it out of his face, a gesture so sensual that I almost completely forgot where I was.

"You're soaked." I blurted out. Smooth. I gulped. I gradually became aware of what I was wearing. A white, overlarge t-shirt with nothing but a pair of white cotton panties underneath. His glittering amber gaze flickered downwards for a moment and I felt my face fill with heat.

"Um, why don't you come in, you can warm yourself. I have a fireplace. It's a fake one, but it's still a fireplace, even though..." I started to trail off, but he accepted my awkward invitation, lowering his head to enter. Gosh, he was so tall. I stood aside to let him in.

He was in my apartment. He was...in my apartment. It was surreal, he looked so out of place among my things. I closed the door and gazed at his back. His shoulders looked wonderfully broad in that leather jacket, his waist lean and his legs muscled in those wet jeans. And his butt, oh Lord, it was perfect.

Now, the question of the evening. What was he doing here?

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi**

It should have felt like a mistake, but it didn't. He should turn around and be on his way, let the girl get back to sleep and leave her alone, but he couldn't. He thought she wouldn't open the door, that she would be too afraid, but she wasn't. When she opened the door and he saw her, he stopped thinking. His blood, instead of pumping to his brain, pumped into something else, which was now causing him acute discomfort in the front of his jeans.

And with good reason. In the subtle glow of her apartment her skin took a rosy tinge. Her face was scrubbed clean of the makeup he had noticed hours ago when he passed her on the street. Her dark hair was tousled and tumbled down her back and over her shoulders, with loose tendrils curling around her breasts. He could see them through the sheer material of the nightshirt. The dark, rosy nipples had hardened and were peeking through the white fabric, making his hands twitch with the need to touch them. The shirt reached her thighs which were smooth and trim, and at the apex he noticed the shape of her panties, also white. His member pulsed painfully. She managed to form a totally seductive yet innocent image and rage havoc on his emotions. She looked natural, rumpled and earthy, her faint scent was warm and sweet, as if she had just left her bed. Which was most likely accurate.

She invited him in nervously, and he acquiesced, not wanting to be anywhere else that night. His blood pulsed hotly through his veins as he stepped inside. The place smelled like her, like lavender. He moved towards the sofa, which was facing the fireplace at the far end of the room. He noticed a pile of bedclothes on the floor between the sofa and fireplace, and a discarded book. She had not been sleeping when he had disturbed her. He heard a rustle of movement beside him as she sidled up.

"Sit down, make yourself comfortable. You can get your clothes dry here, the fireplace gets quite warm." She smiled. She was still nervous. He could see it in her large eyes. He sat down on the sofa and leaned back. She sat down on the nest of covers, a distance away, yet facing him in a way that would permit conversation. She pulled a blanket out of the tangle and wrapped it around herself, much to his chagrin, and tucked her feet under her. Small, dainty, delicate feet.

For a few minutes there was no sound except the steady beating of rain coming from outside. The only light available was the orange glow from the fireplace, making the setting more intimate and enclosed.

"I-I don't mean to pry...but, what are you doing here?" She asked, biting her lower lip as if that would stop her from saying more. He watched that lip hungrily but pulled himself together in an instant.

"My fiancé is at my apartment. There was a quarrel." Why was he telling her this?

"Oh. She's expecting you back?"

"I'm not going back." He replied bluntly. Her face flushed and she stayed silent. She looked down at her lap.

"It's convenient, this engagement." He didn't have to explain himself to her, so why was he? She looked up at him, slightly confused. His voice was low and controlled. "Her father approves the match. I have an agreement with him. It was sufficient, until..." He paused. Being alone with her was driving him insane. What was he to say, that everything in his life had followed a calculated path until he had met her? He longed to reach out and pull that damned blanket away from her body, kiss her senseless...

"I...understand. Though, I don't...I don't think you should be here. With me. Your fiancé, she's probably worried about you, you should go back to her, talk things over. People argue all the time, it's natural, you'll sort things out with her in an instant." She said, her tone sincere but her hands fidgety under the blanket. She lowered her eyes, as though frightened he would read something in them.

Sesshoumaru breathed deeply. He leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees and letting his gaze settle on her small, perfect face.

"I don't want her. I want you, Rin."

It was the first time he had ever said her name and her head lifted. Sesshoumaru's heartbeat quickened. She swallowed and looked back down at her lap.

"Don't...don't say that." She whispered. "Not unless you really mean it."

"I seldom say things I don't mean."

She kept her eyes lowered. Where was the chatty, bubbly Rin? She was being uncharacteristically quiet. He stood and went to her. He held out his hand. She looked at it, biting that lush bottom lip. After a moment she slid her small, warm palm into his and he gently, but firmly pulled her to her feet. He noticed her grip tighten on the blanket.

"Are you afraid of me?" He asked her, his deep voice husky. Rin met his gaze and gave him a tentative smile.

"No. Just...it feels like I'm dreaming."

He slid a hand around the nape of her neck, tangling his fingers in her rich, dark tresses. He lowered his head and brushed his lips against hers, feeling a surge of heat in his loins with the feathery soft contact. Her sweet scent enveloped him, preventing him from thinking about anything but the lush woman in front of him. He reached out and tugged the blanket from her grasp, feeling it slide to the floor, and he ran his tongue along her lower lip, hearing a small moan as she parted her lips and allowed him access. He explored her sweet mouth and touched her tongue with his, his body vibrating with heat and urgency as she tentatively sucked his tongue in a mild imitation of a more intimate act. He fought down a groan and let his hands roam over her body, reaching beneath her night shirt and smoothly sliding upwards to caress her breasts.

He had been right. They fit in his hands perfectly. She whimpered as he softly brushed his thumbs over her nipples, feeling them harden into perfect little buds. The warm, fleshy mounds molded themselves to his hands, and Rin moaned as he squeezed them.

"I've wanted to do this since the first day I saw you." He growled against her mouth, his voice thick and sexual. He withdrew his hands from beneath her shirt and slipped them over her bottom, feeling the perfect curve of the cheeks under the material. He pulled her against him, crushing her against his aroused and rigid member, stifling her gasp with his mouth. His kiss became rougher and more urgent, bruising her lips with his need, but she responded in kind, sucking at his lower lip and meeting his tongue with hers feverishly.

He scooped her up in his arms, never breaking the ardent kiss, and lay her down in the nest she had made. He straddled her and broke away to remove his jacket, and Rin seized the opportunity to explore the planes of his chest that were covered by the soft, damp wool of his sweater. Her small, delicate hands reached under and slid beneath the sweater, travelling over the muscles of his abdomen, feeling, exploring, caressing and making his blood boil. He pulled off his sweater and let her admire his toned, muscled torso. Her beautiful face was flushed and her hands trembled as she ran them over his heated skin. He gritted his teeth together and grabbed her wrists, pinning them over her head, making her breasts strain against the fabric of her shirt. His member pulsed, he wanted to drive himself inside her, sheath his erection in her moist warmth but he had to control himself. She seemed so innocent and he refused to act like a wild, primitive beast during this first time with her.

He leaned over and lightly nipped at a rose tipped breast with his teeth, making her gasp. She arched against him as he began to suckle her through the fabric. He released her wrists and placed his hands at her thighs, slowly pulling up the night shirt and revealing her body to him like a wrapped gift. He pulled the shirt over her head and threw it aside, sitting back to drink her in. She was perfect. Her milky white breasts were just the right size, bouncing with every slight movement. Her tiny waist could be spanned with his large hands, which he did, following the curve of her hips and the smoothness of her thighs. He settled himself to the side to explore her more fully, his fingers sliding into the waistband of her delectable white panties and pulling them down despite her protests. He leaned over and captured her lips in a hot kiss, discarding the panties and guiding his hand down to the juncture of her thighs by feel. Her hands reached up to cup his face and he felt them tremble with need and anticipation.

He felt her stiffen as his fingers caressed her innermost place, circling her nub slowly. He slid one finger inside her wet heat and smothered her gasp of surprise with his mouth. He rose to watch her face which was flushed and drawn into an expression of pleasure that made his blood pump faster. With his free hand he grabbed her chin and lifted her face to bare her throat where he placed hot, trailing kisses. His mouth travelled lower, drawing her nipples in and swirling his tongue around them. Rin whimpered and tangled her fingers in his silvery hair, pressing him closer. He released her nipple and planted moist kisses along her belly. He moved lower and Rin made a sound of confusion. He lifted his head and captured her heated gaze with his to reassure her. Without breaking eye contact, he placed his hands on her legs and pushed them into a raised position, then he gently parted her thighs. He lowered his head and placed his mouth on her most intimate part, flicking out his tongue and circling the hardened pink nub, making her cry out and arch her body. He plunged inside her, tasting her hot sweet flesh and penetrating her in a way that promised more pleasure to come.

"Se...Sesshoumaru...please." Her voice was strangled as she fought for breath. He lifted his head and sat back, admiring her primitive and provocative position. Her legs were wide open and inviting, her breasts heaved with her every breath and her face was tinged with pink from his ministrations. He lowered his hands to his belt, slowly undoing it. He unzipped his trousers and slid out of them, using controlled movements much like a predator. His erection sprung free, swollen and ready, and Rin's eyes widened as she realized that his size would have to be accommodated by her small body. He got rid of his clothes, tossing them to the side and then moving between her thighs to press his body down upon hers, careful not to crush her with his weight. The feel of her breasts against his chest was maddening and he fought for control.

Her hands began their shy exploration of his body, and as she slid them over the muscles of his back he bent his head and slanted his mouth over hers. He plunged his tongue, already sweetened with her essence, into the hot warmth of her mouth, and she made a mewling sound, digging her tiny nails into his back. He pulled himself up slightly and reached a hand down to steady his engorged member, guiding it to her heat. He began to push the swollen head inside, and he clenched his jaw at her overwhelming tightness. She writhed beneath him, her hands clenching his waist tightly. He withdrew his erection and pushed forward, sliding in another inch, and she gasped. He focused his amber gaze on her face.

"Am I hurting you?" He asked, his voice husky and deep. Her eyes flew to meet his and her eyebrows knotted.

"Yes. No. I don't know, just...please...Sesshoumaru." She breathed, her voice thick. He pushed himself in further, closing his eyes and breathing hard as he fought the urge to thrust inside and sheathe himself completely in her tightness. He came to a delicate barrier and he stopped. His eyes opened immediately.

"You've never done this before."

She shifted under him, an uncomfortable expression on her face. Why hadn't she told him? Though it wouldn't change anything, he was too hot and aroused and inside to stop, even if she wanted him to. He forced himself to stay still and not cause any friction that might take him over the edge of control.

"I told you my boyfriends never took me seriously and treated me like a child. I never got this far with any of them." She confessed, refusing to look at him. He grasped her chin and forced her to make eye contact. As he gazed into her chocolate depths he slowly pushed himself further inside her, his member straining against her maidenhead. She whimpered, but didn't break away from his eyes. With one firm thrust he broke through and sheathed himself at the hilt, grabbing her hands as she tried to push against his chest. She didn't cry out from pain, but he knew he had hurt her when her eyes squeezed shut and the tears seeped from the sides. He brushed away the moisture with his mouth and the gesture made her eyes flutter open. He held her gaze and very gradually began to move himself inside her, withdrawing and entering in a slow rhythm to accustom her body to his girth.

"Oh..." She breathed, panting a little as he penetrated her. Her eyes fluttered closed.

"No." He said sharply, making her immediately open them. He wanted to lose himself in her eyes as he took her. "Look at me."

She did, her gaze passionate and dark with heat. She wrapped her legs around his waist and feverishly ran her delicate hands over the taut muscles of his back and bottom, pressing him against her, wanting more. Biting back a groan, Sesshoumaru picked up his rhythm, feeling her hot tightness squeeze him, bringing him closer and closer to the brink. Her soft moans and gasps fuelled his lust and he thrust harder, his muscles burning and his whole being vibrating with the need to explode. He was so close...he watched her face, her heated cheeks and her eyes, still bright with tears. Her expression was one of wrenching pleasure and he found himself wanting to hear her and feel her as she burst.

Rin suddenly cried out his name and he felt her inner muscles quiver and then squeeze him, milking him with such a delicious pressure that he could hold back no longer. With a few hard, pumping thrusts he spilled his hot essence inside her and muffled a hoarse groan in the curve of her fragrant neck. He remained there, breathing in her sweet scent until the trembling muscles of his arms threatened to give out and he slowly eased himself to the side, bringing her with him without leaving the quivering heat of her body. For a few moments they simply caught their breath and shifted position so that their legs interlocked. The sound of the rain intermingled with that of their heaving breaths, and Sesshoumaru experienced a strange peace that had never before been present in his life. Feeling warm and drowsy, he closed his eyes and gathered Rin against him, hearing her breathing deepen as she slowly drifted off to sleep. He gently slid his sated member out of her moist heat, suppressing a groan. She made a small sound of protest but didn't awaken.

He felt himself drift off, knowing full well that he shouldn't stay here, that he should return to his apartment and plan what he would say to Risa's father when he would inevitably call. He opened his eyes and watched Rin as she slept. Her face took on a more child-like appearance in sleep and he recalled how truly innocent she had been. He was surprised to feel a swift rise of possessiveness as he become conscious of the fact that he was her first. He had made her irrevocably his, he had branded her with his body in a way that no other man in her life had. And she had let him.

He closed his eyes, succumbing to the delicious languor that slowly enveloped him. Come morning his cool, indifferent mask would settle in place, and he would continue with his strategies and routines. He would conduct the plans of his life as ruthlessly as business negotiations, and that was the way it should be. But for tonight, he thought, the last coherent thought he had before losing himself in the darkness, he wouldn't care. Tonight, he would stay with her.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi**

PHEW! What a chapter, eh? It's actually my first full lemon, so I hope it's alright. This chappie is longer than all the others, mostly because I just couldn't stop writing...and you guys deserve it for all I've put you through. I have no idea when I'll have the next chapter up of course, but hopefully this one will last you for a while!


	15. Chapter 14

Hi guys, again, sorry for the long wait but you know me! I prefer to have a good quality chapter posted instead of any old rubbish written in haste just to please. A special thanks to a certain reviewer and friend (one I made thanks to this story) who has been so supportive and sweet. I dedicate this chapter to her! You know who you are...

Thanks to all of you for your motivating reviews and of course, patience!

I have actually grown out of my obsession with Sesshoumaru (it's not completely gone, it just calmed down a lot), and the only reason I'm writing this is for you guys because you're amazing and you deserve it. Once this story is over, that's it for me! I might do a couple of oneshots and post fanart on dA though.

**Braving the Morning**

Sesshoumaru slept little. He spent most of the early morning hours in quiet contemplation whilst gazing at the ceiling. The deed had been done, a night spent with this girl that had seemed so insignificant at first, yet had pried her way into his mind until he was utterly bewitched. He had a fiancée fuming somewhere and plotting her revenge most probably, and here he was, on the floor of a small apartment with his limbs entangled with those of this raven-haired witch.

But he felt no regret. That was the most damning thing of all. Making love to Rin had meant to happen, but even though it hadn't felt like a mistake, it didn't justify a second time. He would allow this temporary lapse of control, then he would leave Rin to her own devices.

Rin. Such a simple, perfect name. Last night he had used it for the very first time and hearing it roll of his tongue had produced a subtle shift in his perspective of her. He slowly turned his head to one side to watch her. She slept on her side, facing him, a dim shaft of morning sunlight illuminated the contours of her body which was not quite covered by the tangled bed sheet.

Her face looked so fresh and innocent in sleep, her long lashes accenting her closed eyes and her soft breathing made her exposed breasts expand slightly. He paid attention to one particular breast, one that had a thin, silvery scar on the underside. He felt a sudden, inexplicable urge to trace that line that he himself put there, but he stopped his hands from realizing the gesture. Rin sighed in her sleep and a silky lock of hair fell forward, draping itself across her breasts. Sesshoumaru swallowed and wrenched his eyes away, ruthlessly controlling the urges that were wreaking havoc with this being. He slowly sat up, the blanket slipping down and pooling at this waist. He stared at the cold fireplace and run a hand through his long, silver hair. It was time to go.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi IiIiIiIiIiIi**

I suddenly woke to the sound of a shower running. I panicked for an instant, believing I had left the water on since yesterday but as I awoke properly I started to remember. Hot flashes of memories from last night entered my mind, along with a tingling soreness down below that reminded me of what exactly had happened. I sat up, pulling the blanket to my chest to cover myself. Sesshoumaru was not there, and I assumed he was in the shower, though I didn't remember ever telling him where to find my bathroom. My eyes widened as I thought of the current state of that bathroom. When was the last time I had cleaned out my medicine cupboard or replaced the towels?

I felt a dull throb in my...well, in my 'special place' and recalled the actions of last night, of Sesshoumaru's heated body upon and inside mine, thoughts that made my whole body flush and weaken. I also felt an acute embarrassment. He had seen me! He had undressed me, touched me and...licked me! In places that should never be shown. How was I supposed to look him in the eye today!? I put my face in my hands and felt the heat emanating from my cheeks. Goodness, and I had been so inexperienced, so untouched. I never imagined he would be the first man to ever...well, do that to me. How was I supposed to act now? The love I felt for him had inevitably multiplied in intensity and I was afraid of how he would react now that the sun had come up.

I lifted my head and stared at the jumble of his clothes on the floor. His clothes. I experienced an urge to lift them to my nose and breathe in their scent, but that would have been too weird. Though I'm not exactly known for my sanity!

I arranged the blanket around me and tried to stand. My legs were wobbly and my knees threatened to give way but I managed to stay up. I tripped slightly on the blanket but luckily no one was there to see. I rummaged around for my t-shirt and panties, finding them and hurriedly putting them on, wrapping the blanket around me to cover myself properly. Which was silly really, Sesshoumaru had already seen my...well, everything.

I heard the water being turned off and my heart leapt to my throat. I looked around frantically, wondering where to stand, where to sit, what to do or say when Sesshoumaru left that bathroom. I settled for the sofa and fidgeted, ignoring the flip-flop of my stomach. My hair! How was my hair? I quickly finger combed it and prayed it didn't look crazy.

There was a sound of my bathroom door opening and heavy footsteps approaching, I swallowed hard. He came into the living room, soaking wet and gorgeous, wearing nothing but one of my white towels loosely wrapped around his hips. I took a moment to drink in the sight of his beautiful, naked torso, rippling with muscle and sparkling with droplets of water. He stopped and watched me, and I met his amber gaze which was filled with something I couldn't decipher, but it disappeared in an instant. Apparently he thought I was still sleeping. Had he thought to leave without waking me?

"Good...good morning." I stammered, blushing and breaking eye contact to look down at my lap. I couldn't look him in the face, not after last night. My heart was thumping, my brain was fuzzy, my stomach was being an acrobat...how was it possible to feel so many things and not explode? I heard a rustling sound and lifted my eyes to see Sesshoumaru pulling on his black sweater. He was going to get dressed right in front of me!? I flushed and discreetly averted my gaze. I only dared to look again as I heard him zip up his jeans. Wasn't he going to say anything to me? My stomach twisted with anxiety. Was that it? He was just going to leave without a word? Was last night what he was after all this time? Aargh!

He strode to my untidy table, grabbed a pen and scribbled something on a piece of paper. He turned and came towards me. I caught a whiff of his clean, soapy scent and I wondered if he had used any of my lavender body wash. I looked up into his face.

His gaze was intimate and penetrating, flustering me. He handed me the piece of paper and I tried to read his writing but I wasn't really taking anything in at that moment. He must have sensed it because he spoke.

"We did not use protection, take this as soon as you can."

Ah. The morning after. I felt my face go tomato red and I nodded. All my words had disappeared, I didn't know what to say. They were falling over each other in my head but nothing seemed appropriate now. It was if the whole world had shifted, everything had changed between us and I was worried.

I cleared my throat and stood up abruptly to show him the door. I mean, I didn't really expect him to stay, he had made that clear! And what was a girl supposed to say in these situations...thank you? Had a lovely time? See you later?

There was of course, something I was dying to say, but I couldn't and wouldn't. Not now, probably not ever, and it was killing me inside. I love you Sesshoumaru, choose me...

Well...something positive must come out of it! It had to. It was impossible for me to think otherwise. And actually, this was something positive. Sesshoumaru had given me my first experience, and he had not been an animal about it. He had awakened my body to pleasure, though I was certain that my body would never accept any other man but him.

I opened the door and stepped aside to let him pass. Say something Rin! Don't let him go like this!

"Um, thank you for last night...it was...wonderful." Great job. Not.

I tried again, trying to ignore his expectant gaze as he stood in front of me, so tall and gorgeous and immaculate. "I've never done that before, you made it good for me. And thanks for the recommendation, you don't need to worry, I'll take care of it!" I smiled, waving the little piece of paper he had given me.

Will I see you again? Was it as good for you as it was for me? Those questions were burning in the back of my throat but I swallowed them down. Sesshoumaru merely nodded. Silent as always. I felt my heart squeeze painfully and my stomach drop like a stone. So, that's the way it was then.

He turned and took a step outside my apartment and I was reluctantly beginning to shut the door, but he seemed to pause for a moment. He swivelled around and in two seconds he was grasping the back of my head and pushing me forward to place a hard, hot kiss on my lips. He let go abruptly, his eyes heated and turbulent.

"I will see you again."

And with that, he left. I followed his retreating back (that gorgeous, muscled back) with my gaze until he had turned to descend the stairs and was lost from sight, then I shut the door and collapsed against it, heart pounding and cheeks burning as though with fever. That wasn't any old goodbye kiss, that was a kiss with promise. My knees felt weak and wobbly, my breathing was laboured but I fought for control and made my way to the bathroom to have a soothing shower.

I undressed, and noticed a dark stain on my once-white panties. Blood. Embarrassment rushed through me as I imagined how surprised Sesshoumaru must have been to discover that I had been untouched. I hadn't been able to tell him that in our previous conversations...it was too private! And I never thought our 'relationship' or whatever it was would ever come to...well, this.

I threw the panties into the farthest corner of the bathroom and stepped into the stall, revelling in the fact the Sesshoumaru had showered in that very spot, naked and glorious. As the hot water cascade over me and soothed me, I worried about my future and of his.

What was going to happen now?

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi IiIiIiIiIiIi**

Rin.

Rin. The name was so short, so sweet and so perfect, he didn't know why he hadn't used it before. It was dangerous, that's why. He had gone past the point of no return simply by uttering her name.

As Sesshoumaru walked to the hospital where he had parked his car, ignoring the light drizzle of the early morning, he attempted to control his innermost sensations. He was feeling utterly fulfilled, an experience that was brand new to him. When had he ever experienced fulfilment? Not when he first began to practice as a surgeon, not during his 'proposal' to Risa. Nothing he had ever gained brought him that kind of satisfaction. So why was he experiencing it with Rin?

There was a calm in him that he hadn't ever felt before, yet it seemed much like the calm before the storm. He was fulfilled for the moment, yes, but not victorious or triumphant. He had made love to Rin in a way he had never made love with anyone in his entire life, but that didn't mean he had won or gained anything. This just meant that now he had more to lose.

He was perfectly aware that what he had with Rin couldn't continue. In fact, last night shouldn't have happened at all. He should have exercised more restraint on his urges, but he was Sesshoumaru after all, he wouldn't justify his actions. They were performed with cool purpose. Only last night he hadn't exactly felt particularly cool. Hot yes, aroused, feverish, hard...and many other warm sensations.

No, it couldn't last. He had other obligations and those required a certain marriage to a certain bitch whose father would close the doors in every hospital all over Japan in Sesshoumaru's face if he failed to comply. He would never allow that kind of risk of humiliation. If things were different, if he were at the helm of his father's company, situations would not have turned out quite so...desperate. His mother's memory was one of the few things that kept him in medicine. She was a surgeon who had died because no one had been able to treat her, and he had sworn to find a way to vanquish that dreaded disease. One day breast cancer would die.

He approached the hospital parking lot and got into his car. As he drove to his apartment he began to wonder in what state Risa had left it. He knew that Risa was smart, she would not mindlessly trash his place, not if she still wanted him to marry her. She was well aware that at the slightest provocation, he would coldly procure retaliation in a subtle yet effective manner.

He was right, of course. His apartment was just as he left it, except for the smashed ash tray on the floor. He changed out of his clothes and put on fresh ones, then he set out for the hospital again. It was eight in the morning and he had to prep for surgery in less than an hour. All turbulent, erotic thoughts needed to be out of his mind by then, otherwise he wouldn't be able to focus. He had to be cold, restrained and unfeeling in his O.R, that was the way of it, or his patients would die.

He arrived with just enough time to fully scrub in and check over every single implement, monitor and detail to ensure everything was in order. He put Rin firmly out of his mind and concentrated on the task ahead. He would decide later on what to do with her.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi IiIiIiIiIiIi**

Oh dear, this wasn't going to be a very peaceful weekend. My mind was already going nuts on me with all those heated flashes of memory showing bare skin, silver hair and glowing muscles...

Gah! That's enough, Rin!

It was obvious I wouldn't be able to think clearly today. My stomach was in knots and I couldn't even distract myself with work. I wondered what Sesshoumaru was doing, what he was thinking...did that man feel? Otherwise I would have wondered what he was feeling as well.

I didn't really know what to feel. Part of me was ecstatic that he desired me at all, that he had given me one of the most amazing, amazing experiences of my life. But another part of me was guilty, I had spent the night with someone who was about to marry another woman. What would she do if she found out about me? I had no idea what this lady was like, only that she was just as beautiful as Sesshoumaru, though, in my opinion, slightly more glacial. Was she the jealous type? Did she even care that he was seeing someone on the side?

Seeing someone on the side...I didn't want to be that kind of someone. The very thought of being 'the other woman' gave me an unpleasant feeling that squeezed my insides. No, Rin! Don't think of these things! Focus on the bright side, you lived a marvellous experience with the man you loved last night, and that should be enough.

But it would never be enough, Sesshoumaru had initiated me and without him I felt sort of...lost. I don't think I would have the courage to seduce or attract another man. I mean, after his wedding I would inevitably have to move on, right? That thought made me feel utterly miserable. So miserable that tears pooled and my heart clenched. But I wouldn't cry! I couldn't. What if he broke off his engagement? He said he had quarrelled with his fiancée, what's to say they wouldn't separate? He wasn't exactly overly attached to her, last night proved that he wasn't.

Bah, my mind continued to repeat these thoughts over and over relentlessly. There was only one thing for it. I had to get out of my apartment. I thought about my aunt Kumiko, and cheered up at the prospect of paying her a visit. She was the only family I had and I knew that I sorely need some advice in matters of the heart.

I got dressed and went out, savouring the cool, cloudy day. I decided to take the bus over to her place, I didn't want to have too much time to think if I took a leisurely walk. I just made a quick trip to the pharmacy for a certain preventive drug before reaching the bus stop.

She was surprised to see me, though not displeased. I was her only niece after all, and any sort of visit was welcome. She invited me in and I once again experienced that calming feeling as I stepped back into the home that had been mine for most of my life. She was looking well, content. She had definitely recovered from her anxiety ever since my successful operation...but I wouldn't think of that, doing so would inevitably bring around thoughts of a certain someone.

"Tea?"

I jumped slightly as her voice entered my fuzzy brain. "Oh! Yes please auntie." I smiled.

She looked at me strangely but then smiled back, heading off to prepare the refreshment. She returned moments later with a steaming tray. Green tea, ugh. My aunt always preferred her tea sugar-free and bitter, I liked mine extremely sweet.

"So, Rin, how are you doing? Is your scar gone? How's work?" Aunt Kumiko inquired, settling down beside me on the comfy sofa and cradling her cup of tea.

So I chatted back. It was such a relief to be able to talk normally again without worrying what someone would think or answer back. I spoke of my success with the clients, of Yue and Reika, of my good health. I spoke of everything except him. I couldn't even bring it up in conversation. Aunt Kumiko just nodded and sipped and smiled occasionally, as she always did when I nattered on.

"And have you found a nice young man yet?"

I almost choked on my tea which I had unfortunately decided to sip at that moment. "Wh-what? I..no, he's not a-what?" I spluttered, feeling my face go red. Aunt Kumiko frowned.

"It was just a question Rin, my goodness, I always ask it but you've never reacted this way before. Are you all right?" She asked, concern lining her voice.

I lowered my cup and stared at it, as if I would somehow find the answer to all my problems in the steaming green liquid. But my aunt Kumiko sensed what it was, she had raised me after all and knew my ways.

"Ah, there's someone I see."

I nodded, then sighed. "There is, but you would never approve, auntie. He's everything to me but I'm not sure he...well, I don't know if I'm...well, it's complicated." I finished lamely. I gave a fleeting glance at my aunt to see her reaction. She had her head inclined to one side and sported a confused expression. I smiled.

"I know it's difficult to understand-" I began, but she was shaking her head.

"There's nothing to understand, if two people are in love, they should be together. Nothing complicated about that."

My smile turned rueful. "I wish it were that simple."

"It is." She said firmly. Seeing that I couldn't argue with that, and I didn't really want to argue with her anyway, I just nodded and sipped my tea. She changed the subject to TV programs and we chatted about that instead, a welcome relief.

She didn't understand that I loved Sesshoumaru so much it hurt, that his voice made my heart beat faster, that his touch moved the deepest parts of my soul. But that was just me, I didn't know if he was even the slightest bit affected. Of course, he seemed affected last night, but I supposed all men got like that when their minds became clouded with lust, not that I had much experience on the matter. I just didn't believe Sesshoumaru was that kind of man. He was a man who did things with purpose, but I was afraid of what his exact purpose was. I wanted to find out if he had feelings for me, but at the same time I was scared of the truth.

I stayed with my aunt for almost two hours and I took my leave. She gave me a big hug and let me know, as always, that I was welcome to visit any time I wished. I was genuinely grateful for her love and concern, those were the surest things I had in my life at the moment.

I walked to the bus stop, feeling a little pensive. My aunt thought love was so simple, but she was unmarried and had no prospects. How was she so sure? Love was never simple, it was complicated and wonderful. And there was no simple solution to my problem as far as I could tell. I sighed aloud.

I glanced at my watch, seeing it was already close to six in the evening and wondered what I would occupy myself with once I got home. The thought barely crossed my mind when a familiar, sleek black Porsche slid up in front of me. The passenger door was pushed open and a recognizable set of glittering amber eyes pierced me from the darkened inside.

"Rin, get in."

Maybe it was as simple as aunt Kumiko said after all.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi IiIiIiIiIiIi**

Sesshoumaru was done for the day and it wasn't even dark yet. He rinsed the iodine off his arms, discarded his scrubs and put on his white lab coat, then made his way to his office. He hadn't been there all day and paperwork was accumulating that needed to be dealt with and properly filed. He tied his long hair back and reached his door, realizing it was ajar. Only one person he could think of could be inside. He pushed it open.

"You didn't come home last night. Where were you?" Came a carefully nonchalant voice. Risa was sitting at his desk, on his chair, staring at him with accusing eyes. He gave her a supremely unconcerned look and stepped into his office, shutting the door behind him and leaning against it.

"It is my business whether I decide to spent the night at my apartment or elsewhere." His voice was brusque and cold. Risa raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms, causing her large breasts to bulge at the seams of her lab coat. He was not the slightest bit distracted. He was marble.

"Of course. Your business." She said, scorn evident in her tone. "Just as fucking some little slut is also your business."

He gave her nothing but a stony silence which she accepted as a confirmation. She scoffed and stood up, moving closer to him until they were a mere inches apart.

"I know that's why you haven't been touching me, and why you failed to spend the night at your place. I was there all night, just to be sure. It's obvious you're sticking your prick elsewhere. I may not know who she is, but I have already mentioned my suspicions to father and he wishes to remind you of our agreement tomorrow afternoon. So think carefully, Sesshoumaru. Watch where you're treading. I know you're an intelligent man, as well as ambitious, and if you're loyal to me and to my father, you can expect great rewards. So you better start calling up your little tramp and telling her goodbye."

Sesshoumaru gave a look of utmost disdain. She was bringing out the big guns to get what she wanted, and the mere thought of him dallying with someone other than her had made her feel unbelievably threatened. She was a woman with almost everything she could ever ask for, looks, status, power...and she couldn't bear being second rate to him. That didn't justify her actions though. He was not some pawn she could move at her whim.

He lowered his head until the tips of their noses almost touched. "I will speak with your father." He told her in a dangerously low voice laced with icy menace. "I will comply with the agreement."

Her lips curled up in a triumphant smile.

"But..." he said, in the same tone of voice, making her smile falter. "Do not expect happiness. Or progeny. You will suffer in this union. I will make sure of it. You disgust me." He ended , his voice almost a growl.

He stepped aside abruptly and opened the door to let her leave. She grabbed the door, her face contorted with fury and she slammed it as hard as she could. Sesshoumaru stood there, silent and hard as stone.

There was his decision. It had been made for him. He had to let Rin go.

Not half an hour later he was in his car, on his way home with a backseat filled with paperwork. He preferred to do it at his apartment instead of at the hospital where Risa lurked at every corner with her threats and her childish vendettas.

It seemed that the decision had been ready made for him, but he was not satisfied. There was a painful tug in his chest whenever he thought about leaving Rin to her own devices. He didn't want to admit it, but he cared for her and enjoyed her ripe, lush body. She was still so innocent and he felt a certain responsibility for her. But at the same time he knew that he had to abandon her. She didn't deserve to be tied to him when he married, to be his mistress or lover. He had to deal with his own cruel fate, and though abandoning Rin would also be cruel, she would have to accept it and move on. It would be crueller to continue the facade.

As he drove on, he caught a glimpse of a lone young woman waiting at the bus stop a distance away. He ignored the pumping of his heart, which seemed to recognize her before his eyes did. She looked exquisitely sweet and forlorn, lost in her own thoughts. Were her thoughts of him and the moments they had shared from the previous night? Heat shot through his groin and he felt himself grow hard. Those memories that he had firmly ensconced in a corner of his mind had filled him once again and he began to feel the urge have its way with his body. It was a new sensation, to want with such ferocity. He had thought himself fulfilled, but it seemed that his body had simply been waiting for another opportunity of erotic satisfaction that only she could provide. It was a real shame that such passionate encounters would have to end so soon after they began.

He slowed to a stop before her. She watched the care warily as if it would bite her and he threw open the door before she could turn away.

He would meet with Risa's father tomorrow, he would complete his contract. But for now, his body asked for one more night, one last time.

"Rin." He said, his voice lower than usual, "Get in."

One last night with her, and then he would say goodbye.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi IiIiIiIiIiIi**

The plot thickens! Just a few more chapters to go before the end, *sniff*. I hope to have the next chapter up soon, I've already planned it all out so it shouldn't be too long a wait. Thanks for reading guys!


	16. Chapter 15

Hi guys! How is this New Year treating you? Guess what my resolution is? Yep, finishing this story. Don't worry, there's not long to go, just a few more chapters left.

Thank you all so much for your reviews and support, I read every single message and appreciate the feedback you've all given me. I know I take long to update, but I promised to finish this story and I will.

Now, concerning this chapter...BE WARNED, it is mostly citrus! Enjoy.

**When all is Said and Done**

Sesshoumaru was unable to explain his actions. As he sat in his car with Rin beside him, his hands firmly gripping the wheel, he tried to make sense of the decisions he had just made. They hadn't been made with a cool head, he was certain of that. But he couldn't acknowledge ever making a choice based on anything other than cold calculation.

Rin was fidgeting and making attempts to converse with him, as her way of coping. He had gotten to know her so well in such a short time, simply by observing the details and the small things. If it were someone other than Rin, he wouldn't have cared about subtle nuances in behaviour. But Rin...she was so provocative, just sitting there chatting nervously and looking flustered. It made him think back on the previous night they had together, such an exquisite night and full of acute pleasure. Just recalling it caused Sesshoumaru to shift his position in order to relieve the discomfort of his rapidly hardening member.

He pulled up to the parking lot of his apartment building and heard an audible gulp from Rin. It was an impressive, imposing place and she likely had never been anywhere near something as grand as this all-glass construction that shimmered in the fading light. The porter opened the doors to let them in and Sesshoumaru smoothly parked his car. Rin got out and waited for him to do the same and his heart started to thump with anticipation. He tamped down the urge to take her right there and then and he forced himself to act cool and controlled as he led her to the elevator. It was a while until they reached his floor, and they shared a tense silence that was filled with the pressing of expectation. They both knew what would happen once the front door closed behind them.

On the way up, Sesshoumaru ruthlessly discarded all thoughts of Risa, her father, his duties and everything that had nothing to do with Rin and this last moment with her. He was well aware that after this, he would have to tell her that these lust-filled liaisons would end and that he would be married. Married to an infantile, sex-crazed and manipulative bitch, but married all the same. His chest felt tight, but whether it was from guilt or desire, he refused to tell.

The elevator door opened and he led the way to his apartment, feeling the warmth of Rin's body as she walked beside him. He opened the door and let her pass, noticing her faint look of awe as she gazed at the ceiling to floor windows that held the sight of a twinkling Tokyo beyond. With a firm hand at her petite waist, Sesshoumaru guided her to his immaculate bedroom and the impressive king-size bed that awaited. It would be the first and last time he would make love to her on a bed and this one was more than perfect. Sesshoumaru wasn't one to flaunt his possessions, but he was by no means modest, and he knew quality.

Rin was tense, he was aware of that. His previous night with her had proved to be a first for him as well...he had never before made love to a woman with tenderness. It was also the first time he had ever de-flowered someone. Thus, he had to proceed with caution. Despite the primitive urge to ravage her and make her scream his name, he knew he had to relax her and coax her into opening for him. He moved to stand behind her, subtly pressing his aroused body against hers and felt a slight tremor pass through her being. He bent his head to the side of her neck and placed a hot kiss below her ear.

"Shower." He whispered huskily. She turned her head and gazed at him with wide eyes, looking deliciously innocent still, despite having her virginity taken from her the night before.

He removed his jacket and let it fall, leading by example as he passed Rin and made his way to his impeccably designed bathroom which adjoined to the bedroom, making it conveniently close. He heard a rustle of movement behind him and the plop of an item of clothing on the floor as she followed his lead.

He was shirtless by the time he reached the glass-encompassed shower stall and turned on the water. The large, tiled room began to fill with steam. He looked behind him and his amber gaze locked onto a soft brown one. Rin was down to her underwear, a matching set of purple lace bra and panties that made his member stiffen even more, if that were possible. She shyly sidled up to him, her hands outstretched and she touched him gently, tracing the muscles of his chest and abdomen, now glowing from the steam that swirled around them. The fluttering sensation caused by the contact of her fingertips on his skin caused a surge of lust to rise within him, and he felt he would explode when her small hands began to undo his leather belt. She pulled it out of his trousers and slowly started to unzip him, kneeling before him in an ancient position of worship. His hands clenched and unclenched at his sides before finally settling on tangling themselves in the dark, silky cascade of her tresses. She pulled down his trousers and released his full, straining erection that now hovered mere inches from her face.

Sesshoumaru fixed his gaze upon this earthy, arousing image. A ripe, lush nymph kneeling before him, seemingly innocent yet touched by curiosity of the male form. Doe-brown eyes locked with his, she tentatively brought her hand up to caress his manhood, while his fingers tightened in her raven locks and a groan was strangled in his throat. When she gently and uncertainly licked the engorged head he felt his heart drum in his chest and he firmly pulled her up, bringing her against his chest and capturing her lips with his in hot possession. Without breaking the kiss, he unclasped her bra and let it fall to the floor, reaching between them and holding her perfect, bare breasts in his hands where they were meant to be. He felt her mouth open in a whimper as he squeezed them, reminding himself to be gentle and not frighten her. Pulling himself from her sweet lips, he knelt down and slowly slid her panties down over her thighs and then over her calves, then reached up and caressed her most intimate place with his fingers, finding she was ready for him.

They stepped into the shower stall and under the warm, running water, feeling the sensual bliss of the droplets rolling off their bodies, heightening their desire. Sesshoumaru guided Rin to the front of the stall directly under the shower head and pressed her against the wall. She gasped at the contact of the cold tiles against her back and bottom but was silenced by his demanding kiss. His tongue entered her mouth and she responded, sucking on it gently and intertwining her own tongue with his. He broke away long enough to squeeze some shower gel onto his palms, then retake her mouth and slide his soapy hands over her naked breasts, gliding down her waist and belly, then back up again. He pulled her against his hot, rigid erection and with his slick, lathered palms, he travelled down the small of her back and arrived at her bottom, grasping her buttocks and pressing her to him. The feel of her moist regions against his hard arousal was proving to be too much for Sesshoumaru and he felt the last of his control slip away. He watched Rin under the cascade of water between them and took in her flushed face and swollen lips. Her lashes were clinging together with droplets of moisture and her dark hair was sleek and shiny, coiling around her pert breasts. She took advantage of his momentary pause to do some pressing and groping of her own, digging her fingers into the toned muscles of his back and planting feverish kisses along his collarbone. Sesshoumaru leaned his head back, exposing his throat to her lips and she complied, boldly nipping and licking him there. She was getting more confident with him.

Lowering his head and running his hand through his wet hair to take it out of his eyes, Sesshoumaru clenched his teeth against the impact of new lust and another awareness he could not place as he looked at her. With a swift and decisive motion he separated her legs with one knee and grabbed the backs of her thighs, lifting her up against the tiled wall and onto his throbbing erection. The muscles in his arms bunched with exertion as he gently lowered her onto the swollen head of his member as it strained to enter her. He closed his eyes, guiding himself by sensation and sound, hearing her soft, maddening pants as he penetrated her inch by inch.

With one slick thrust he was sheathed to the hilt and he felt her stiffen at the intrusion, then relax. He himself stifled a groan at the hot, pressing warmth of her body. She buried her face in the side of his neck and he felt a gentle nip of her teeth, which he took as a sign to continue. He slowly began to pump in and out, revelling in the tightness of her sheath and the pressure of her thighs around his waist. He was completely engulfed by her and a hot surge of possession rose inside him, causing his thrusts to adjust to a more rapid rhythm. Rin began to moan, tightening her hold around him and meeting his thrusts, being more responsive now that she was no longer encumbered by a painful maidenhead. Their bodies were sliding wetly against each other, aided and surrounded by the hot water and steam.

She was getting closer to her release and she called out his name as she finally climaxed, her inner muscles squeezing and clenching. His pleasure came in an unexpected burst of white hot sensation and his essence shot forth in spurts, welcomed by her quivering womb. He let out a groan through clenched teeth, feeling his seemingly unending climax ebb into a delicious heaviness. He slowly let Rin down, allowing her to place her feet onto the tiled shower floor. Tremors passed through the both of them, tiny aftershocks to remind them of their pleasure. Sesshoumaru shielded her from the running water, and waited for his breath and heart beat to slow as he stood pressed against the wall with Rin cradled against his chest, the both of them still joined. He then pulled his sated member out from her, inciting a soft moan from Rin at the loss.

Once he had recovered his composure, Sesshoumaru rinsed himself and allowed Rin to do the same. He stepped out of the stall, feeling a slight burn in the muscles of his thighs from his previous efforts. He gracefully plucked two steel-grey towels from hooks on the wall and handed one to Rin who was shakily making her way out of the glass shower. Sesshoumaru experienced a brief sense of primitive, masculine pride at his own prowess upon observing how gingerly Rin was moving.

He dabbed the water off his face, torso and lower regions, then he wrapped the towel loosely around his hips. Rin was snugly surrounded by her own towel, her sense of modesty returning now that they were leaving the suffocating heat of the bathroom. Her porcelain skin was flushed and clean, only her face was visible from atop of the towel which was wrapped tightly around her shoulders.

It was incredible how child-like she looked even after being ravished. Sesshoumaru forced back the tides of his emotions, though it was getting more difficult to do so every time. Being with Rin caused his ice-cold demeanour to slip away and besides, with her he required no indifferent mask or defence. She was Rin. His Rin. Once again his chest tightened but his face betrayed nothing. He looked at Rin and found her gazing up at him with an indescribable expression. He felt the heat pool in his loins and the mere effort of not taking her like an animal demanded every ounce of self-control he possessed. Instead, he held out his hand and waited for her to slip her much smaller one into it. With slow, purposeful movements, he pulled her into his darkened room and led her to his bed.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiI**

My heart was pounding, my legs were shaky, my breath was leaving me in short spurts and my brain was going crazy. How had I let it come to this? What was I even doing here? Why did I get into that car? I didn't regret all of it, heavens no, I was just so overwhelmed and happy and confused all at the same time that my thoughts had long since stopped being anywhere near coherent.

His apartment...gosh, it was so like him, all impersonal and clean and masculine. The view from the windows was absolutely stunning...and the view inside the shower stall even more so. Dear God, he was perfect. I could still feel his soapy hands sliding over my body and I shivered. The movement caught his eye and he captured my gaze with his. His eyes were so intense and penetrating, I had a hard time looking away...not that I wanted to.

He moved like a large cat, like a predator...and I was doing a wonderful job of being the captured, helpless prey. He led me to his enormous bed and I wondered for a fleeting moment whether he and his fiancé had ever been in this bed together but I shook it out of my head, not wanting to imagine it.

This was my second time with him and I felt clumsy, naive and unwomanly. They don't exactly teach you this kind of thing in Sex Ed at school! I wished I had more experience to help me, and I wished Sesshoumaru would say something, he was being infuriatingly silent as usual and I had no way of gouging his feelings, but if his satisfaction could be measured with pleasure, I could say that he was not unhappy!

He turned and allowed me an unhindered view of his profile. I felt my heart swell with love and longing, despite having shared my body with him just moments before. I couldn't stop looking at him or loving him, and I felt a jabbing pain at the thought of possibly losing him. I knew that what we were doing wasn't right but I had ceased to care, I focused only on the positive side and thanked the stars that I was living this experience.

We were by his bed and he gently tugged at my towel. I let it fall to my feet. My skin was sensitive still and I felt the hairs on my arms rise as the cool air of the room hit my body. Sesshoumaru was absolutely motionless, roaming over me with his glittering gaze. My face and loins filled with heat at his scrutiny, wondering how my body must look to him. I forced my arms to stay at my sides instead of instinctually rising up to cover myself. His eyes met mine and he gracefully removed his own towel. I couldn't help myself and looked down, staring at his now enlarged member which was ready and waiting.

I was still a bit sore but I felt the excitement and anticipation rush through me nevertheless. His lips descended on mine, a kiss that was tender and slow this time now that the tension from previous moments had been released. With a slight pressure of his hands on my shoulders he manoeuvred me onto the large bed and we settled in the centre of it. The cool silk sheets felt wonderful against my skin and the warm, heavy weight of him upon me even more so.

My hands had a mind of their own as they freely caressed his hard body. It was unbelievable how he was mine, even if it was just for this moment. Me, Rin...ordinary Rin being ravished by this beautiful man! A man who had plagued my thoughts and dreams for such a long time.

He broke the kiss and moved down to capture my nipples with his mouth. My fingers tangled themselves in his damp, silvery hair and my eyes closed of their own accord as his hot tongue swirled around the hardened buds and his teeth nipped at them, causing fleeting pain but not so much to diminish the pleasure. I let out a small sigh and he moved to the other breast, the one he had placed the scar on. He traced the underside where the scar was with his tongue and I knew then that he had been affected by our first meeting in his office, despite not showing it or saying anything. After he had finished his ministrations on that breast, he moved lower, making me gasp with surprise as he gave my 'special place' a long sweep of his tongue. My head shot up and I caught his turbulent stare, one that seemed to tell me to stay put and keep quiet.

I grasped the sheets with my fists, trying not to whimper as he kissed and licked the place I barely touched myself. It would have been too embarrassing for me, had it not felt so very good. The heat grew in my lower belly and I felt my body tighten, like a spring ready to be released. He stopped abruptly and I felt a sudden loss causing my eyes to fill with moisture inexplicably. I wriggled to a sitting position and faced him, determined to give him some pleasure back despite not knowing exactly how.

"I want...tell me how to..." I began, feeling so shy and silly just sitting there naked in front of him. Sesshoumaru was sitting before me, his expression inscrutable but he waited for me to continue.

I took a deep breath. "I want to...please you. But I don't know how..." I finished rather lamely. Stupid Rin! How am I supposed to be womanly if I can't even tell him what I want? I flushed, adding to the naive effect which I must have been providing.

"You do please me."

His deep baritone came as a surprise after not hearing him speak since before the shower and I looked up. He moved to the head of the bed and positioned himself into a sensual slouch using elegant movements, propping his back with pillows and leaving me with a heart-stopping, breathtaking view of his taut, muscled body. He watched me like a panther about to pounce.

"Come here."

I swallowed and crept nearer, feeling the heat radiate from his body as I approached him. I settled beside him in a kneeling position, unsure of what he wanted me to do. He leaned over and grasped me around the waist, lifting me effortlessly onto his searing hot flesh. It was still such a novel experience to feel him against me and I bit my lip to stop myself from blurting anything out. His hands left my waist and he looked into my eyes, his amber irises suffused with desire.

"Ride me."

My heart gave a loud thump in my chest. I looked down at myself, straddled across him, not yet joined. I had never felt so uncertain about something in my life! I was not the sort to read about or watch the intimacies of this act, I covered my eyes when actors got too heated in films for heaven's sake! I wriggled experimentally and Sesshoumaru closed his eyes in a slight frown. Was I doing it wrong? I took a deep breath and lifted myself up on my knees. His eyes flickered open and he reached down to take his stiff manhood and raised it slightly. I took this as my cue and ever so gradually lowered myself down. It hurt, that first try. His member pressed against my sore place and pushed inside. I lowered myself a bit more and he aided the process by lifting his hips so that he was completely sheathed. I gasped at the entry and threw my hands out upon Sesshoumaru's chest to gain some balance. I stayed still for a moment, just getting used to the feeling of his hot flesh inside me.

As though impatient to begin, Sesshoumaru rotated his hips in a sensual grind that helped my attention snap back to where it was supposed to be. Liquid heat gathered in my belly and it just seemed natural to rotate my hips along with his to deepen the sensation. Sesshoumaru let out a low, satisfied hum deep in his throat and leaned his head back slightly, closing his eyes.

I gingerly began to move up and down, as if riding a horse, and after a few seconds, Sesshoumaru's hands were again at my waist, aiding me. Which was a relief because this sort of exercise was making my thighs burn and ache! This didn't stop me from feeling my body tighten again with pleasure. I let out a few moans and whimpers, unable to prevent myself...it just felt too good.

With hazy vision I watched Sesshoumaru, his eyes closed and hips rising to meet mine with each movement. The rhythm picked up and I found myself nearing that place where only bright light and pulsating waves of pleasure resided. All of a sudden Sesshoumaru thrust deeply and gave a hoarse cry, gripping my hips tightly and pulling me down hard. The motion hit something profound inside me and I exploded, seeing nothing but stars and bright sparkling lights, my body being overcome by the tides of bliss. I collapsed onto his chest and lay there, panting and slick with sweat, trembling from the electric pulses that continued to flow through me.

"Rin..."

With great effort I lifted my head and Sesshoumaru covered my mouth with his. This kiss felt possessive, much like a brand. To me, it was the perfect conclusion to a perfect experience. I wanted to be branded by him, possessed by him. Loved by him.

I don't know when he slid out of me, or who pulled the sheets over us...all I know was that I was slipping into unconsciousness, with Sesshoumaru settling behind me, the backs of my legs touching his strong thighs and a delicious feeling of fulfilment still lingering over me. I was completely and utterly content.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiI**

He couldn't sleep this time.

How could he? Come morning he would inevitably have to consider telling Rin that this would be no more. He stared up at his ceiling, and upon hearing a muffled sigh, he turned his head and looked at the nymph sharing his bed. She was on her side, turned away from him. Her soft hair brushed against his face and he lifted a hand to move the strands away. He couldn't help feeling the need to protect her, even from himself. He had told himself in the past that they would both behave like adults and take mutual pleasure from each other before parting without resentment. Now, despite not wanting to accept it, it didn't seem as easy as that. He was Sesshoumaru, if necessary he could turn cold and ruthless in the blink of an eye...but Rin was so trusting, so pure. She would have a harder time at resigning herself to the task of forgetting him.

He closed his eyes and when he opened them next, early morning light was trickling into his bedroom. He turned to observe Rin, seeing the contrast of their mingled locks upon the pillows, dark against silver. She had flipped onto her stomach sometime in the night and had her head turned from him. Her bottom looked delectably round in the frail light of dawn. His morning erection throbbed and he gritted his teeth. He couldn't take her again, last night had been the final time.

He sat up and threw the silk sheet from him, careful not to disturb Rin. Naked, he went to his closet and took out a few items of clothing, then made his way to the bathroom for a cool and cleansing shower.

Once he had bathed and dressed, he closed his bedroom door behind him, entered his kitchen to put on some coffee and sat on his leather sofa, elbows on his knees and chin resting on his hands. Waiting, thinking.

His phone rang abruptly, piercing the silence with its shrillness. He swiftly rose to answer.

"Yes."

"Ah, Sesshoumaru, I see you're home like a good boy". Said a familiar voice, mature and arrogant.

Sesshoumaru's jaw clenched. "I believe I already informed Risa of my decision to honour the agreement." He said icily.

Laughter. "I'm perfectly aware of that. Just checking to make sure of it myself. You can never be too careful."

In other words, he was making sure Sesshoumaru was not spending the night elsewhere. Little did he know that there was a woman who was not Risa currently asleep in his bed.

"Now, Sesshoumaru, Risa has decided on the date of the wedding. It will be three weeks from today, understood?"

"Perfectly." Sesshoumaru replied, his tone indifferent.

"Oh, I almost forgot. Get rid of whoever it is you're dallying with. My little girl is none too happy about it and to tell you the truth, neither am I." The last part was uttered with a threatening undertone.

Dark rage rose up inside of Sesshoumaru, but he calmly and purposefully hung up without a word. He sat back down on his sofa and leaned against it, staring out the windows where the city of Tokyo slowly awakened.

He heard his bedroom door open and he turned to look. Rin was standing there, washed and fully dressed.

She blushed as she met his eyes. She cleared her throat.

"Sorry, I used your shower, I hope you don't mind. I heard the phone, was it the hospital? I can go if you like, it's no problem if you're busy."

Chatty Rin had returned. And Sesshoumaru was about to tell her goodbye. He forced himself to stay cool and emotionless but it was proving to be quite a feat, even for him.

"Rin, sit."

Her eyes widened slightly but she nodded, approaching the sofa and sitting on the far end.

Sesshoumaru leaned forward and placed his elbows on his knees, his most comfortable position.

"I'm getting married in three weeks." He said, and he watched her closely. She swallowed and nodded.

"After today, I will not see you anymore. Do you understand?"

Rin stiffened. She opened her mouth to say something but he continued. "This has been an enlightening experience, but it cannot progress."

"Sesshoumaru, please-"

"I expect you to be adult about it Rin." He interrupted in clipped tones. Rin looked as though he had physically slapped her. Her eyes filled with tears and she fought for control. Sesshoumaru mentally cursed, this should never had happened, he should have taken her home and left her alone. But just leaving her was cowardly and he was no coward.

"I told you not to say you wanted me if you didn't mean it." She said quietly, her voice trembling with emotion. Her hands were clenched on her lap. He waited a moment before answering.

"I did."

"And now you don't?"

He remained silent. What was he supposed to say? That he was being forced to do this? That he had no control over his own fate, like a lesser man?

Rin nodded as if his silence confirmed her thoughts. She got up. Sesshoumaru rose as well.

"I will take you home-"

"I don't want anything from you anymore." She snapped. Sesshoumaru was taken aback, though his controlled mask of indifference betrayed nothing. Rin had never spoken like this before.

She briskly walked to the front door and opened it in one quick motion. Without turning to face him she spoke, her voice carefully monotonous.

"I wish you every happiness."

She stepped over the threshold and instead of slamming the door as she had every right to do, she closed it with a soft, dignified click.

Sesshoumaru was unaware of how much time had passed as he stood and stared at the front door. He looked down and found his fists clenched and he unclenched them. Was it possible to feel everything and nothing at the same time? He was empty inside, hollow. Yet his mind brimmed with conflicting thoughts. His careful plans for the future seemed worthless to him now. Upon meeting Rin, she made him think that life had more to offer and now that she had left he had gone back to his old, monotonous life in mere seconds. His expectations had disappeared with her. All that was left was an empty routine, a worthless marriage and a powerless job as chief of medicine.

He went to sit down on his sofa, resting his head back and crossing his arms over his chest. He never thought Rin would affect him in this way. It would have been better if they had never met. What was there to live for now? An endless, unfulfilled future with a woman he loathed, and a father-in-law that had him under his thumb. He inexplicably experienced a fulminating hate for his father's decision all those years ago to keep his bastard brother at the head of the company, which was what had him in this situation in the first place. As he lingered on this hate, another emotion abruptly surfaced, one that he hadn't acknowledged but was at this time forced to accept, only much too late.

He had fallen in love with Rin Ayase.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIi IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiI**

OOOOOOOOOHHHHH, what?

I hope I didn't leave you guys hanging too much with this chapter ending. One question...who wants Sesshoumaru to suffer? *Raises hand*

We'll see what happens in the next chapter. Thank you for reading!


	17. Chapter 16

Hi guys, how's spring going for you? Once again, my customary apology for the long wait, but unfortunately, it's how it works when you have so many things to do. Thank you all so much for your comments and reviews, I read every single one and they continue to motivate me. You guys are the main reason I'm doing this!

Here's the next instalment of the story and though it's still a while until things are wrapped up, there's not long to go. I hope I haven't made you suffer for too long, Sesshoumaru's supposed to be doing that, isn't he?

This chapter was meant to be longer but I saw some things were better left for the next one so I had to cut it a bit...But this just means that there's a chunk of story already done for the next chapter which I hope to post soon.

Okay, enough of that, enjoy!

**Half Empty Glass**

I was broken, shattered, devastated.

I hardly remember arriving at my apartment. The only memory I have is of trying to hold myself together as I left _his_ apartment and caught a bus to get home. My throat was dry, my heart pounded and my extremities shook. I saw the blur of human faces around me but I recognized no one, nothing.

The next think I knew, I was closing the front door of my apartment and sinking to my knees. And I cried. I cried as I had never cried in my entire life. I cried more than when my parents and brother were killed in the accident, when I was too young to understand loss. I was old enough to feel it now, and it tore my heart to shreds.

_How could he?_

I wept, I sobbed, I hiccupped. I crawled to my bedroom and whipped off my clothes in a spontaneous burst of anger. They smelled of him...I smelled of him. I dragged myself to the shower and turned on the water, as hot as it would go and stood under the scalding cascade, trying to burn the feel of his hands and mouth away. I scrubbed at myself, crying so hard I could barely see. I wanted to get rid of all traces of him. When I was pink and raw, I tumbled out and wrapped myself in my fluffy bathrobe and fell upon my bed.

The tears continued to pour forth, stinging my eyes and soaking my pillow. It was afternoon, that much I could guess, but I couldn't bear to eat lunch or even think about food or drink. Nothing would fill this void inside.

Why?

_Why_ had he done it?

I knew he had a fiancé, and that he would be married. I knew that we wouldn't have long together. But I didn't know that he had purposefully meant for it to last a short time. That he began all of this with the intent of ending it. He had a beautiful fiancé, why would he need me? It was becoming painfully, painfully clear that I was just a 'good time'. And for him to bluntly and cruelly end things the way that he did was something I would never forgive.

Oh, but I had felt his tenderness...the gentle way he touched me with restrained power. Fresh tears welled and spilled down my cheeks. It had been just lust and desire, then...he didn't want to frighten me away, of course, not before getting what he wanted. I had given him everything, my love, my virginity, my all. And he thought he could just have me forget about it...not only that, but 'be an adult' about it.

Hot, blinding rage rose up inside of me, taking me by surprise. I had never been quick to anger in my life! It wasn't about being an adult about this situation, it was about being a compassionate human. How could he treat me so tenderly one moment and then dispatch me so ruthlessly the next?

I remembered his face as he spoke to me, his infuriating, emotionless face. He had been completely indifferent. He was like everyone else, not taking me seriously. It was partly my fault, that I could accept. I had been too friendly, too accommodating, too available. And that had been my downfall. If I had just left him alone from the first moment, none of this would have happened.

But no, I had to dream and insist and pursue. I had to develop that stupid crush and act upon it. I had to fall in love and let myself be taken in by him. I had to let him make love to me and entrust my body to him. I was such a FOOL!

I buried my face in my pillow, the mortification and pain taking over in waves. I sobbed freely, the sounds muffled. I let myself love him too much...

These were the consequences of my actions. I had become involved with an engaged man, and whether he loved his fiancé or not, I should have never begun anything with him. I should have kept my distance and tamped down my feelings, destroyed them. But I hadn't and here I was, paying for it.

I don't know how much time had passed, but my sobs had dwindled into pathetic sniffles and hiccups. The sky had darkened and I was exhausted. My head pounded from the effort of crying and my mouth felt like cotton wool. I carefully sat up, manoeuvring my heavy limbs until I could stand. I dragged myself to the kitchen and got myself a cool glass of water. My body felt feverish and shaky, but I wasn't catching a cold. I drank the water and considered eating something but my stomach clenched at the thought. I drained the glass and went back to my bed.

I didn't want to think anymore, but my stupid brain had other ideas. It replayed this morning's scene over and over. I thought back on all my meetings with Sess...with that man, searching for signs, clues, anything that would have given me an inkling surrounding his intent. The only thing that clicked was the night he spent here, when he said that he wanted me. Wanted, not loved. There it was, then. Had I not been so blinded by love, I might have taken notice of that.

Tears started to fall, even after believing I had no more to shed. And shed tears I did, because that night I cried and cried until I finally fell asleep.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiI**

I awoke the next morning utterly disoriented. My mouth was dry and my eyes were puffy but for one short, sweet moment I had no memory of the previous day. Tears once again began to pool as the images flooded back, reminding me, torturing me. I burrowed under the covers with a small sob, determined to hide away for the rest of my life so that I wouldn't have to deal with anyone or anything, knowing full well this approach was futile but allowing myself to believe it out of self-pity. My stomach burned from the lack of nourishment but I couldn't bring myself to eat a bite. I was grateful that it was the weekend and I didn't have to show up for work, I didn't know how I could ever bear it.

Hot, burning tears leaked from my eyes as I once again recalled the devastating rejection of the day before. I was too tired to cry, and even more tired to stop. I felt so used, so betrayed. I had been so stupid, it was unbelievable. No wonder I wasn't taken seriously. I felt as if I would never be truly loved, that I would remain alone with a forced optimistic outlook on life to hide the pain.

Despite my sorrow, I tried to find something positive to gain from the situation...but I found none. I didn't have the energy to search for the good out of this hurt, nor did I have the motivation. I had no reason to smile now.

I forced myself out of bed and dragged my body to the kitchen. I had to eat something or I would waste away. My stomach felt as if its sides had stuck together, and I knew I had to feed it soon or I would risk my health. Not that I really cared. I opened the cupboards, the fridge, the drawers, my brain barely registering what I was doing. I absently grabbed a bag of salty crackers and started to place them in my mouth, chewing and swallowing like an automaton. The crackers were too dry and they formed a thick mush in my mouth, making me cough. I poured myself a glass of water and shakily swallowed some, washing the crackers down. After managing to eat only a couple of crackers, I gave up and trudged back to bed, not ready to deal with the day.

How long was I going to mourn? More tears seeped from under my eyelids. My pillow was littered with tissues and the bed covers were tangled around me but I didn't care because right now this was my safe haven.

The ring of the phone made me almost jump out of my skin. Heart pounding, I fell out of bed and stumbled to answer it, seeing black dots as the blood rushed from my head.

"Hello?" My voice was thick and muffled.

"Um...Rin, is that you?"

It was Yue, and I couldn't deal with her in my current state. I closed my eyes and let out a shaky breath. I cleared my throat. "Yes, it's me..."

"You sound awful! Are you okay?"

I faked a cough. "I caught a cold, so I'm not too good. I just need some rest. See you at work."

"Wait, Rin! You're sick? Do want me or Reika to come over with some medicine and goodies?"

She was such an angel, my heart clenched. But I couldn't let her or Reika see me like this. "No! Erm, no, I'll be fine. Don't worry I have enough medicine here to take care of it. Thank you Yue."

She made a sound to show she wasn't convinced. "Well, I had originally called you to see if you wanted to go out to a movie with me and Reika but I think we should visit you instead, just to keep you company at least."

What I wanted more than anything was to be alone and cry myself to death. "No, that's fine, really. I just need to sleep, you don't have to come over, I'll be right as rain in time for work, you'll see. Thanks for calling Yue, take care now, bye!"

"Rin-!"

I quickly hung up and let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding. Hopefully Yue wouldn't get it in her head to come over despite my insistence of the contrary. Feeling a little lightheaded, I force fed myself a few more crackers and water, then made my way to my den of solitude.

I curled up under the covers with a long, shaky sigh that echoed from my soul. I was never going to be loved by a man again. I wasn't sure I would trust any man after this anyway. I would end up like my aunt Kumiko, except I wouldn't have nieces or nephews to look after and fill my days. Oh, I had my work and I loved my job and my friends. But a part of me died inside as I accepted that I would never be cherished. I didn't want to beg for whatever scrap of affection I could get and that's what I had been doing with _him_. I practically begged him to go out with me that very first time.

It was hurting more because of my feelings for him. Who would do something like this to someone they cared about? I know I never would, but he hadn't placed those same morals upon himself. He was a surgeon after all, an expert at cutting things loose with the same cold edge as the steel blades he wielded.

I drifted in and out of sleep, occasionally waking to get a drink of water and to stuff some more crackers down my closed-up throat. Tears trickled down spontaneously, and I didn't bother trying to stop them. I was in the midst of another uneasy doze when the doorbell rang and jolted me awake.

No. She couldn't have.

A knock followed by a "Riiiin, it's meeeee!" confirmed that Yue had indeed ignored my wishes and decided to visit me anyway. I groaned and pressed the heels of my hands to my swollen eyes. This wasn't happening. This wasn't happening!

"Riiiin! Reika is here with me!"

Okay, maybe happening.

Seeing that this was going to be inevitable, I pulled on some clothes and wiped stray tears away with a sleeve, gave a long sniff and squared my shoulders. I would simply pretend I _was_ sick, I mean, I looked the part.

I went to the front door and took a deep breath. I opened it in one go and saw both my friends, dazzling and laden with fruit, sweet buns and cold medicine, bless them. Their bright smiles faded as they gazed upon my wonderful visage. I could barely hold myself together. It took every ounce of strength to give them a lopsided smile.

"Oh, Rin...are you okay?" Reika asked, her eyes wide and brimming with sympathy.

That did it. I broke down in front of them, tears streaming and nose running as I hid my face with my hands. "No, I'm not." I managed to say in a pitiful, broken voice.

They dropped everything with a gasp and were immediately at my side, Yue supporting me by the elbow and Reika flinging an arm around my shoulders and gripping me tight. One of them closed the door and the other tossed the treats on the sofa to where they also guided me and sat me down.

"Poor Rin, I knew something was wrong, you're never like this when you're sick. Shall I call your auntie?" Yue asked, sitting down beside me. I shook my head vehemently, hiccupping and generally looking pathetic. Reika clucked and took up a seat on my other side.

"What's wrong? Is it your doctor?" Reika inquired delicately. I gulped down a wave of tears. I nodded, eyes closed.

"It's stupid to be c-c-crying over him, I know." I said, my chest contracting and expanding of its own accord, barely letting me talk. Yue and Reika protested.

"Rin, no it's not! Remember when I dated that guy from PR for a week and when he left me I cried for days? You were there mopping my tears and cheering me up!" Reika exclaimed. I let out a sorry little laugh but the action caused me to lapse into a fresh bout of tears as if my brain wouldn't allow me to even fake a semblance of merriment.

Yue made a tutting sound. "Oh Rin." She pulled my head onto her shoulder. My own shoulders shook with every heaving and uneven breath. "Tell us what happened, it isn't like you to get all tragic over a man."

I hesitated. I pulled my head away from her shoulder and grabbed a tissue from my pocket to wipe my face as best I could. I took a shaky deep breath.

And I told them everything.

When I was done they were filled with righteous anger against him, they wiped away the new tears that fell from my eyes and then tried their hardest to make me see the positive side.

"...At least he did you a favour, who knows how long he would have strung you along like that, the jerk."

"Yeah! And even so, you still enjoyed it while it lasted, right? See, Rin? You're the one who always tells us to look on the bright side, there's always something-"

I suddenly snapped, not wanting their sympathy. "Can't you see there's nothing to be positive _about!?_"

They were both stunned into silence. I closed my eyes and clenched my fists.

"Rin..." ventured Yue uncertainly. "This isn't like you. We just want to help."

She was right. This wasn't like me. I had stopped being me ever since yesterday. It was him. He had changed me.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiI**

I truly had wonderful friends. I suppose that wiping the snot and tears off my face was something only the best of friends would do, even after my episode. I had apologized tearfully and they had understood, given my current state. And of course, I had lived through similar things when either girls had broken up their boyfriends, which was something of a regular occurrence.

They had fed me like stern mothers and bathed my poor eyes with cold water. They even managed to wrench a laugh from me, which suddenly turned into an embarrassment when a whole bunch of stuff shot out my nose.

Despite my protests, they called aunt Kumiko, although they refrained from telling her the entire situation, at my behest. I knew I would have to give her the whole story eventually. She immediately arrived at my apartment and just seeing her made me break down all over again. It seemed I was going to be a wreck for a while. Yue and Reika left me with her and gave me all the encouragement they had, making me promise to see them at work, all better.

When they had gone, I started to cry harder in my aunt's arms. "I'm such a fool auntie." I sobbed. She comforted me and stroked my head with the most motherly of gestures, making me so glad she was there and wondering why I hadn't gone to her in the first place. I told her a fraction of the story and missed out the more intimate parts, but I think she guessed anyway.

"It's alright my Rin. It's probably better this way. I never imagined you would continue to see that doctor despite him being engaged, but sometimes the best lessons we learn are the most painful ones". She said gently, holding me while I sobbed and snivelled against her. She smelt of childhood and summer evenings in the garden with the fireflies. The familiar fragrance calmed me until my sobs turned to sorry sniffles.

Aunt Kumiko proceeded to disentangle herself in order to force feed me some sandwiches and sugar-free tea. My nose was so stuffed up that I would have to choke each mouthful down but there wasn't much I could do under my aunt's stern, motherly glare. By the time I finished it was nightfall and I urged her to go home, assuring her I was quite alright. She wasn't convinced in the slightest, but she let it be. She gave a last warm hug and whispered " Everything will turn out just fine." Something I was far from thinking yet but I nodded all the same.

As I closed the door behind her, I let out a long, shuddering sigh. Now that I was alone my mind began to wander to dangerous ground and I squeezed my sore eyes shut to prevent any more moisture leaking out. I was too tired to cry anymore and I didn't want to waste my tears on _him_, I would end up shrivelled like a raisin if I did.

It was early but I trudged to bed, exhausted. I gave up trying to breathe through my nose, it was useless. I undressed and buried myself under the covers, flinging out soggy tissues. I didn't want to think anymore, I didn't want to feel the hurt. My heart ached but it was slowly fading. The ache was somehow concentrated further down, low in my belly. I was slowly drifting off into sleep when a painful clench in my abdomen caused me to wake. It was a familiar pain, the pain of each month, though forgotten due to my distraction.

I made it to the bathroom in time and made the necessary accommodations to my current condition. I had wondered whether the morning after pill would actually take care of...all those moments. But it was apparent that my body was the same as always. I was far from disappointed, and I wasn't glad either. I felt nothing, no joy or anger or grief. I was just tired.

I stopped at the kitchen to fetch myself a glass of water and gulped some down. I set down the half empty glass.

And then I realized. It wasn't half full like I always thought. Half empty.

It was a half-empty glass.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiI**

Sesshoumaru returned home after an excruciatingly tedious day. He was forced to sit and have lunch with that bitch of a fiancé and her son of a bitch father to discuss plans for the wedding. Impassive he had remained, cold and supremely unconcerned as he offered not a word, not a glance. He hadn't even eaten. He had just sat there like a marble statue, the mere effort of being there demanding every ounce of self control he possessed.

He watched Risa talk animatedly at him, laugh with her father over trivial details like her dress and the menu. He was marrying this woman and in his head he was comparing her to Rin.

Rin.

How could he sit there and listen to this inane talk when he was in love with someone else? Risa's tinkling laugh interrupted his thoughts and he clenched a fist below the table at the irritating sound. Nothing like Rin's pure and sincere laugh, eyes sparkling and cheeks blooming with unconcealed amusement.

He had hurt her deeply.

Back at his darkened apartment he brooded. It had been three days since the incident and he could still see her face, transformed into wretchedness by his cold words and indifference, as clearly as if he was seeing her in front of him.

He sat back on his leather sofa, wearing a grey sweater and black trousers. He passed a hand through his hair and let out a breath through his nose. It was too late to do anything now. He had belatedly realized the extent of his feelings for her, and even if he had accepted them earlier there was nothing he could have done. The wedding would have had to proceed as planned, there was no other way to secure the position of power he craved. Or had once craved.

It seemed all his ambition and work had amounted to nothing, his web of plans and calculations unravelled by a sweet, innocent smile and pure warmth.

And he had broken her heart. His chest ached as he thought back on how she had left him here, admirable in her dignity. No doubt she had felt used and played with by him. But during those last moments together he had been sincere, even if his mind was late to accept it. His body and heart had loved her and joined with her genuinely, but she would never believe it. Even he didn't believe it at times, he who had been incapable of love or tenderness from the day he was born.

He leaned forward, elbows on knees and chin balancing atop of clasped hands. The fact that he had found someone he honestly loved, then lost her and forced to marry another was something that bordered on karmic. It was what he deserved. He had set out on this journey in order to find power and some semblance of stability and on this journey he had forsaken that which many would call 'happiness' for mere power and stability. He shouldn't complain, really. He was getting what he wanted, or what he thought he wanted.

But he missed her. It was a strange, new experience for him, to think of someone other than himself. Her creamy skin, her rosy nipples, her soft dark hair and the hot acceptance of her body was all he could think about. It was futile to hold on to such images, he would never seek her out again. But his body responded to these thoughts and ignored his wishes.

And it wasn't just her body he remembered. Her voice, her innocence and her unique outlook on life had bewitched him just as effectively as her ripe figure had. That first time they had met in his surgery, that first time he touched her, he had known there was something about her that was unlike all the rest.

And now what? He know Risa's type, she would have him trapped and reduced to a puppet instead of his own man. She would no doubt force him to put a child in her belly, but he had already vowed to produce no progeny with her. Even if he had to undergo a surgical procedure to ensure it. While she remained married to him she would know only cool courtesy and barely polite tolerance. It was a bleak, cold future...any future without Rin was. And he recognized that he held no right over her anymore, not after what he had done. No, he had effectively ended whatever bond had been between them and there was no undoing it.

He closed his eyes. He attempted to force the wave of emotion that accompanied the thought of never seeing Rin again, never tasting her again, but it was useless. His ruthless method of shoving unnecessary sentiments into a dark corner of his psyche didn't work, not when the particular sentiment was love. It was how he had learned to recognize the feeling as such in the first place.

The abrupt ringing of the phone brought him out of his reflections and he went to answer it in the dark.

"Yes."

"Sesshoumaru?" said a gruff, irritatingly familiar voice. Sesshoumaru's lips curled with disdain.

"It's me...Inuyasha."

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiI**

Huh? The thick plottens! The next chapter will be quite...interesting. But I'll say no more.


	18. Chapter 17

Hello my dears! Here's another instalment, I hope I haven't made you too frustrated with me. I did promise to finish this and I shall. About two or three chappies left before it finishes*sob*. I think I take so long because I don't want it to end. It's very nostalgic for me to write this fic and I love reading all your reviews and encouragement. Thank you for your support and patience and I only hope I could make your day a bit better with this update.

**No Rest for the Weary**

"What do you want." Sesshoumaru's tone was pure ice.

"Well, it ain't like I wanna talk to you, so you can shove that tone right up your ass." Inuyasha snapped. Sesshoumaru let the silence lengthen. Inuyasha let out an explosion of breath.

"Look, I'm being forced to call. The board of directors at the company...they want me to stand down as president."

Sesshoumaru wasn't surprised. He had been following his bastard brother's actions closely and he was aware of the rumours. His enlightened sibling had become involved with two women, one of them married to a powerful CEO who had demanded Inuyasha's head as payment. It was to be expected, and it was the sort of downfall Sesshoumaru had predicted and that his late father had been too blind to see. Taisho Inc. was suffering, shares were down, the company was divided and wasting away. And if the board was either as desperate or as smart as he thought...

"They want you to step in." Came Inuyasha's reluctant answer.

Sesshoumaru stayed silent, and there was nothing but the sound of Inuyasha's heavy breathing, growing more uneven by the second.

"Damnit, Sesshoumaru! I need an answer or the company falls to the vultures!"

Sesshoumaru snorted, as if that bastard cared what happened to the company. He was just worried about his monthly pay check. The one he would need to get himself away from every breath of scandal and hint of lawsuit.

"I'll consider it." He replied simply and with great satisfaction, he cut his half-brother off.

He stood there for all of ten minutes, holding the phone in his hand. This was his moment now. This was his place. It was what he had been born to do. Consider it? He had already made up his mind, the minute he knew it was Inuyasha on the other line. He let a sense of purpose and a longed-for feeling of raw power wash over him.

He was free.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiI**

Today was to be his last day at the hospital, although no one else knew it but him. Sesshoumaru strode through the familiar corridors in his surgeon's scrubs, recalling his first moments here, when his ambition had seemed pure and clear. He had thought to rise, gain authority as Chief and fulfil that dream, fed to him by his departed mother, another excellent surgeon. He had meant to build a research lab, one that would destroy the disease that had taken her away from him.

He had meant to put an end to breast cancer, and he now knew that it would never have been possible as Chief of Surgery. It was possible as CEO of Taisho Inc.

He had not slept after his bastard brother's phone call last night. His mind had gone to work and produced plans, calculations and strategies. This was what he had been born and groomed for. He had drawn out a business plan for _his_ company, a way to pull it out of its desperate floundering. And he had also planned on how he would break the news to his 'dear' future father-in-law.

Rin had passed through his mind often, fleeting images of her...hope. But it was too late for that, no matter how strongly he felt about her. He had pride and dignity, and he would not seek her out so that she could avenge herself and reject him as he deserved. Yes, he loved her...but he had caused her enough pain. He had his company to think of, and he needed to find Risa and free himself from her greedy, sex-crazed clutches.

It was one of the few things that he genuinely anticipated this day.

His shift was over, and he changed out of his scrubs into a smart grey suit and pale blue tie which accented a black shirt. He had a meeting with the board of directors in an hour and once he had taken over as president (something he had rightfully assumed as fact despite the need for the board's decision first) he would return to deal with the bitch and her father.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiI**

Sesshoumaru wasted no time. He entered the familiar boardroom, decorated with stark masculinity, stern, cold and unchanging. There were six middle aged men and two women seated around the steel and glass table with Inuyasha slouching like a child who had thrown a tantrum and still not gotten his way, at the head of it.

Sesshoumaru smoothly strode over to his brother and gave him a pointedly threatening glare. Inuyasha glared murderously back and slowly gave up his seat, moving to stand a ways behind. Sesshoumaru pulled the large leather chair back and sat down, affirming his intentions and commanding with his presence. He leaned forward to place his elbows on the table and gaze over steepled fingers.

"Gentlemen," His voice was silk over steel, demanding attention. "and ladies." He acknowledged the women with a nod.

"My father built this company. I am his eldest and _legitimate_ son," he ignored Inuyasha's scoff. "You are desperate and I have the means to put an end to your misery. I expect my status as CEO of Taisho Inc. be made effective immediately so that I may fix the damage you and my idiot half-brother have done." He paused and swept a cool amber gaze over each member of the board for effect.

"No more mistakes, no more wasted time. I will be making changes to personnel and I wish to be appraised of the current deplorable state _my_ company is in. Understood?" his deep baritone carried at the last word, bearing the authority and power once present in the voice of his father.

The board members nodded, some fidgeting nervously. Sesshoumaru leaned back. He flicked a glance at Inuyasha.

"Get him out of here. I have another appointment and when I return, I wish to see him gone." He stood swiftly and passed his angrily protesting brother on his way to the glass doors. He heard Inuyasha's words of complaint grow weaker as he strode to the foyer, and he let his lips curl into a satisfied smile that lasted only a moment. He was finally where he belonged.

He made it down fifteen floors of sleekly designed glass and gleaming metal and left the building through swivelling doors. He didn't glance back at it like he had on the day he had left after Inuyasha was placed in power. He knew he was coming back. He got into his Mercedes and drove back to the hospital, intent on setting all in motion. He was impatient for release.

He arrived at dusk, the sun was settling behind the mountains and the breeze was growing cool. Humidity was in the air and it smelled like rain. Once in the hospital, Sesshoumaru, still imposing in his business suit, made his way towards Risa's department garnering startled glances from her colleagues.

He entered her surgery, decorated with infantile wallpaper and littered with toys. She wasn't there. He sat on her chair as she was wont to do when she 'visited' him and waited.

He didn't have to wait long, she was finishing her shift and would have paperwork to get through, he knew her schedule just as she obsessively followed his. The door opened and she breezed in, stopping dead when she saw him sitting calmly at her desk.

He noticed her sweep a suspicious gaze over him, taking in the impeccable suit. She recovered quickly and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Why, Sesshoumaru...this is a surprise, my darling."

Sesshoumaru slowly stood. "I must speak with you."

Risa cocked an eyebrow. "About the wedding? I assure you I have everything under-"

"No, there won't be a wedding."

She stared at him as if he had grown another head. She uncrossed her arms and put her hands on her hips instead, taking a few steps closer to him. He could smell her sickeningly sweet perfume, motivating him even further to get this over with as quickly as possible.

"What do you mean 'there won't be a wedding'?" she asked, her voice carefully restrained.

"You and I will not be joined in matrimony, marriage is not in our future, we will not be man and wife, we will have no legal ties...Do you understand me now?" Sesshoumaru replied coldly.

Risa sneered at him. "What, decided to back out of our agreement? You know you can't do that without my father having you barred from every respectable hospital in Japan."

"That would be a concern were I still a surgeon and dependant on securing a higher position."

"And now you aren't?"

"I have taken my rightful place as CEO at my father's company. Therefore it is infinitely beneath me to carry out our agreement."

The sneer was wiped off Risa's face in an instant. Sesshoumaru heard her mind at work.

"If you are even considering holding me to this repulsive contract because you see the ultimate advantage of 'sharing' my newly returned wealth, I can tell you now that the power I wield greatly surpasses your father's and I will not be coerced into marriage with such a vile and detestable creature such as yourself." He ignored her gasp of outrage and continued.

"Force my hand and I shall set my attorneys upon you both and reap every last cent from your greedy hands in compensation for the offensive claim you had placed upon me."

Risa coloured with rage. "Are you blackmailing me?" She hissed. Sesshoumaru towered over her and leaned in close until their faces were mere inches away.

"Blackmail is threatening to have your father ban a surgeon from every hospital in the country unless he marries you. I am above such filthy things as _blackmail_." His lip curled in disgust at the last word. He straightened. She was trembling with fury and her eyes were bright and liquid.

"You and your father have no power over me anymore." He passed her and reached the door.

He heard a low moan that gave way into barely restrained sobbing. He turned and saw Risa collapsed upon her knees, facing away from him.

"You're the love of my life Sesshoumaru, you can't leave me...Please!" She cried. Sesshoumaru remained stoic and stony.

"I have nothing more than contempt for you. I _can_ leave you. And I have."

He opened the door and closed it on Risa's wretched howl of anguish.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiI**

Knowing that the Chief of Medicine was currently in his office, Sesshoumaru arrived there at a brisk pace. It was only too obvious that he needed to speak with his ex-almost-father-in-law at once before Risa decided that she wasn't ready to give him up yet.

He passed the secretary and ignored her attempts to tell him that the Chief was occupied. Instead he went straight to the door and opened it without bothering to knock. The Chief was sitting at his desk signing a variety of documents and he looked up in surprise at the sudden interruption.

"Ah, Sesshoumaru. This certainly is unexpected." He said, putting down his pen and pausing to survey Sesshoumaru's outfit. "Looking sharp today. To what do I owe this pleasure? Need to discuss wedding details, hm?"

Sesshoumaru bored into him with a steady, unwavering gaze as he slowly neared the desk. "I have just spoken with your daughter. I will not be marrying her."

The older man's eyebrows ascended but he maintained a calm expression. "I see. And what of the agreement? We can't all have the things we want without making little sacrifices here and there now, can we? My daughter for your elevation to chief of medicine. She is attractive, she wants you...and I daresay she suits your –ahem- needs."

Sesshoumaru felt a rising revulsion from within him. "If my tastes bordered on vulgar that would most likely be the case."

"Then you refuse to hold your part of the bargain? Well, we know what that means don't we? I want you out of this hospital and good luck finding anywhere in Japan to practice." He finished. He picked up his pen and in a business-like fashion resumed his work, rudely dismissing Sesshoumaru.

Sesshoumaru's lips curled in a humourless smile. He stepped closer to the desk, blocking the Chief's light and forcing him to look up. Sesshoumaru leant over and placed both hands flatly on the surface, and pierced the other man with an ice-cold amber glare. The Chief did his best not to squirm under this unfamiliar scrutiny.

"You do not understand..._Chief." _his voice was soft, low and lethal. 

"You have somehow mistaken me for a biddable pawn. So let me make this clear for you. I no longer work here. I do not owe you anything. My loyalty now lies with Taisho Inc. as its new president and if you so much as blink in my direction I will withdraw all funding from this hospital. And where would that leave you, or more importantly that pension you so covet?"

The Chief swallowed with difficulty and did his best not to cower under Sesshoumaru's penetrating gaze.

"Breathe any word intended to soil my reputation and I will _bury___you." He snarled. The elder man clenched his fists but made no other move.

Sesshoumaru straightened, looking down at the man as a feudal lord would at the lowliest vassal. "We all have to make 'little sacrifices here and there'. Careful of what you want yours to be."

Not staying long enough to see the Chief's reaction, Sesshoumaru swept out of the room and released a harsh breath as soon as he was in the elevator. He had done it. He had severed all ties with that sick family and this place. His mother had wanted him to continue her work, he was her legacy, but he realized now that with the power that had recently been given him he had a better chance at doing it. And most importantly, he was his own man. He felt as if a terrible weight had lifted and he was surer of his destiny than ever.

He thought fleetingly of Rin. His heart clenched briefly as her image flickered in his mind's eye. What would she say now? Would she be happy for him? He closed his eyes and willed the thoughts away. She was his past, and he did not seek or deserve her forgiveness, despite having freed himself of a disastrous future with Risa and being an eligible bachelor once again. Rin was gone and no matter how much he loved and missed her, he was certain that he had done too much damage to have another chance.

That only meant that he needed to bury himself in work and restore his father's company to its former glory and make it even more powerful. He needed to further his mother's legacy and bring an end to the disease that had taken her life. What more could he possibly want?

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiI**

I wasn't supposed to be counting the days, I was supposed to be focusing on work. But the two weeks that had led up to _his_ wedding had come and gone and I felt a strange relief which was a change to the constant hollowness that had accompanied me lately. Relief because he was married and I could officially move on. Too bad my heart stubbornly insisted on clinging to stupid memories and useless feelings. Then those days passed and then a month had somehow wedged itself in the middle and I picked up the pieces to start over.

I was slowly regaining parts of myself that I had lost ever since that day. Okay, I suppose I can say it without cringing, since the day Sesshoumaru had broken whatever relationship we had. It was still too early to declare that he had done me a favour, I was still in the same spot as I had been before I met him, just lonelier.

For Yue and Reika's sake I tried to be as cheerful and positive as before. But my face would ache from the false smiles and I would find myself taking regular breaks to the bathroom just so I could use whatever facial expression I felt like using without having someone question me.

During that first month of recovery I often thought of plotting my 'revenge', so to speak, but that was not me. I was not vengeful...I wasn't even the slightest bit aggressive. And anyway, revenge would never have brought me peace. Forgetting was the best way.

I also thought I saw him everywhere, which was annoying and put a large strain on my nerves. And every song I heard, every book I read and every film I watched reminded me of him in some way or other. Also very annoying because my eyes would start to leak and I would remember stupid things and just feel very sorry for myself.

But another month passed, then another and I had settled back into my old routine, more or less. I declined invitations to go out and practically ignored the opposite sex though. I simply wasn't ready for anything remotely social. No matter how much Reika and Yue begged and pleaded with me. And they were being so dear to me, those two! I only wish I could muster more energy and more smiles for them...

But work was nice and steady so I was thankful for that! It didn't matter that I had to take projects home, as long as I was too exhausted to think or dream of anything else, I was content. One other plus was that my boss was becoming more and more impressed with my stamina and skills and was constantly hinting at giving me a larger project along with a promotion. This was a glad distraction from thoughts of that-man-I-am-totally-over.

One morning I arrived at work and my boss was already hovering around my workspace. I frantically checked my watch, convinced I had come in late but he reassured me and told me he had an extremely important client coming in that morning to discuss a collaboration.

"And Rin, since you have proved yourself more than capable, I feel you should take this on. It's a lot of work and requires much dedication but you're the best we have." He beamed. I stared at him, plump face, glasses sliding down his nose and ill-fitting suit (that I supposed he must have rented for today's meeting in order to impress). I wanted to hug him. I experienced an overwhelming need to talk, to chatter...something I hadn't genuinely felt in a long time. Words threatened to pour out of my mouth but I attempted control.

"Thank you sir, I will do my best to make this company proud, and you proud of course! I would just like to ask what the project will be about?"

He opened his mouth to answer but his mobile phone beeped from his pocket. He smiled in apology and took it out to check a new message. He gasped.

"The client's here! Come Rin, let's go to the meeting room and I'll explain on the way there. No, leave all your things and come with me!" He babbled, moving forward at a brisk pace. I had no choice but to dump all my things at my desk and follow with a hammering heart.

Huffing and puffing, my boss let me know the basic details. "This client requires a campaign for a fundraiser that will be held in a month's time at the city hall. They need a lot of exposure and are willing to cover any cost, money is not an issue. The proceeds of the fundraiser will all go to the Breast Cancer Foundation."

I almost fell smack on my face. This was...incredible. My boss had no way of knowing my previous health issues, of course, and I began to feel that this project already connected to me in some way. I was meant for it. It made me even more excited and apprehensive than ever to work on it.

We hurried down a corridor to the meeting room. The building was practically deserted at this early hour but I had no time to think about that. I _wish___I had been able to fix my hair a bit and re-apply my make up or take a trip to the bathroom first! I looked down at my outfit, pale yellow blouse, grey trousers and my black work pumps. Ugh. I should have worn something else. No matter, no matter. I _did _need that trip to the bathroom though, and I reached out and grabbed my boss's arm and breathlessly excused myself for a moment. He nodded and went ahead into the meeting room to prepare everything and I took a detour to the ladies' room.

I emerged a few moments later, hair re-done, creases smoothed, mouth rinsed and bladder emptied. I took a deep breath and went to the meeting room, trying hard to remember that my boss said this was a very big client and that this would be a huge break for our company.

I heard masculine voices as I approached the frosted glass door. I squared my shoulders, put a cheerful, welcoming smile on my face and turned the knob. I saw my boss first, chatting animatedly. I opened the door the rest of the way.

"-weather is getting cooler and-Oh! There she is, our most diligent employee. Rin, let me introduce you to the CEO of Taisho inc., Sesshoumaru Saotome."

I stopped dead. My smile fell. My heart clenched.

It was him.

**IiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiIiI**

Oh dear.

What will Rin do now? How will Sesshy handle this? And no, I'm not going to make them swoon and fall into each other's arms...though having Sesshoumaru crawl on his hands and knees begging for forgiveness holds some appeal. But no, I seem to remember wanting to make him suffer. What do you guys think?


End file.
